I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of

men &women differ so much. And I never have figured

out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I never have

figured out why men think with their head and

women with their heart.

And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual

desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when

it hears the words "I do". One evening last week, my

wife and I got into bed. Well, the passion starts to

heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like

it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the

planet dreads. She explains that I'm obviously not in

tune with her emotional needs as a "Woman". I'm

thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize

that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went

to bed.

The very next day we went shopping at a big department

store... I walked around while she tried on three very

expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to

take, so I told her to take all three of them. She

then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $300

each to which I say OK. And then we go to the

Jewellery Dept. where she gets a set of diamond

earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She

must have thought that I was one wave short of a

shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she

was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet

because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw

her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was

almost sexually excited from all of this and you

should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to

go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No,

honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... It went completely

blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to

HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had

this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You

obviously are not in tune with my financial needs as a

"Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime

during the Spring of 2006...