Understanding Gender Identity
Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2002 10:24 pm
While certainly not central to the Eunuch Archive, there are enough transgendered people (and certainly enough of us who are concerned about supporting our transgendered friends and colleagues) here that the article below from today's news seems appropriate. I find it gratifying that this article could make the front page of the second section of the newspaper, with a large color photo of the couple.
Understanding Gender Identity
Sonoma County couple changing way society sees transsexuals
By SUSAN SWARTZ
THE PRESS DEMOCRAT
One August morning in 1996, Dick Giles announced to his math students at Santa Rosa Junior College that he was a cross-dresser and from now on was identifying as a woman. His public declaration and the reaction of faculty and students became a front-page story.
Since then, Dick has become Diane, combining his old name with his wife's, Anne, and has had sex-change surgery. He also retired a year after his transformation.
To say things have changed at the Giles house is an understatement. What has held is the Gileses' 39-year marriage. "We're joined at the hip," said Diane, this day in blue sweater and slacks and her nails painted mauve and wearing more makeup than Anne.
The Gileses are not the only couple whose marriage has survived a gender change. They regularly meet with 12 other such couples at their hilltop home outside of Santa Rosa.
The couples come from Sonoma County, Sacramento, San Jose, Fresno and the Mount Shasta area and include a former Redwood Valley truck driver named George, now Ginger, with his wife, Bobbie.
All were married as man and wife. Now they live as wife and wife, retaining the legal benefits of traditional marriage while facing the challenges of acceptance by family, friends and society.
Transgender is the umbrella term given to those who identify as the opposite sex and includes those who may be cross-dressers. A transexual has taken the ultimate step of surgery to make the change permanent.
All of the transgendered people who meet with the Gileses are men who became women. Many, like Diane, have had surgery, electrolysis and a tracheal shave, which removes the Adam's apple.
There is no official count of the number of transgendered or transexual people. No such distinction is made by the U.S. Census, and support groups can only guess at the numbers. "Most people who are transgendered have been taught to be silent, so they will not respond to surveys," said Denise Leclair, director of the International Foundation for Gender Education in Waltham, Mass.
As to how many of them remain with their original marriage partner, Leclair said, "Not many couples seem to survive transition in the long term."
When the Gileses put out the word about a couples group, they expected two or three to respond. They've had up to 15 couples show up at their bimonthly meeting.
Gender studies specialists say the numbers of people identifying as transgendered is growing but not necessarily the population. More people are coming out due to the wider availability of hormones and sex-change surgery and to improved social acceptance since the gay and lesbian movement began including transsexuals in its activism.
Diane calls this year her sixth birthday as a woman because it was 1996 when she started living full time as a woman. She taught her last year as a woman and she and Anne informed neighbors, friends and family, including their 10 children and Diane's mother.
First-born son Darren Giles recalled that first meeting with his parents: "My mother told us that they had news they needed to share with us. I drove up from San Jose thinking 'Oh, no, what if dad has cancer or something?'"
Son had mixed feelings
When his father announced he was a cross-dresser, Darren said he was both relieved and puzzled. "It was a pretty big surprise, just out of the blue like that. I think I said something like 'you're kidding.' It was more awkward than anything else. But it has never been a moral issue to me."
His brother Dana said in retrospect there were clues, and recalls once crawling into his parents' bedroom closet looking for a confiscated BB gun.
"I found a very large woman's shoe that I knew was not my mother's."
Both sons think their adjustment had a lot to do with the fact that theirs has never been a traditional family. In addition to their two birth children, the Gileses adopted eight children of mixed ethnic identities and some with special needs.
"My parents raised a family who recognize that the value of people is far beyond skin deep," Darren said.
Two years after they were married, Anne discovered her husband wearing her stockings and some of her underwear. "Dick told me he was a cross-dresser and wanted me to know before we started having children."
She uses both names, Dick and Diane, for her mate, depending on whether she's referring to the old days or the new.
Diane said, "It was our secret, a quiet unspoken part of my life," and they decided to keep it that way, at least until the kids were grown. Their youngest child was 23 when Dick publicly became Diane.
There wasn't total family acceptance. One child refused to speak to her father for more than two years, but they've since reconciled.
Some of the children still call Diane "Dad," but most of them and their grandchildren call Diane "Ama," which is Korean for grandmother.
"I am one of the unusual and lucky ones," Diane said of her family's acceptance. "People lose friends and family and can have ongoing problems. There were a few of my colleagues who didn't handle it well. There were a couple of people who turned away when they saw me coming."
The recent slaying of a transgendered East Bay youth brought back memories of their own adjustment period.
"I remember when this first started with Diane, I worried we'd be beat up," said Anne. "But then I decided we couldn't live in fear."
As a young man Dick was aware of the risks. "All my life I was a male impersonator," said Diane. "I grew up in a small town in Illinois, and there was an effeminate man in our neighborhood who was always getting beaten up and couldn't hold a job. I decided I better be macho. I tried to copy my Uncle Harry's walk."
He joined the Army at age 18 thinking it would stop his desire to cross dress, and after falling in love with Anne he thought marriage would make the difference.
Anne said it was not an issue for most of their marriage. It was only in the last year before he came out that she fully recognized the pressure on her husband and their relationship. "That last year I felt that life had no zest," said Diane. "Anne forced me to confront myself. She told me that I was a good and kind person and a good father."
Living a life
As a couple they attended a transgender support group similar to the one they now lead at their home. Diane, 64, and Anne, 60, have become leaders in the transgender community and are regular speakers at Bay Area churches, schools and colleges.
They have no problem with being public and in fact believe it's essential to transforming misconceptions.
"Dick was a popular and respected teacher," said Anne. "When the person is a pillar of the community, people have to take a second look because this isn't what they thought a transsexual person would be."
When Dick Giles was interviewed by The Press Democrat in 1996, his major concern was public ridicule. When the story was picked up by the Associated Press, Rush Limbaugh made some disparaging comments, but close to home they've felt accepted.
Another couple, Ginger (formerly George) and wife, Bobbie, had a different experience when George came out. A neighbor called Child Protective Services and reported them for child abuse. Social workers talked to the children and concluded they were not endangered by their father's gender change.
George Anderlohr was a 20-year Air Force man and truck driver, but he said he knew he was the wrong gender from age 6. At age 50, he came out to his family, friends and trucking company boss.
"I went off on vacation for 30 days and came back Ginger. I was the talk of Highway 101."
With his wife he wasn't as abrupt. "I tell other men who are doing this to take it slow or you'll lose your marriage. You have to let a person understand what you're feeling, give them a chance to get used to it."
Having surgery is the final and most irrevocable step for a transgendered individual, and Anne Giles gave her blessing.
"I told her, do what you need to be complete," she said, adding with a smile, "Frankly it was a little off-putting to be living with a woman whose anatomy didn't match."
While almost 40 years of marriage helps her to be more accepting than some might be, she doesn't dismiss the difficult challenges for wives of transgendered men.
"In many ways you are experiencing the death of the person you knew and going through a grieving process," said Anne.
"The neat thing is that all the good aspects of that person are still there."
Bobbie Anderlohr called Anne one night and said, "It just hit me. I'm losing my husband."
Anne said, "You hear a lot of wives say that. You also hear that what they don't miss is the man who was uptight, angry and pretty miserable."
Another thing that happens is wives suddenly find themselves with a new public image. Anne calls it becoming a "situational lesbian," which has its own acceptance problems.
"Now we have to be guarded about two women showing affection in public."
Anne kids Diane, that of the two, Diane has more interest in clothes and manicures, and that after many years of being in charge of her kitchen, "now I have to share it with another woman."
Through all the change, they remain a long-married couple who long ago divided up the domestic chores. Recently when the gutter at the Giles home needed attention it was Diane who crawled up on the roof.
You can reach Staff Writer Susan Swartz at (707) 521-5284 or [email protected]
The Santa Rosa (California) Press Democrat
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
(c) 2002 The Press Democrat. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.northbay.com/lifestyle/gener ... exual.html
Understanding Gender Identity
Sonoma County couple changing way society sees transsexuals
By SUSAN SWARTZ
THE PRESS DEMOCRAT
One August morning in 1996, Dick Giles announced to his math students at Santa Rosa Junior College that he was a cross-dresser and from now on was identifying as a woman. His public declaration and the reaction of faculty and students became a front-page story.
Since then, Dick has become Diane, combining his old name with his wife's, Anne, and has had sex-change surgery. He also retired a year after his transformation.
To say things have changed at the Giles house is an understatement. What has held is the Gileses' 39-year marriage. "We're joined at the hip," said Diane, this day in blue sweater and slacks and her nails painted mauve and wearing more makeup than Anne.
The Gileses are not the only couple whose marriage has survived a gender change. They regularly meet with 12 other such couples at their hilltop home outside of Santa Rosa.
The couples come from Sonoma County, Sacramento, San Jose, Fresno and the Mount Shasta area and include a former Redwood Valley truck driver named George, now Ginger, with his wife, Bobbie.
All were married as man and wife. Now they live as wife and wife, retaining the legal benefits of traditional marriage while facing the challenges of acceptance by family, friends and society.
Transgender is the umbrella term given to those who identify as the opposite sex and includes those who may be cross-dressers. A transexual has taken the ultimate step of surgery to make the change permanent.
All of the transgendered people who meet with the Gileses are men who became women. Many, like Diane, have had surgery, electrolysis and a tracheal shave, which removes the Adam's apple.
There is no official count of the number of transgendered or transexual people. No such distinction is made by the U.S. Census, and support groups can only guess at the numbers. "Most people who are transgendered have been taught to be silent, so they will not respond to surveys," said Denise Leclair, director of the International Foundation for Gender Education in Waltham, Mass.
As to how many of them remain with their original marriage partner, Leclair said, "Not many couples seem to survive transition in the long term."
When the Gileses put out the word about a couples group, they expected two or three to respond. They've had up to 15 couples show up at their bimonthly meeting.
Gender studies specialists say the numbers of people identifying as transgendered is growing but not necessarily the population. More people are coming out due to the wider availability of hormones and sex-change surgery and to improved social acceptance since the gay and lesbian movement began including transsexuals in its activism.
Diane calls this year her sixth birthday as a woman because it was 1996 when she started living full time as a woman. She taught her last year as a woman and she and Anne informed neighbors, friends and family, including their 10 children and Diane's mother.
First-born son Darren Giles recalled that first meeting with his parents: "My mother told us that they had news they needed to share with us. I drove up from San Jose thinking 'Oh, no, what if dad has cancer or something?'"
Son had mixed feelings
When his father announced he was a cross-dresser, Darren said he was both relieved and puzzled. "It was a pretty big surprise, just out of the blue like that. I think I said something like 'you're kidding.' It was more awkward than anything else. But it has never been a moral issue to me."
His brother Dana said in retrospect there were clues, and recalls once crawling into his parents' bedroom closet looking for a confiscated BB gun.
"I found a very large woman's shoe that I knew was not my mother's."
Both sons think their adjustment had a lot to do with the fact that theirs has never been a traditional family. In addition to their two birth children, the Gileses adopted eight children of mixed ethnic identities and some with special needs.
"My parents raised a family who recognize that the value of people is far beyond skin deep," Darren said.
Two years after they were married, Anne discovered her husband wearing her stockings and some of her underwear. "Dick told me he was a cross-dresser and wanted me to know before we started having children."
She uses both names, Dick and Diane, for her mate, depending on whether she's referring to the old days or the new.
Diane said, "It was our secret, a quiet unspoken part of my life," and they decided to keep it that way, at least until the kids were grown. Their youngest child was 23 when Dick publicly became Diane.
There wasn't total family acceptance. One child refused to speak to her father for more than two years, but they've since reconciled.
Some of the children still call Diane "Dad," but most of them and their grandchildren call Diane "Ama," which is Korean for grandmother.
"I am one of the unusual and lucky ones," Diane said of her family's acceptance. "People lose friends and family and can have ongoing problems. There were a few of my colleagues who didn't handle it well. There were a couple of people who turned away when they saw me coming."
The recent slaying of a transgendered East Bay youth brought back memories of their own adjustment period.
"I remember when this first started with Diane, I worried we'd be beat up," said Anne. "But then I decided we couldn't live in fear."
As a young man Dick was aware of the risks. "All my life I was a male impersonator," said Diane. "I grew up in a small town in Illinois, and there was an effeminate man in our neighborhood who was always getting beaten up and couldn't hold a job. I decided I better be macho. I tried to copy my Uncle Harry's walk."
He joined the Army at age 18 thinking it would stop his desire to cross dress, and after falling in love with Anne he thought marriage would make the difference.
Anne said it was not an issue for most of their marriage. It was only in the last year before he came out that she fully recognized the pressure on her husband and their relationship. "That last year I felt that life had no zest," said Diane. "Anne forced me to confront myself. She told me that I was a good and kind person and a good father."
Living a life
As a couple they attended a transgender support group similar to the one they now lead at their home. Diane, 64, and Anne, 60, have become leaders in the transgender community and are regular speakers at Bay Area churches, schools and colleges.
They have no problem with being public and in fact believe it's essential to transforming misconceptions.
"Dick was a popular and respected teacher," said Anne. "When the person is a pillar of the community, people have to take a second look because this isn't what they thought a transsexual person would be."
When Dick Giles was interviewed by The Press Democrat in 1996, his major concern was public ridicule. When the story was picked up by the Associated Press, Rush Limbaugh made some disparaging comments, but close to home they've felt accepted.
Another couple, Ginger (formerly George) and wife, Bobbie, had a different experience when George came out. A neighbor called Child Protective Services and reported them for child abuse. Social workers talked to the children and concluded they were not endangered by their father's gender change.
George Anderlohr was a 20-year Air Force man and truck driver, but he said he knew he was the wrong gender from age 6. At age 50, he came out to his family, friends and trucking company boss.
"I went off on vacation for 30 days and came back Ginger. I was the talk of Highway 101."
With his wife he wasn't as abrupt. "I tell other men who are doing this to take it slow or you'll lose your marriage. You have to let a person understand what you're feeling, give them a chance to get used to it."
Having surgery is the final and most irrevocable step for a transgendered individual, and Anne Giles gave her blessing.
"I told her, do what you need to be complete," she said, adding with a smile, "Frankly it was a little off-putting to be living with a woman whose anatomy didn't match."
While almost 40 years of marriage helps her to be more accepting than some might be, she doesn't dismiss the difficult challenges for wives of transgendered men.
"In many ways you are experiencing the death of the person you knew and going through a grieving process," said Anne.
"The neat thing is that all the good aspects of that person are still there."
Bobbie Anderlohr called Anne one night and said, "It just hit me. I'm losing my husband."
Anne said, "You hear a lot of wives say that. You also hear that what they don't miss is the man who was uptight, angry and pretty miserable."
Another thing that happens is wives suddenly find themselves with a new public image. Anne calls it becoming a "situational lesbian," which has its own acceptance problems.
"Now we have to be guarded about two women showing affection in public."
Anne kids Diane, that of the two, Diane has more interest in clothes and manicures, and that after many years of being in charge of her kitchen, "now I have to share it with another woman."
Through all the change, they remain a long-married couple who long ago divided up the domestic chores. Recently when the gutter at the Giles home needed attention it was Diane who crawled up on the roof.
You can reach Staff Writer Susan Swartz at (707) 521-5284 or [email protected]
The Santa Rosa (California) Press Democrat
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
(c) 2002 The Press Democrat. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.northbay.com/lifestyle/gener ... exual.html