Dogs' "Pet Peeves" about Humans

>

> Blaming your farts on me... not funny.

> Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

> How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything

> while you're gone.

> Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly

> who's walk is this anyway?

> Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

> Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why did you buy

> carpet?

> Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I

> haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

> How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth,

> you're just jealous.

> Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.

> Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew

> your crap up when you're not home.

> Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I

> freak out every time we go back.

> The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud

> moment for the top of the food chain.

> Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my

> knowledge, dogdom hadn't yet solved the visible fence problem!