Hi, I will use the services of an interpreter, since I live in another country. I do not know where to write this, so I will write here and hope moderation will help me and not delete it. But I will try to tell my whole story.

It all started with the fact that in October 2022 I was circumcised to get rid of phimosis, in December I met a girl on the Internet who was from my city, but lived and studied in a neighboring one, before that I did not think about the size and width of dignity. Then I started thinking about it, and it so happened that on February 23, 2023, I told her about my problems, and on February 24, she sent a voice message on a social network where a guy was talking about sex, and after she laughed, she said:Length is one thing, thickness is another.

Since then, I have been broken both physically and mentally, I was terribly hurt by it, after my messages and experiences after receiving it, I broke down, I can't watch porn and I can't listen to sex, genital organs and other things.

I was terribly hurt by her jokes about sex, about talking about dicks and how she and her friend discussed ex-boyfriends' dicks.

From that moment on, I hate myself and my penis, I have 12 centimeters and I lived the dream that it could be increased, but I understand that it is impossible to reach 30 centimeters.I still want to cut it off or become impotent so that I have an amputation, I get excited, I masturbate, but remembering the past, he falls and I get very depressed,

Are there any less painful ways of castration? Any remedies or medications or something like that?

I really can't live like this anymore, I want to get rid of him.:(

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By the way I forgot to say it in the subject right away,

I also get depressed when I realize that girls use dildos, vibrators and other things for self-satisfaction,

I don't know why, but I'm terribly burdened by all this.

The sentence will also write about me in the feminine, but I'm a guy, these are mistakes because the translator was not accurate

Hi. It is brave of you to write about these things. People here are usually very supportive and caring, so I hope you will get good advice from the community.

The experiences you have had sound upsetting. Any kind of surgery is a big change. You had surgery for phimosis, and this surgery is medically indicated. Accepting a sexual change put on you by the world can be emotionally vulnerable. In this moment somebody who should have been supportive was judgemental.

Forgive me when I say: It sounds like you are processing a lot of work around your identity, as well as negotiating what you want and need from a sex life.

You said that since this you hate yourself, but you have shown the virtue of courage by seeking out a supportive, non-judgemental community, and opening up about your troubles. Be proud of that courage. Also allow yourself to see in this courage evidence of care that you do have about yourself. I believe in you.

Castration and penectomy are real procedures that real people get. But... They are also rich cultural and psychological symbols of negotiations around gender, gender roles, belonging in society, sexual roles, and power exchange. There is nothing wrong, or unusual, or unhealthy about fantasies about modification to genitalia.

I can see that you are experiencing a lot of work and distress in terms of sexual identity. You are in the right place to explore these feelings. People here will be supportive to you whatever conclusions you come to about how you can meet your needs in your body and relationships.

If you do decide that surgery will improve your life, we all recommend seeking legal, licensed, insured, professional medical care. Preferably that would be on an informed consent basis, because some clinical pathways involve a lot of psychiatric or psychological gatekeeping that can be biased and distressing. You asked a direct question, so I will give a direct answer. I had an orchidectomy / castration at MTC in Tijuana in Mexico. I found them to be safe, trustworthy and professional.

Be safe. Be well.

You said you have to use an interpreter. I have written this in a way I hope will translate easily through software. If anything is hard to understand, please let me know.

I agree with what Magusuk89 has said. It seems you have a lot of stuff to sort through, and I hope you are able to do so and reach a good conclusion for yourself.