Hi!

My nickname is Edelweiss, and that's what you can call me.

I am not sure that I belong here because I am not interested in surgical castration, mostly because it's irreversible, only in testosterone suppression. But this place seems very interesting, so I decided that I may as well introduce myself.

What lead me here is that I am not interested in looking masculine like at all. I identified as a trans girl for two years and it was very fun, but I can't do this anymore because my body goals don't quite match and because my past is too messy.

I can't say that I always knew. I can't even say that I felt different ever. I didn't really fit in with anyone, but I never attributed it to gender. I have a lot of memories that point both ways, some of them even simultaneously. It's a mess.

The only clear trend that I can't find any deviations from is that I never wanted to look more masculine. As a child, I didn't really like what male puberty does to adolescent characters, but I didn't think about it much. I didn't get who can want facial hair. When my facial and body hair started growing, I hated it. I self-identified as very feminine at least from 15 years, but probably earlier. Last time I thought that I look good on photo was when I was 14. During my 16 year I had to make a lot of photos, and I remember liking them progressively less despite having longer hair, probably because of facial masculinization. Even then I wanted to believe that even if I hate my face, it counts as androgynous. It probably does, but it's 100% male. And I want to change it.

I ruminate a lot about my past because I don't like to make temporary decisions, even though my medication is super soft so I shouldn't worry that much.

Reason why am I posting it here, aside from feeling like I don't belong anywhere, is that I am a big history nerd. One of my favourite periods is Antiquity, and I associate eunuchs with it. I know that most people here probably don't care about this association and just live their lifes, but it still feels like touching history. And it's pretty interesting.

Welcome to the forums... Don't let a lack of interest in surgery deter you, as we have lots of members that don't want to go in that direction. However Testosterone suppression is definitely in our range of interest topics...

If you are interested in historical information I'd definitely suggest looking in the 'Non-Fiction Articles' forum area as there are a lot of history related documents there as well as lists of other reference sources. If you are into 'stories' I'd suggest looking at the historical fiction by Peuros in the story area.

I don't know what medical resources are available to you in your country, especially with all the problems it is having now, but if it is possible, I'd suggest trying to contact a "Trans-gender clinic" or organization, as they would have the best set of skills to address your medical desires. There is a fairly recently released document from WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) called the "SOC version 8" that now includes specific information about folks like us. It is much better to do things following a medically managed path than any sort of "do-it-yourself" methods, so if possible this is the best way to do things....

Good luck in reaching your goals

WheelyFixed

Hi and Welcome to the forum

I hope you find what you are looking for and makes some friends along the way

Wow!

While not completely feeling the same, I can relate very much to what you’re expressing, that I feel the urge to reply, which I hardly ever do.

I‘m curious: You said you lived 2 years as a trans girl, but, when I get this right, you’re still looking male? Although you’re on „super soft medication“? How come?

I think it would have been more accurate to say "lived with an assumption that I am a binary trans girl".

I am a recluse, my social life was mostly online since like 10 years old, so changing to girlmode was easy. And things from my past before I thought about transsexualism that I try to draw conclusions from are mostly jokes and menes, so this counts as "life".

I am on 2mg estrogen, which is not enough for feminization, but people report more androgynous appearance on it. I don't see any changes on photos, but I had some people recently mistake me for a girl, so maybe it does work.

Edelweiss (imported) wrote: Thu Oct 26, 2023 4:46 pm I think it would have been more accurate to say "lived with an assumption that I am a binary trans girl".

I am a recluse, my social life was mostly online since like 10 years old, so changing to girlmode was easy. And things from my past before I thought about transsexualism that I try to draw conclusions from are mostly jokes and menes, so this counts as "life".

I am on 2mg estrogen, which is not enough for feminization, but people report more androgynous appearance on it. I don't see any changes on photos, but I had some people recently mistake me for a girl, so maybe it does work.

From all reports, unfortunately the face and voice changes that come w/ male puberty are pretty much permanent once they have happened... I haven't seen anything about hormones or other drugs being able to change them. Supposedly there is 'voice training' and (expensive) plastic surgery that can help some but how much I don't know. (I prefer to stay looking male, so haven't done much investigating beyond what I see in other contexts) Estrogen and other hormones can cause other changes like growing breasts (probably not very big ones w/o a lot of specific hormones and even then not huge) and redistribution of body fat.... If you couple that with more androgynous or feminine choices in clothes, hairstyles and so forth, it could easily account for what you are seeing.

WheelyFixed