alot as it seemed normal to do well my mom started to notice and she started telling to leave it alone stop doing that. It's dirty to play with it.Then later she would start to she would cut it off if she saw me playing with it. And even asked me if I wanted to pee like a girl for the rest of my life this kinda stuck with me In my mind but of course I would say no. Also around those years between 3 and 4 I was starting to getting my fun in being naked kid most the time. Well one time I was staying with my Step Grandmother my grandfathers late wife my moms Dad. One time I was wearing a long t night gown with no underpants on because they where getting washed.
So while I was waiting and sitting on the floor and I got bored and started playing with my :dong:for a moment kinda showing it to there dogs maybe hoping they bite it off but my grandmother also had said that she would cut off
for playing with it like that.In my first grade class I had my first time special moment with a girl in my class during a nap time.
Well this girl that was laying next to me on a mat we wernt really sleeping she wanted to do the I will show you mine if you show me Yours. And when she showed me hers I saw how smooth and nothing sticking out just two little folds she let me touch it sparked 3 things in me .
I liked girls i liked what they had and what didn't as in lack of external genitals. When I showed her mine she said that it looked cute.
After that I had a few more moments with my mom one time my mom got a little more annoyed about it so she wanted to scare me into stop playing with it she had me go into the kitchen where she had me dropped my pants and pulled out a pair of scissors and asked me in a firm tone voice . Do you want me to cut that off? At that moment I kinda wanted her too but I also didn't. I even said yes at first that kinda freaked her out but I quickly said no. I guess I kinda imagined going to school without a
for the rest of my life lol.And I even asked my grandmother to cut it off too when I spent the night there in her bed next to her because my grandfather had passed since then.
Years later living in Missouri in 2001 I still held on to those thoughts in the back of my mind I was 12 years old when I started to do research on information on like what happens if you cut your
off ect finding sites where people like here talked about this stuff but on yahoo or Tribez net where guys did videos and pictures of doing this to themselves.And other places where they share there experiences on other sites.
When I was i think 10 or 13 my mom got real serious about threatening to cut it off because I was getting into the age where I liked girls more and even did some stuff with a cousin.
And I guess my mom knew that my hormones where making me a little to cirous around girls. She was raped by her dad and brother when she was little girl and had since then developed a kinda hatred for teen boys and men who didn't control themselves and or used them on innocent girls and women.
She was afraid I'd turned out like her father and brother. And would do it to put a stop to it on me .so that really made me want it even more.
And I did try some attempts to destroy it cut it a little many times did a little scissor play with it between the blades. I still do a little bit.
I was really all for it in my younger years obsessed maybe my dating life it may have played a part in my breakups with my two different ex girlfriends i mostly mentioned it in someas some light harted jokes although with other it started out talking about how some people put them fake cow balls on the back of trucks on the hitch. Well at first she and I then said something about putting mine on the back of my truck kinda joking a little about all though she seemed kinda okay with that thought because I guess some girls didn't care about what happens to them as long as they give them a kid then they can go .when I mentioned about my penis she said no that can stay.
But one time she once told me about her best friends boyfriend on how he was being a jeark to her and she almost cut his off
. And I asked my girlfriend if she would do that to me she said only if you treat me wrong . or cheat on me. So that led me to asking her about more like bugging her about if I had it removed and if she'd stay with me as I told her that it can make a guy be submissive to her and make me want to do thing to pleasure her for mine.
So we kinda broke up after that we where both kinda fresh out of high school she was younger than me .
And she was first for my sexual experience and my last my dick has been inside since then been going solo ever since .
After that I fell into a deep depression and wanted to actually do it myself right then and there no one was home yet I was in my room no clothing on i went out to get the shears because I guess I wanted do it quickly and get it over with i went back to my room sat on the corner of my bed lakes spread apart because I wanted to see my dick fall to the floor when it came off.
I put a towel in my mouth and then put my penis between the cold metal blades ready to snip. But my brother had came home and saw what I was about to do and got all mad kinda beat me up over it because my brother had always hit me when he gets angry with me over the years and now. But after that I haven't done anything major over the past few years I've started to shift to the idea of Nullification so I can be free of it all.
But I feel like I really want this some day somehow somewhere where it's available now. But in my 30s now I'm still waiting to find someone to be with and maybe have some some kids before I'd have it done or have it done before and find some alternatives after that. Right now it's on the back burner right now because I have to figure out out how to go about it further while living with my family still because of my learning and mental disabilitys I'd have to find ways to try some the tips for the first steps to find out if this is something I really want or what. I've only some rubber band banding short session at times.
Well that's about it.