• I had the surgery

Posted: **Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:05 am**

So, I had nullification surgery exactly 4 days ago.

I was shown a picture of my result immediately after I woke up, and it looked better than I expected.

It helped me in my recovery and loneliness.

But during those days, my emotions fluctuated dramatically, between happiness and "why did I do it" that felt like a brick on my chest.

I've been interested in nullification for a while, and I tried to cover all corners in my research.

In those forums I heard people voice concerns about their dating life, while others describe how it changed them internally. I even talked to someone who voiced regret less than a month after surgery. I went on de-trans forums on reddit, I talked to friends and therapists.

None of those negative aspects could change my mind.

I wonder why. My soul really wanted to see me becoming a nullo, and I fought every doubt.

I'm happy with the result aesthetically, I'm not concerned about sex life or relief (although it's too early to tell). In the worst-case scenario, it doesn't really affect my lifestyle.

But I wish I could silence those intrusive thoughts of "why", for now. though I don't want to ignore any emotion or be hard on myself in any way.

Posted: **Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:28 am**

Congrats on your surgery. I was nullified 3.5 years ago now. The scar is barely visible anymore and it's like there was nothing there. I was somewhat surprised that the moment I woke up I immediately felt a sense of relief. It was almost 24 hours before I was able to see anything under the bandages. Overall I'm very happy and I don't know that I miss it but I do think about it sometimes. That doesn't really result in any regret.

To be honest, I had the hardest time realizing that I was a eunuch. I was glad the penis was gone but had to later accept that I was a eunuch. It's a big change so give it time to sink in.

Reach out if I can answer any questions.

Posted: **Tue Jun 20, 2023 9:35 am**

It is my speculation of course. It might be some transitional emotion, as the change is well... Life changing. You are not used to it yet. I have experienced similar emotions after I started chemcastration. At one point I felt extatic and then I felt stupid asking my self why am I doing such abnormal things to myself and felt bad about it. Still despite I had a chance to discontinue I did not. And after about 1,5 months I stopped getting these annoying feelings. The had the same feelings after my circumcision. It very easily might be a temporary thing. So don't take it too seriously. Overthinking might lead to non existent problems which feel very real.

Posted: **Tue Jun 20, 2023 1:28 pm**

First of all, congratulations! Welcome to the nullo club

I am trying to remember if you went into the surgery "fully intact" ie with fully functioning testicles? If so, perhaps some of the emotional swings could just be caused by the sudden loss of testosterone. Studies on prostate cancer patients who underwent castration showed natural testosterone levels dropped to castrate levels within about 8 hours.

Posted: **Tue Jun 20, 2023 5:15 pm**

Wannabe_Uneck (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:05 am So, I had nullification surgery exactly 4 days ago.

I was shown a picture of my result immediately after I woke up, and it looked better than I expected.

It helped me in my recovery and loneliness.

But during those days, my emotions fluctuated dramatically, between happiness and "why did I do it" that felt like a brick on my chest.

I've been interested in nullification for a while, and I tried to cover all corners in my research.

In those forums I heard people voice concerns about their dating life, while others describe how it changed them internally. I even talked to someone who voiced regret less than a month after surgery. I went on de-trans forums on reddit, I talked to friends and therapists.

None of those negative aspects could change my mind.

I wonder why. My soul really wanted to see me becoming a nullo, and I fought every doubt.

I'm happy with the result aesthetically, I'm not concerned about sex life or relief (although it's too early to tell). In the worst-case scenario, it doesn't really affect my lifestyle.

But I wish I could silence those intrusive thoughts of "why", for now. though I don't want to ignore any emotion or be hard on myself in any way.

Congratulations again!

I wish you a quick and complete recovery!

:balsmilie

Posted: **Wed Jun 21, 2023 2:56 am**

thank you all. the following two days after I posted this, I felt great, kind of a euphoria, which quickly changed again to a feeling of tiredness.

I understand that those mood swings might be directly related to testosterone imbalance. I thought it'll take longer to get those effects...

I have an appointment with the endocrinologist next week. Which seems too far away.

I need hugs for now.

Posted: **Wed Jun 21, 2023 5:47 am**

I have been dreaming to becoming nullo for many years. I have sometimes felt contradictions, but I always come back to the same. I really want it. I believe that when it's done

I feel the same joy as I feel after wake up the anesthesia after the castration.

Congratulations! I wish you a quick and perfect recovery!

Posted: **Thu Aug 10, 2023 4:43 am**

How are you doing with your recovery now?

Posted: **Thu Aug 10, 2023 2:36 pm**

I offer my very enthusiastic "congratulations" to you! I am sure that ultimately you will be very happy and the questions of "why" are going to fade away, you made a choice, and I am sure that it was the right choice for you.

Posted: **Sun Aug 13, 2023 11:04 pm**

thank you all for asking.

Update, 8 and a half weeks post op: I'm content, and happy with the recovery, although it's slower than I thought. The thoughts of "why" sometimes visit me for short periods, and they mostly feel like guilt more than anything. I guess it has something to do with keeping it a secret from my family (I stuff a sock in my pants when I go to meet them).

But overall, I feel that this surgery has made me a real man more than anything. Being focused on getting such a thing, so unacceptable socially, even crazy, unthinkable, makes me feel like I'm some kind of a goal-getter, the brave kind. I took a decision, I did it under uncomfortable circumstances and I owned it.

My journey isn't done. I may revisit a plastic surgeon two months from now, and a dermatologist next month, I'm still looking for a sexual or a romantic partner, and many other plans for the future.

I had the surgery - mixed emotions

I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions

Re: I had the surgery - mixed emotions