Hello
Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2023 12:35 pm
Hello everybody and greetings from Germany!
For those of you who like short texts I will make the long story short and crisp:
I'm 25 years old, identify as non-binary, didn't develop too male and stayed rather short (luckily) and I want to get rid of my male genitals since basically ever. I've decided to join this forum because I am looking for exchange and possibly a way to make my dream come true here in Germany. While I'm not new to these kind of communities (I've been a member on some other sites as well), most other places have shut down by now and so I thought I'd give this forum a try.
Now the long story:
Like many of you I have always known that I am different. Due to a medical condition I was born with, I got semi-castrated before the age of six and - before that, due to the same condition - I got my entire foreskin removed. While the result worked and fixed the condition, my little member looked botched on the underside and also got circumcision marks at the upper base - an aesthetic horror I have since despised. Early on I did develop the wish to rather have my member gone completely and wished that they had removed the other testicle as well.
When puberty set on, I instantly disliked the changes to my body. Luckily, puberty turned out rather lazy on me. I stayed pretty small (even smaller than the average woman), did not develop a too deep voice, and at least when I shave my beard I still at times get asked whether I'm "already 16 years old". My member also kept tiny, when erect far below the average size even of a flaccid male member, and my little testicle also kept its tiny size.
Unfortunately, some (for my liking) too manly changes still occurred. My beard grows more or less normally, but with a density too low to look even slightly decent if I were to keep it growing, and at the same time with hairs too thick to shave it more than once a week (going to try a new razor next week, wish me luck!). I also despise the hair on the rest of my body, especially my legs and my crotch and butt. Furthermore, my libido is far stronger than I'd like it to be. It's been that way even since long before puberty, perhaps triggered or at least amplified through the surgeries. Yet I believe it would have been there even without the surgeries. If I get horny - and that since kindergarten age - it distracts me from my tasks and plans and leads me to spending too much time and energy on jacking off. And sometimes, even money (luckily though I'm still kinda stingy even when horny)...
Due to me knowing from young age that my member had been modified, I searched the internet and stumbled upon this whole thematic, which instantly caught my interest. And even before I discovered the world of eunuchs and people who by their own will seek to lose parts or all of their genitals, I knew I wanted my genitals gone and fantasized about it since childhood (and well, I also fantasized about other boys in my elementary school getting their members cut off - I was a very sexually active little fucker). Don't get me wrong, it's not a fantasy I get aroused to which then gets dismissed after reaching the climax (when the infamous post-nut-clarity sets in). The thought arouses me, yes, but it has always been there, and it is still there even after the orgasm.
Even before the beginning of puberty, around the age of ten, I already knew that I totally wanted to become a nullo. I disliked my male features, my erections, the ejaculations, the libido. Everything. At the same time, I also discovered my preference for more or less anything girly or female - especially wearing girlsÂ’ clothes (I found some sorted out clothes in our basement from my older sister which had been lying there since ever and wore them when I was alone at home, and boy did I feel free and happy wearing them). But I also knew that I did not want to live as a girl and become a woman as a whole. I wanted to be both: Male (even though more in a neutral sense) and female. In retrospective, I would have been the happiest if I did not have to go through puberty at all and were to grow up as a neutral, genderless being with the ability to switch between a male, a female and a neutral identity. If we're being honest, puberty did not do that much for me anyway, so I could have skipped that bit as well.
After reaching adulthood and moving into my own apartment for university, I also started more actively searching for a way to become castrated as a first start into my new self. Unfortunately, this is rather difficult to accomplish in Germany, especially in the more conservative state of Bavaria I am living in. I had the thought of doing it myself since childhood (I actually had planned to cut off my glans on my fourteenth birthday as a start and to reduce my sensitivity as well as ability to orgasm, but backed off on that very day). But I'd rather not risk that, especially not without proper company to take care of me in case anything went wrong. Then I thought about finding an underground cutter to get the job done and had already chatted with some. But seriously, the results of many cutters looking like a slaughter fest deterred me from that, too. Unfortunately, the legal situation in Germany is that such a surgery is not permitted by professional medical personal if not medically necessary - especially if I'm not male-to-female transgender (our laws on the whole transgender topic are ancient and have rarely been updated since). Luckily, it doesn't matter if my transformation starts in one year or five or ten, as I highly doubt any significant changes to my body will occur over the next years due to my testosterone, as I'm already in my mid-twenties.
I identify as non-binary, having some sort of maleish-neutral identity (partly out of habit and laziness) and a female identity (which I'm yet too shy to live out in public, but I'm working on that). My goal is to lose my penis, testicle and scrotum, getting a urethral reroute and getting my prostate removed as well. I want my body to look as neutral as possible to allow me to easily switch between a male and a female appearance as I like it. I also want my libido to be gone as well as any capability of getting sexually stimulated (it just bothers me, and orgasms push me into a post-nut depression while oftenly underwhelming the climax). I know it will be a difficult task to accomplish, but I am serious about it, and I am fully aware of all the consequences. And honestly, I'd already be more than happy only getting castrated in a clean and safe way.
Well, that's for the beginning all there is to know about me. I'm looking forward to the exchanges and discussions happening on this site. If you'd like to know more about me or exchange your stories and experiences with me, feel free to write me. I promise I won't bite
And thank you for keeping this place alive, where people like me can freely express themselves and write what they might never be able to write anywhere else without fear of being despised and outcasted!
For those of you who like short texts I will make the long story short and crisp:
I'm 25 years old, identify as non-binary, didn't develop too male and stayed rather short (luckily) and I want to get rid of my male genitals since basically ever. I've decided to join this forum because I am looking for exchange and possibly a way to make my dream come true here in Germany. While I'm not new to these kind of communities (I've been a member on some other sites as well), most other places have shut down by now and so I thought I'd give this forum a try.
Now the long story:
Like many of you I have always known that I am different. Due to a medical condition I was born with, I got semi-castrated before the age of six and - before that, due to the same condition - I got my entire foreskin removed. While the result worked and fixed the condition, my little member looked botched on the underside and also got circumcision marks at the upper base - an aesthetic horror I have since despised. Early on I did develop the wish to rather have my member gone completely and wished that they had removed the other testicle as well.
When puberty set on, I instantly disliked the changes to my body. Luckily, puberty turned out rather lazy on me. I stayed pretty small (even smaller than the average woman), did not develop a too deep voice, and at least when I shave my beard I still at times get asked whether I'm "already 16 years old". My member also kept tiny, when erect far below the average size even of a flaccid male member, and my little testicle also kept its tiny size.
Unfortunately, some (for my liking) too manly changes still occurred. My beard grows more or less normally, but with a density too low to look even slightly decent if I were to keep it growing, and at the same time with hairs too thick to shave it more than once a week (going to try a new razor next week, wish me luck!). I also despise the hair on the rest of my body, especially my legs and my crotch and butt. Furthermore, my libido is far stronger than I'd like it to be. It's been that way even since long before puberty, perhaps triggered or at least amplified through the surgeries. Yet I believe it would have been there even without the surgeries. If I get horny - and that since kindergarten age - it distracts me from my tasks and plans and leads me to spending too much time and energy on jacking off. And sometimes, even money (luckily though I'm still kinda stingy even when horny)...
Due to me knowing from young age that my member had been modified, I searched the internet and stumbled upon this whole thematic, which instantly caught my interest. And even before I discovered the world of eunuchs and people who by their own will seek to lose parts or all of their genitals, I knew I wanted my genitals gone and fantasized about it since childhood (and well, I also fantasized about other boys in my elementary school getting their members cut off - I was a very sexually active little fucker). Don't get me wrong, it's not a fantasy I get aroused to which then gets dismissed after reaching the climax (when the infamous post-nut-clarity sets in). The thought arouses me, yes, but it has always been there, and it is still there even after the orgasm.
Even before the beginning of puberty, around the age of ten, I already knew that I totally wanted to become a nullo. I disliked my male features, my erections, the ejaculations, the libido. Everything. At the same time, I also discovered my preference for more or less anything girly or female - especially wearing girlsÂ’ clothes (I found some sorted out clothes in our basement from my older sister which had been lying there since ever and wore them when I was alone at home, and boy did I feel free and happy wearing them). But I also knew that I did not want to live as a girl and become a woman as a whole. I wanted to be both: Male (even though more in a neutral sense) and female. In retrospective, I would have been the happiest if I did not have to go through puberty at all and were to grow up as a neutral, genderless being with the ability to switch between a male, a female and a neutral identity. If we're being honest, puberty did not do that much for me anyway, so I could have skipped that bit as well.
After reaching adulthood and moving into my own apartment for university, I also started more actively searching for a way to become castrated as a first start into my new self. Unfortunately, this is rather difficult to accomplish in Germany, especially in the more conservative state of Bavaria I am living in. I had the thought of doing it myself since childhood (I actually had planned to cut off my glans on my fourteenth birthday as a start and to reduce my sensitivity as well as ability to orgasm, but backed off on that very day). But I'd rather not risk that, especially not without proper company to take care of me in case anything went wrong. Then I thought about finding an underground cutter to get the job done and had already chatted with some. But seriously, the results of many cutters looking like a slaughter fest deterred me from that, too. Unfortunately, the legal situation in Germany is that such a surgery is not permitted by professional medical personal if not medically necessary - especially if I'm not male-to-female transgender (our laws on the whole transgender topic are ancient and have rarely been updated since). Luckily, it doesn't matter if my transformation starts in one year or five or ten, as I highly doubt any significant changes to my body will occur over the next years due to my testosterone, as I'm already in my mid-twenties.
I identify as non-binary, having some sort of maleish-neutral identity (partly out of habit and laziness) and a female identity (which I'm yet too shy to live out in public, but I'm working on that). My goal is to lose my penis, testicle and scrotum, getting a urethral reroute and getting my prostate removed as well. I want my body to look as neutral as possible to allow me to easily switch between a male and a female appearance as I like it. I also want my libido to be gone as well as any capability of getting sexually stimulated (it just bothers me, and orgasms push me into a post-nut depression while oftenly underwhelming the climax). I know it will be a difficult task to accomplish, but I am serious about it, and I am fully aware of all the consequences. And honestly, I'd already be more than happy only getting castrated in a clean and safe way.
Well, that's for the beginning all there is to know about me. I'm looking forward to the exchanges and discussions happening on this site. If you'd like to know more about me or exchange your stories and experiences with me, feel free to write me. I promise I won't bite
And thank you for keeping this place alive, where people like me can freely express themselves and write what they might never be able to write anywhere else without fear of being despised and outcasted!