erikboy (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 14, 2022 4:17 am
Thank you for the insight! Could you please describe differences of hornyness? T hornyness makes sexual thoughts to pop up in your brain, out of blue and sometimes too often. Allowing these thoughts into your mind can quickly lead to sexual excitement and sometimes to stupid behaviour (unexpected/inappropriate), also feeding paraphilias.
I have been chemcastrated few times for various periods, up to 4 months. Also I remember very well how orgasms felt before puberty. As an eunuch, sometimes orgasms feel bland and shallow, other times there is wave of warmths that engulfs your whole body from top of the head to toes. It is not so intense, but lasts longer. How would you compare eunuch orgasms to estogen assisted orgasms?
Horniness is very different. It doesn't inundate your mind so easily, it's more slow, simmering and sensual, and less primitive, sudden, and quick. At least that's how I feel it.
And the way you describe eunuch orgasms sounds very similar to what I've experienced. I haven't felt that they're sometimes bland and shallow as you say, that probably only happens when your body is lacking sexual hormones. But they do feel like a warmth engulfing your body, it extends a bit more to the legs and chest and feels more of a sensation that extends and calms your whole body, rather than T orgasms which I feel are much more concentrated on the penis, you cum, and that's it. It's like shooting a gun. They may sometimes be a bit stronger I guess? But they're also shorter and once they happen it's like everything ended, like you drove all of the sexual excitation out of your body and you can just go on like nothing happened. So in my opinion they ain't nearly as fulfilling. Erectile dysfunction is also cited as a common issue, but it hasn't been a problem for me. Everything down there changes, obviously, but ED seems to affect one more or less frequently depending on factors like age, previous size, being a grower vs a shower, and how often they masturbate and/or have sexual interactions. Not doing anything with it it's of course going to reduce its size (which it will also do anyways, just that not as severely). Also it may happen more depending on which medication are you using to block testosterone production/metabolization. For example, cyproterone acetate will brutally assassinate your penile function and your libido if you use just even medium to high doses, while others medications won't be so aggressive with your sexual organs, and with your whole body for that matter but I won't expand further on that issue right now without being asked for that specifically because I know I'll write some aggressively large paragraphs about it
I must also mention that I feel amazing about it not only from the objective scientific-level observation of the changes in my body and its functions, but because I've always hated testosterone. For me personally, it's a poison that made too much damage to my body. I knew I didn't want its effects before I started to suffer them in my body, I knew I didn't want its effects while they were happening in my body, and I had to mentalize myself to accept that it was gonna be like that for some time more before I could start HRT, but it was demoralizing and sometimes just traumatizing.
Finally starting to have a woman's body is so liberating to me. Even though my gender identity has sometimes been fluid and out of the binary (but it never felt right to be a boy/man) I have always known from very early that I felt like a girl, that I wanted to be known and recognized as a woman, socialize like that, and that was how I wanted my body to be. So now that after having gone through my teens with everybody just knowing me as a girl, I could fulfill what was a necessity for me, changing my body and becoming both at the same time an adult and a woman, I feel incredibly happy and fulfilled with my life and myself. Finally, when I see my reflection in a mirror I see myself and that motivates me to keep going. This may not translate the same way for you as your gender is Eunuch, so in some aspects the level to which my experience can be compared into yours may be a bit limited, even when trying to describe it the most objective way possible, and only in physical terms, although that's something that only you can know.
It should be noted too that I've been for nearly 7 months on T-blockers and estradiol, but the changes in my body are certainly a bit accelerated compared to the average transitioning person because I started hormones literally just a month after coming of legal age (and only because I couldn't get the official approval to start before, if that were to have happened I would've started back in November, but whatever) so don't expect changes to come so quickly if right now your body is running on its endogenously produced testosterone!
Oh and about the inappropriate sexual behavior and paraphilias. I can't speak from the wisdom of personal experience there, but I think I can see that you're worried about it, and you seem to feel a bit guilty about it all. Your sexual drive, as I've mentioned before in my previous message, should diminish and can change in very different ways, so don't panic! But I must add that if you still feel distressed there's lots of psychologists specialized in that field which can help you to sort all those feelings. Everything will turn out ok, trust me!
Sorry for the humongous textwall
I hope I've been helpful again
