the big after surgery test with family is coming very soon.

my sister texted me yesterday. why she did not call is beyond me but she texted and told me that my cousin is coming with her family from across the country to visit and wants to see all of us.

keeping it simple, i grew up in a left wing atheistic kind of family while my cousin is religious and probably kind of right leaning. she is in her 50s. i am in my 70s. we have not seen each other since she was no more than in her teens. ok maybe 20s.

but lets remember that i was castrated a few months ago. i tried to talk about this with my sister. i believed us to be close enough that we could. first she was against it. then she was accepting. then she advised against it. i also believe that she brought this to the attention of my brothers (with my ok). at the time i thought there would be further conversation however it seems that they all may very well know and have chosen to not talk about it at all.

for me, castration has eliminated the horrors in my mind that made me suffer for most of my life. i did express that i expected this kind of change with my sister prior to surgery. i’d think she’d be ok with my finding a little happiness in my life. but so far i do not know. she has been silent and has not asked so i cannot tell. i’ve been the one who always calls her and i feel so ignored that she does not ever call me. i’d have been so happy if she would just call me and ask. she also does not know one way or the other if i actually did go and get the surgery. that means that if she told my other siblings, no one knows for sure but may likely suspect.

now we are going to have a big family gathering and i can just hear my oldest brother wondering to my sister before we all meet “does he have boobs?” “does he have a high pitched voice?” “is all his hair gone?” and i wonder what kind of trepidations they may be going through now and how the family meeting will go. will there be the awkward silence?

and how i’m thinking right now that if my sister (at least) does not approach me and deal with the issue like i believe she should that i may feel compelled to be quite open at the dinner table by saying something like “hey, by the way, i had my balls cut off a few months ago”.

so has anyone gone through something like this? can i scream “eeks” and “what should i do?” there comes a time i guess when this stuff does have to be brought out into the open - maybe - a little? i just can’t comprehend not touching the subject at all, and i have just two weeks to prepare or not prepare and live through whatever will happen. it will affect my kids. it will affect my wife. it will affect my siblings and it will affect my cousin and her family. it may be an affront to ideologies, and belief systems and even strong family bonds.

i need input on this. or as i’ve managed all my life, i’ll just have to deal in the lonely way i’ve always done. but it sure would be nice to get to see a pathway through this forest - if such a pathway exists - and hear from people if anyone knows where that pathway is.

thanks for reading.

I have never suffered as much as you did.

My relatives and close acquaintances were aware of my changes, but almost never let me know that they knew about it.

This has never been discussed publicly, at least in my presence...

Also, I never felt lonely .

My immediate adopted family is aware of my castration, as are my closest friends. It generates a joking comment on occasion from friends, but never a word from my siblings, though they know. We get along just fine, and I am OK with where things are. No one else needs to know anything, except my doctors whom I pick and choose.

I don't have relevant experience to any great degree, but it seems to me that the only people who have a real "Need to Know" about one's state are potential bed partners and people you see professionally that have extra letters tacked on the end of their names (i.e. M.D., N,P., etc...)

Generally this does not apply to family members... (one hopes! )

I have told my girlfriend of many years, and my medical team, otherwise nobody, as I don't think it is any of their business...

Given that you have sort of told some of your family, it is hard to say who knows what, but I don't see any reason to bring it up if they don't... From what I've experienced in other contexts, those with strong beliefs that something is not good are often willing to pretend ignorance in the interest of keeping peace as long as their noses aren't rubbed in it...

So I'd suggest 'Letting sleeping dogs lie" and not bring it up unless they do...

WheelyCurious

I guess my reasons for needing to share this information is because we all come from the same dysfunctional family where we were all exposed to ongoing sexual abuse and parental narcissistic behavior. I see them as being my allies and we should all be mutual supporters

Sir, we all sympathize with you!

However, it's been a long time...

I always remember only good things about my parents and loved ones.

Valery_V (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 05, 2022 8:52 pm Sir, we all sympathize with you!

However, it's been a long time...

I always remember only good things about my parents and loved ones.

that great!

Valery_V (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 05, 2022 8:52 pm Sir, we all sympathize with you!

However, it's been a long time...

I always remember only good things about my parents and loved ones.

in my teens I confided in my brother and told him that I was self harming. I was clear that this was not something I wanted to do. I was clear that I had no idea why I was doing it. his great advice was that if I didn't like doing it, I should stop doing it. if I could have done that, I assure you that I would not be here now. I would never have become a eunuch because I would never have needed to eliminate the poison testosterone from my body. but I was being poisoned by it and the poison was slowly killing me. I reached a point just a few months ago where I was about to use an elastrator. yes really. I admit to having a deficiency in my personality that doctors and therapy only responded to with ignorance or closed mindedness. they still think it was wrong for me to have gotten an orchiectomy. I would guess they would criticize many here on this site for the same. im not proud that I wasted my life but it took that long to come to terms with knowing that killing my testicles was what was needed. I never needed sympathy. just the realization and acceptance that I was living with poison in my blood and narrow mindedness demanded that the only way to deal with that was to man up and live with it. and do meds and therapy. that shit doesn't work. I thought you realized that. my parents did lots of good stuff. I'm grateful for that. but does that make the abuse ok? did they try to have me receive mental help at 2, 5, or in my early teens when I clearly showed signs of depression and self harm. nope. my father was doing abusive things to his kids. my grandfather was forcing sex on my younger sister. and I was starting to emulate that perverted behavior. it's a wonder that I was able to rise above that. but I did but it left me hating my body and mind. so yeah I do remember and love the good things they did for me but I remember the pain too that I was never able to heal from. my deficiency. sorry. and pleeeeeeeze don't call me SIR.

I've never understood this stress about having to tell you family. Unless you're going to make a dramatic nude entrance at some sort of family event, they don't need to know.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 06, 2022 5:56 am I've never understood this stress about having to tell you family. Unless you're going to make a dramatic nude entrance at some sort of family event, they don't need to know.

I was actually referring to apparent “stress” on the part of some of my family members who already knew about my interest in castration - thru conversation about my self harm prior to my actual plans for having the surgery done in a medically safe way. Particularly I was thinking of my sister.

Like I have already mentioned, I found myself for several years trying to perform the surgery myself or at least trying to facilitate having the surgery. This led to numerous ER visits and hospital stays. During those events my mental state made it impossible for me to not attempt.

Maybe you would like to make a judgement on my state of mind at those times, but consider that I might never have had the talk about self harm and castration with her, if there were not huge gaps in the American mental healthcare system. There were times when the needed therapy was not available to me.

During these times and even before, I needed someone to talk to and my sister was the only one I knew and trusted to talk about these things since we were both subjected to abuse by the same abusers during childhood. That led me to feeling safe talking with her about our shared experience growing up. I believed my talking with her was part of my healing process and that started quite a bit before I ever planned the orchi.

Now I sense her reluctance to talk to me. This is my concern. I find just dropping the subject now troublesome. You may not have had a similar experience in your lifetime and that might be why you don’t understand. But if you have, I’d be interested to know how you handled it if similar circumstances had occurred.

but just so you know, i did enjoy the imagery you conjured up with the nude entrance/family event.