I’ve been experiencing something I call discomfort. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing. I don’t know know how to put it because it could easily come off as being antagonizing or disrespectful or hateful or what else?

I think I have a fear of men so when on this site, even the kind of site this is, I perceive myself to be surrounded by men. I consider myself a man. I see a beard - even on tv and want to run and hide. I hear a deep voice speaking and it becomes a distressing thing.

I don’t know where this comes from. Perhaps abuse as a child? I just don’t know. There is no chance there was a bad experience in my adult life. But this feeling has been getting stronger and stronger lately. Then there is also a feeling of distress when seeing pictures of sexy women. Maybe I want to be completely asexual. But there is no comfort there either.

People I’ve encountered in therapy have tried to be helpful yet I felt at least in a sense, violated by being in their presence.

It seems like this is a site that I need. Yet i find myself kind of freaking out because it feels like I’m being assaulted.

So I wonder, does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone have any idea why a person might have these feelings? Has anyone experienced anything similar. I’ve come here to find allies for my life, but I am afraid. I have not figured out how to deal with this. I doubt that running away will solve anything but I don’t know how facing it will help either.

I’

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Sun May 08, 2022 9:18 am ve been experiencing something I call discomfort. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing. I don’t know know how to put it because it could easily come off as being antagonizing or disrespectful or hateful or what else?

I think I have a fear of men so when on this site, even the kind of site this is, I perceive myself to be surrounded by men. I consider myself a man. I see a beard - even on tv and want to run and hide. I hear a deep voice speaking and it becomes a distressing thing.

I don’t know where this comes from. Perhaps abuse as a child? I just don’t know. There is no chance there was a bad experience in my adult life. But this feeling has been getting stronger and stronger lately. Then there is also a feeling of distress when seeing pictures of sexy women. Maybe I want to be completely asexual. But there is no comfort there either.

People I’ve encountered in therapy have tried to be helpful yet I felt at least in a sense, violated by being in their presence.

It seems like this is a site that I need. Yet i find myself kind of freaking out because it feels like I’m being assaulted.

So I wonder, does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone have any idea why a person might have these feelings? Has anyone experienced anything similar. I’ve come here to find allies for my life, but I am afraid. I have not figured out how to deal with this. I doubt that running away will solve anything but I don’t know how facing it will help either.

In my life I have had a similar feeling of discomfort. I usually guessed that I was somewhat different...

On the EA website, I just do not feel discomfort.

I’

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Sun May 08, 2022 9:18 am ve been experiencing something I call discomfort. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing. I don’t know know how to put it because it could easily come off as being antagonizing or disrespectful or hateful or what else?

I think I have a fear of men so when on this site, even the kind of site this is, I perceive myself to be surrounded by men. I consider myself a man. I see a beard - even on tv and want to run and hide. I hear a deep voice speaking and it becomes a distressing thing.

I don’t know where this comes from. Perhaps abuse as a child? I just don’t know. There is no chance there was a bad experience in my adult life. But this feeling has been getting stronger and stronger lately. Then there is also a feeling of distress when seeing pictures of sexy women. Maybe I want to be completely asexual. But there is no comfort there either.

People I’ve encountered in therapy have tried to be helpful yet I felt at least in a sense, violated by being in their presence.

It seems like this is a site that I need. Yet i find myself kind of freaking out because it feels like I’m being assaulted.

So I wonder, does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone have any idea why a person might have these feelings? Has anyone experienced anything similar. I’ve come here to find allies for my life, but I am afraid. I have not figured out how to deal with this. I doubt that running away will solve anything but I don’t know how facing it will help either.

I would suggest finding a therapist who specializes in de-sensitization. Phobias can be overcome, and later figured out as to source/cause.

this may be true. i agree, but at the moment, i am wondering why i’m being filled with it right at this time. that is, it’s been with me for quite some time now but seems to be surging lately. i guess that therapy would address that too, but it is a question in my mind and have been needing to ask it where people might have ideas of similarity or something. i hope that makes sense. thanks for your reply K

d2s

Valery_V (imported) wrote: Sun May 08, 2022 9:35 am In my life I have had a similar feeling of discomfort. I usually guessed that I was somewhat different...

On the EA website, I just do not feel discomfort.

hmm, maybe we are each different while being the same too

It is not uncommon. If you see a decent therapist along with a good psychiatrist, it will truly be your best root. You might feel distant from everyone or being not understood. However, doctors and decent therapists can really understand you. It will not be comfortable and you may face arrogant people but eventually you’ll overcome it with your best ability.

Take care

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Sun May 08, 2022 9:18 am I’ve been experiencing something I call discomfort. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing. I don’t know know how to put it because it could easily come off as being antagonizing or disrespectful or hateful or what else?

I think I have a fear of men so when on this site, even the kind of site this is, I perceive myself to be surrounded by men. I consider myself a man. I see a beard - even on tv and want to run and hide. I hear a deep voice speaking and it becomes a distressing thing.

I don’t know where this comes from. Perhaps abuse as a child? I just don’t know. There is no chance there was a bad experience in my adult life. But this feeling has been getting stronger and stronger lately. Then there is also a feeling of distress when seeing pictures of sexy women. Maybe I want to be completely asexual. But there is no comfort there either.

People I’ve encountered in therapy have tried to be helpful yet I felt at least in a sense, violated by being in their presence.

It seems like this is a site that I need. Yet i find myself kind of freaking out because it feels like I’m being assaulted.

So I wonder, does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone have any idea why a person might have these feelings? Has anyone experienced anything similar. I’ve come here to find allies for my life, but I am afraid. I have not figured out how to deal with this. I doubt that running away will solve anything but I don’t know how facing it will help either.

First so everything is on the table, I am AMAB, I present as male, pronouns are he/him they/them, I am PanroAce and "a little Trans". Nothing I say you have to answer if you don't feel comfortable, I expect nothing in return. OK?

I agree with everyone that therapy is needed, but I believe that a female therapist is best. I say this solely by what you are saying. Males clearly scare you...and that's OK. You can say who you want to be around and who you don't. Also, there are therapists (a lot of them) that do online therapy (especially with COVID). So, if being near/around people is going to be tough, this is a good way. But, I urge you not to disconnect yourself from people.

If you have headphones or earbuds, maybe use those when in a store or walking. That way you don't hear people's voices and when you see faces (eg: beards) then you can focus on the music and not the person.

This part only you can answer: Is there a part of your childhood where there seems to be a blank in your memory? I note (from your profile) that you are 70. So, a minor blank here or there is OK, I'm meaning a BIG blank spot. Give you an example, from ages 8 to 14, I can't remember except for bits and pieces. There's a lot from 4 up until to 8 that is really foggy too but I can remember. THAT is what I mean.

The reason I ask, is the brain protects us from traumas in our pasts. Unfortunately, it does it in a way by basically wiping a part of our memory. That's why car crash victims can't remember seconds, minutes, or even hours before their accident. It's the brain protecting the person from the trauma. Same thing with all kinds of horrible things. That said....it doesn't mean anybody did anything to you. A person could experience intense verbal or emotional abuse trauma or narcassistic parental abuse trauma and have that "blank space". The death of a loved one can really mess with a kid's head.

Unfortunately, you won't know until you talk with someone. Now, I say this with all the caring in the world, as I have to my Mom and my Dad, who were born in your same decade ('59 and '57, respectively). Your generation SUCKED at encouraging mental health care. All the way into the 80s, you were basically told to "suck it up" and "stop crying" because "that's how my generation did it". It wasn't and isn't healthy!

So, later today (Sunday), I see you are in NYC (excellent place for mental health care), I want you to Google people there who work with not only de-sensitization (Kristoff is right there), but also childhood trauma (manifesting in later life), someone who is LGBTQIA+/trans friendly (it's NYC, shouldn't be hard to find), and female (also online preferable, in case you need it). Also make sure that person accepts your insurance, always important.

[Note: If you go the online route and you have a PC, webcams are cheap and I can get you the link for the one I have, it was $25 and has a built-in mic (got it from Amazon), had it two years, still works.]

Now, some notes everyone should know. If you don't "click" with your therapist after 5 appointments, find a new one. Doesn't have to be in a new office, it can be in that one. Once you find the right one, you aren't going to feel better in one appointment or two, or ten, or even twenty. It. Takes. Work. You want a therapist that is going to call you on your bullshit, know when it's time to do the REAL work, the painful work, what you are there to do. I got a good one and I love her. It's gonna hurt, you ARE going to cry, you're gonna laugh to, so don't worry. But you will bawl snot on someone's couch for 20 minutes of your 50, it ain't pretty. But God does it feel better once you do....then you work on the next thing.

My point is, tell them whatever it is you are holding in. Once you figure it out, let. it. go. Let it out and take that weight off your shoulders.

You gotta take the first step, but you got this.

-D

grapesoda19 (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 12:30 am First so everything is on the table, I am AMAB, I present as male, pronouns are he/him they/them, I am PanroAce and "a little Trans". Nothing I say you have to answer if you don't feel comfortable, I expect nothing in return. OK?

I agree with everyone that therapy is needed, but I believe that a female therapist is best. I say this solely by what you are saying. Males clearly scare you...and that's OK. You can say who you want to be around and who you don't. Also, there are therapists (a lot of them) that do online therapy (especially with COVID). So, if being near/around people is going to be tough, this is a good way. But, I urge you not to disconnect yourself from people.

If you have headphones or earbuds, maybe use those when in a store or walking. That way you don't hear people's voices and when you see faces (eg: beards) then you can focus on the music and not the person.

This part only you can answer: Is there a part of your childhood where there seems to be a blank in your memory? I note (from your profile) that you are 70. So, a minor blank here or there is OK, I'm meaning a BIG blank spot. Give you an example, from ages 8 to 14, I can't remember except for bits and pieces. There's a lot from 4 up until to 8 that is really foggy too but I can remember. THAT is what I mean.

The reason I ask, is the brain protects us from traumas in our pasts. Unfortunately, it does it in a way by basically wiping a part of our memory. That's why car crash victims can't remember seconds, minutes, or even hours before their accident. It's the brain protecting the person from the trauma. Same thing with all kinds of horrible things. That said....it doesn't mean anybody did anything to you. A person could experience intense verbal or emotional abuse trauma or narcassistic parental abuse trauma and have that "blank space". The death of a loved one can really mess with a kid's head.

Unfortunately, you won't know until you talk with someone. Now, I say this with all the caring in the world, as I have to my Mom and my Dad, who were born in your same decade ('59 and '57, respectively). Your generation SUCKED at encouraging mental health care. All the way into the 80s, you were basically told to "suck it up" and "stop crying" because "that's how my generation did it". It wasn't and isn't healthy!

So, later today (Sunday), I see you are in NYC (excellent place for mental health care), I want you to Google people there who work with not only de-sensitization (Kristoff is right there), but also childhood trauma (manifesting in later life), someone who is LGBTQIA+/trans friendly (it's NYC, shouldn't be hard to find), and female (also online preferable, in case you need it). Also make sure that person accepts your insurance, always important.

[Note: If you go the online route and you have a PC, webcams are cheap and I can get you the link for the one I have, it was $25 and has a built-in mic (got it from Amazon), had it two years, still works.]

Now, some notes everyone should know. If you don't "click" with your therapist after 5 appointments, find a new one. Doesn't have to be in a new office, it can be in that one. Once you find the right one, you aren't going to feel better in one appointment or two, or ten, or even twenty. It. Takes. Work. You want a therapist that is going to call you on your bullshit, know when it's time to do the REAL work, the painful work, what you are there to do. I got a good one and I love her. It's gonna hurt, you ARE going to cry, you're gonna laugh to, so don't worry. But you will bawl snot on someone's couch for 20 minutes of your 50, it ain't pretty. But God does it feel better once you do....then you work on the next thing.

My point is, tell them whatever it is you are holding in. Once you figure it out, let. it. go. Let it out and take that weight off your shoulders.

You gotta take the first step, but you got this.

-D

the irony is that I've been in therapy for years. but lately people are suggestng I an not seeing the right kind o therapist. I am now considering how to deal with this. and it may really be the first step. thanks for the advice. I'll be back with updates hopefully.

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Tue May 10, 2022 5:18 pm the irony is that I've been in therapy for years. but lately people are suggestng I an not seeing the right kind o therapist. I am now considering how to deal with this. and it may really be the first step. thanks for the advice. I'll be back with updates hopefully.

I saw a therapist for two years. Was a great person, nothing wrong with them, I just needed better advice. I let them know that it wasn't anything against them and I appreciated their time and input (and I did), I just needed a different perspective. What I didn't say was, it's kinda difficult and a little embarrassing to talk about nullification surgery with a male therapist. So, I went with a female therapist. My point is, you have to do what is right for you. YOU are the patient, not them. YOU make the decisions for YOUR care. Always advocate for YOU.

-D