The Dangers of Rural Life
Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2022 4:10 am
One dark and stormy night, in a country town, a boy-child was born.
And as that boy grew up, he would walk to school each day. And his journey took him past the local John Deere dealership. Those big powerful looking green machines had the boy spellbound right from the beginning.
He would go into the dealership and harangue the salesmen. The lad always wanted to know the ins and outs of the ducks bum when it came to every new model on the apron. Always there. Always asking questions.
Finally, when the boy hit his 16 and 9 months, he got his driving learners permit. (Guess where I am.) The dealers knew about this, and so when he was walking past, they offered him a drive of the latest of their small tractors. The lad was as pleased as punch, so they organised for the tractor to be out the back in the car park the next afternoon for him.
Next day, the lad was on tenterhooks all day. He nearly wet himself on the way home, knowing he was about to have his first drive of a real tractor.
When he got to the dealership, they took the boy out to the car park, explaining some of the details of the machine and how it would differ to operate from a regular motor car.
So, eventually, because it felt like forever, the lad climbs up, sits in the seat, and starts the motor. He selects high first, sets the hand throttle and goes to let out the clutch, but realises there's no door to open. (Just kidding)
As he lets off foot pressure, the pedal slips, and the clutch drops in with a bang. The tractor axle climbs ,and the inexperienced lad falls behind the machine just in time for the font of the tractor to come down on top of him.
(Axle climbing is when things happen so quickly the tractor turns around the axle instead of the wheels turning.)
The machine comes down hard on him and smashes both his legs. There'a all sorts of medical issues, and it takes the poor lad a year to eventually get to go home from hospital.
The first thing he does is pull all the tractor posters down, and gather up any farm equipment literature, sales brochures etc, and burn the lot.
Many years later, on his way home from work, the now grown boy pulls into the local watering hole, and goes in for a shandy. He notices a young lady in the corner, looking very teary and red eyed. He goes over to her and asks "Are you alright?"
"Oh yes" she said "but thanks for asking. It's just all this smoke in here, it stings my eyes."
"Is that all?" he said. And taking in one almighty deep breath, sucks in all the smoke in the room, and nearly took the curtains off the windows too. He goes outside and breathes out, and comes back to ask "Is that better?"
"Just marvellous!" She said. "But how'd you do it?"
"Oh" he says, "it's easy when you're an ex-tractor fan".
And as that boy grew up, he would walk to school each day. And his journey took him past the local John Deere dealership. Those big powerful looking green machines had the boy spellbound right from the beginning.
He would go into the dealership and harangue the salesmen. The lad always wanted to know the ins and outs of the ducks bum when it came to every new model on the apron. Always there. Always asking questions.
Finally, when the boy hit his 16 and 9 months, he got his driving learners permit. (Guess where I am.) The dealers knew about this, and so when he was walking past, they offered him a drive of the latest of their small tractors. The lad was as pleased as punch, so they organised for the tractor to be out the back in the car park the next afternoon for him.
Next day, the lad was on tenterhooks all day. He nearly wet himself on the way home, knowing he was about to have his first drive of a real tractor.
When he got to the dealership, they took the boy out to the car park, explaining some of the details of the machine and how it would differ to operate from a regular motor car.
So, eventually, because it felt like forever, the lad climbs up, sits in the seat, and starts the motor. He selects high first, sets the hand throttle and goes to let out the clutch, but realises there's no door to open. (Just kidding)
As he lets off foot pressure, the pedal slips, and the clutch drops in with a bang. The tractor axle climbs ,and the inexperienced lad falls behind the machine just in time for the font of the tractor to come down on top of him.
(Axle climbing is when things happen so quickly the tractor turns around the axle instead of the wheels turning.)
The machine comes down hard on him and smashes both his legs. There'a all sorts of medical issues, and it takes the poor lad a year to eventually get to go home from hospital.
The first thing he does is pull all the tractor posters down, and gather up any farm equipment literature, sales brochures etc, and burn the lot.
Many years later, on his way home from work, the now grown boy pulls into the local watering hole, and goes in for a shandy. He notices a young lady in the corner, looking very teary and red eyed. He goes over to her and asks "Are you alright?"
"Oh yes" she said "but thanks for asking. It's just all this smoke in here, it stings my eyes."
"Is that all?" he said. And taking in one almighty deep breath, sucks in all the smoke in the room, and nearly took the curtains off the windows too. He goes outside and breathes out, and comes back to ask "Is that better?"
"Just marvellous!" She said. "But how'd you do it?"
"Oh" he says, "it's easy when you're an ex-tractor fan".
