a psychiatrist recently told me I keep changing as if I'm not sure what I want. I see myself as what someone I know calls plural, but also a state that is somewhat like DID. there's me who is the physical male I was born as and have presented as for most of my life. then there is also a persecutorial alter who has been rather brutal in many ways (having me do things most would perceive as self harm also for most of my life) but I am beginning to think that the most important part of me - and the most imprisoned - is a woman who really wants all three of us to settle together in eunuch state yet still all three of us living together, with Sarah - as she wants to be known as - as the one we are all outwardly known as. the persecutorial alter and the male are important and need to remain, but Sarah is the right one to lead.

is it strange to be a eunuch but female in mind too? we are not yet castrated, and we most likely won't be using female hormones, but I see me as being a eunuch female. we're wondering if there are other people here who are similar.

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 26, 2021 9:19 am a psychiatrist recently told me I keep changing as if I'm not sure what I want. I see myself as what someone I know calls plural, but also a state that is somewhat like DID. there's me who is the physical male I was born as and have presented as for most of my life. then there is also a persecutorial alter who has been rather brutal in many ways (having me do things most would perceive as self harm also for most of my life) but I am beginning to think that the most important part of me - and the most imprisoned - is a woman who really wants all three of us to settle together in eunuch state yet still all three of us living together, with Sarah - as she wants to be known as - as the one we are all outwardly known as. the persecutorial alter and the male are important and need to remain, but Sarah is the right one to lead.

is it strange to be a eunuch but female in mind too? we are not yet castrated, and we most likely won't be using female hormones, but I see me as being a eunuch female. we're wondering if there are other people here who are similar.

Mister or madam, I'm sorry, I don't know how to contact you, I think you can confuse your psychologist. I wouldn't complicate things ... It would be much easier for him to communicate with only one person, and not with several at once . I apologize.

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 26, 2021 9:19 am a psychiatrist recently told me I keep changing as if I'm not sure what I want. I see myself as what someone I know calls plural, but also a state that is somewhat like DID. there's me who is the physical male I was born as and have presented as for most of my life. then there is also a persecutorial alter who has been rather brutal in many ways (having me do things most would perceive as self harm also for most of my life) but I am beginning to think that the most important part of me - and the most imprisoned - is a woman who really wants all three of us to settle together in eunuch state yet still all three of us living together, with Sarah - as she wants to be known as - as the one we are all outwardly known as. the persecutorial alter and the male are important and need to remain, but Sarah is the right one to lead.

is it strange to be a eunuch but female in mind too? we are not yet castrated, and we most likely won't be using female hormones, but I see me as being a eunuch female. we're wondering if there are other people here who are similar.

That sounds like a really complicated situation to be in.

My best wisdom would be to see if you feel the same way when you are both happy or sad, both tired or energised, both in the morning and at night, both in private and in public, etc.. Being methodical about checking-in like this can sometimes help towards settling into a comfortable resolution on difficult identity-work questions.

As for 'is it strange?', well, in the sense 'could you bump into someone going through the same on ever street corner?', then yes... but not in terms of the capacity of humanity generally. It is perfectly valid.

Wishing you clarity, peace and fulfilment.

thank you Valery _V, I'm not bothered, but I don't really like Sir or Madam either. maybe it's easiest to not call me anything. presently I'm not sure what I could suggest instead. I don't think I'm confusing my psychiatrist, but I will start paying closer attention. I guess it's possible I am. but I do need to make all of me known. each part is very important.

hi, thanks for your reply magusuk89. first, I gotta ask, did you notice there's a sentence or two I wrote that use the word "as" way too much.

but to answer your question, I think I'm feeling the same way all the time. I will give this some further attention!!! I do hope to meet other people - similar or different - to compare notes.

I apologize again.

I have always tried to avoid my inner discomfort.

Although I understand, of course, this is not always possible ...

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 26, 2021 10:53 am I do hope to meet other people - similar or different - to compare notes.

Your concern is all too common in my own mind. Mind you, I had to do something physical about my own conflicts within after living what "at present time" was half of my years on this planet as the male (birth designation by genitals). Not to say I ever believed I was female. But then again neither was I male really. Sure, I spent my youth pretending to be that sex I was designated at birth. All the while feeling I was not. But at the same time did not feel I was female either. This is a confusion that many go through for their entire lives. Some turn to homosexuality in an attempt to fit in with one culture or another. I never attempted that because didn't feel welcomed by that culture. It seems everybody has advice for issues that they have not actually lived through. Hence, the plethora of advice here in the forum. But it all comes down to "YOU" being comfortable with yourself. Search inside yourself to find your answers. Sure, ask what makes others at peace with themselves to help guide you along the way but in the end it matters not what others may say but only what actions or lack thereof you take which gives you the inner peace you're seeking. There are no wrong answers or choices. Only the ones that give you the inner peace you're seeking.

In my case it was complete surgical nullification which was only a stepping stone to where I am now. And later it took hormone therapy to relieve some effects of the nullification surgery, (another stepping stone) and to be sure the hormone therapy presented it's own side effects. But after enough years going through life (living as both male or female at one time or another) all finally resolved and I have inner peace. It just doesn't come overnight and there are no magic solutions. Be patient and find the best solutions for you and only you.

Begoneboy (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:24 pm Your concern is all too common in my own mind. Mind you, I had to do something physical about my own conflicts within after living what "at present time" was half of my years on this planet as the male (birth designation by genitals). Not to say I ever believed I was female. But then again neither was I male really. Sure, I spent my youth pretending to be that sex I was designated at birth. All the while feeling I was not. But at the same time did not feel I was female either. This is a confusion that many go through for their entire lives. Some turn to homosexuality in an attempt to fit in with one culture or another. I never attempted that because didn't feel welcomed by that culture. It seems everybody has advice for issues that they have not actually lived through. Hence, the plethora of advice here in the forum. But it all comes down to "YOU" being comfortable with yourself. Search inside yourself to find your answers. Sure, ask what makes others at peace with themselves to help guide you along the way but in the end it matters not what others may say but only what actions or lack thereof you take which gives you the inner peace you're seeking. There are no wrong answers or choices. Only the ones that give you the inner peace you're seeking.

In my case it was complete surgical nullification which was only a stepping stone to where I am now. And later it took hormone therapy to relieve some effects of the nullification surgery, (another stepping stone) and to be sure the hormone therapy presented it's own side effects. But after enough years going through life (living as both male or female at one time or another) all finally resolved and I have inner peace. It just doesn't come overnight and there are no magic solutions. Be patient and find the best solutions for you and only you.

magusuk89 (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 26, 2021 9:59 am That sounds like a really complicated situation to be in.

My best wisdom would be to see if you feel the same way when you are both happy or sad, both tired or energised, both in the morning and at night, both in private and in public, etc.. Being methodical about checking-in like this can sometimes help towards settling into a comfortable resolution on difficult identity-work questions.

As for 'is it strange?', well, in the sense 'could you bump into someone going through the same on ever street corner?', then yes... but not in terms of the capacity of humanity generally. It is perfectly valid.

Wishing you clarity, peace and fulfilment.

I see orchiectomy as the way to being closer to who I really am. I'm confident of that. yet I also know that femininity is always calling me and offering refuge and kindness and comfort. to me this is not a sexual thing. I feel that I am more accurately me as female yet I don't want to be a woman - at least not if being one tends to make other people categorize me as a woman or trans woman. therefore I may be more comfortable here on the planet as only a eunuch so becoming that is essential for me. then later if I still feel that feminine calling I will answer and move into a more female state.

I am concerned that the health and mental health care professionals I see appear to respond to me as if the complexities of my inclinations and desires invalidate my requests for their help in my transitioning. they seem to prefer that I be simple when I'm not.

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 27, 2021 12:46 am I see orchiectomy as the way to being closer to who I really am. I'm confident of that. yet I also know that femininity is always calling me and offering refuge and kindness and comfort. to me this is not a sexual thing. I feel that I am more accurately me as female yet I don't want to be a woman - at least not if being one tends to make other people categorize me as a woman or trans woman. therefore I may be more comfortable here on the planet as only a eunuch so becoming that is essential for me. then later if I still feel that feminine calling I will answer and move into a more female state.

I am concerned that the health and mental health care professionals I see appear to respond to me as if the complexities of my inclinations and desires invalidate my requests for their help in my transitioning. they seem to prefer that I be simple when I'm not.

They very possibly just want to know basic things, like what surgeries you may wish to have underwritten by them within the gatekeeping systems that sadly exist; or what pronouns etc.

Literally saying to them "what's it to you?" can sometimes yield useful answers.

You may want to take estrogen for health reasons even if it’s a small amount. You can adjust as things go and raise or lower your levels as time goes by. Feminization is slow unles you are really young so people will adjust to your changes without really noticing unless you don’t see them often. Even then, they may notice a difference but not understand what the differences are.