This is my first time posting here so posting in introduction. Not sure which thread this interest fits or if appropriate subject. My interest is the psychological effects of medical castration on young men.

One of my boyfriends was recently castrated for medical reasons and not now or the immediate future on hormone replacement therapy due to cancer.

He did not want to be castrated and did not want to become a eunuch. He was extremely active sexually with very high testosterone levels and he thought about and needed sex all the time before he was castrated. He never imagined that he would ever lose his balls. He misses his balls terribly, is so broken he is often brought to tears and thinks of suicide.

Reading about castration I find quite a bit of info on the physical effects, meds, and physical treatment as well as historical references. It seems the physical effects on the body are dealt with quite extensively with meds with both good and not so good results.

But the mental, emotional, psychological aspects of unwanted castration are dealt with much less so and often simply referred to as “depression”, which seems like a copout or euphemism for emasculation. So far I have found almost nothing about the psychological effects on relationships between women and their castrated boyfriends or husbands.

Eunuch Archive was recommended by a couple of eunuchs (they are much older, 2 & 3 times older) in the therapy group we attend. They said there are many eunuchs that frequent this website and there may be castrated boys about my boyfriend’s age (21) or were castrated when they were his age that could discuss how they adjusted to the trauma of becoming eunuchs and living with no balls.

I have read a few of the posts on this site and it looks like this is a very diverse group (various ages, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, transsexual; voluntary eunuchs, etc.). I am sure ones orientation and situation must surely affect ones reaction to castration and their relationships. For example, I am sure the difference in attitude between WANTING to be castrated and NOT WANTING to be castrated is enormous.

I have not found posts from eunuchs or women dating eunuchs that deal with the mental and emotional aspects of young, highly sexed, heterosexual eunuchs experiencing unwanted castration and the psychological effects. Perhaps I failed to look in right place, but that is my main interest in posting here, if that is appropriate subject, if not please forgive.

There are a lot of parts to this.

For the stigma management part, associating with guys who have gone through the same and have a positive outlook on it can be reassuring and empowering. It is about becoming embedded in a network of protective power. For daily stuff, getting prosthetic balls might help mask his situation in places where he feels over-observed about it (e.g. locker rooms).

It is worth being aware that the inner sense of bodily integrity is a different kettle of fish. If trans folk know from the age dot that not all is well in the state of Denmark, despite being around all the cisgender acculturation in the world, then sure, no amount of peer support is going to take away a genuine sense of loss.

For these reasons, it wouldn't be a bad idea for your boyfriend to hang out here and also on other support forums. In my experience this place is very positive and buoyant, so it may be that accessing specific cancer-related groups might help with the understanding about the 'not wanting' group. Your instincts seem to be quite sharp on this.

Anyway, I hear his pain through your words. If it helps, point him to the history of Narses, who was a Eunuch general who conquered Italy. Some of the darkest moods can be about thinking there is no reaching some state of glory... but seriously... *Italy*...

Don't forget there are other men in similar positions who do care. If he's hitting rock bottom there is solidarity here.

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 09, 2021 9:06 am This is my first time posting here so posting in introduction. Not sure which thread this interest fits or if appropriate subject. My interest is the psychological effects of medical castration on young men.

One of my boyfriends was recently castrated for medical reasons and not now or the immediate future on hormone replacement therapy due to cancer.

How recent is, "recently"?

It could be he has not gone through the decrease in testosterone in his system yet that normally occurs with the removal of a male's testicles. If his cancer was testicular cancer, I'd imagine at some point he could start on synthetic testosterone, usually injections, which likely would restore his sex life. Though I am 30 years older than your boyfriend, I did have experience being a eunuch for many years (10 or so) before further surgery to remove the rest of my external genital tissues (penis and scrotum).

I relate this because as a eunuch, sex did not change for me once I was on testosterone replacement. The only thing which changed with the removal of my testicles was being permanently sterile; I can never become a father, at least biologically. Everything else worked as it did when I had testicles. I could still have an erection, I could shoot fluid/ejaculate from my penis at orgasm, sex still felt good, etc. Basically I could do everything a man with testicles could do except cause pregnancy.

I would imagine the doctors would prescribe testosterone for your boyfriend at some point. Should that happen, he can have a fulfilling sex life. He may need counseling if he was wanting children at some point, but for all other aspects of sexuality, he should be good to go once on testosterone. He should speak with his doctors and care team about if this will ever be a possibility for him. Because if he was castrated because of testicular cancer, I can't see a reason why he would be off testosterone forever.

I had nullification surgery (all genitals were removed and smooth now) and even tho it was by choice, I had a hard time emotionally accepting that I was a eunuch. I very much wanted everything gone and I have no regrets but still, my mind had to fully accept that I became a eunuch. It had nothing to do with wanting kids or anything, it was just more the title. I'm doing much better now.

It is hard to have this happen, especially when it's not wanted, but time will help. Perhaps a few counseling sessions would be in order as well. I went about 1 year with no HRT and I could feel the changes but they weren't that bad overall. Takes some getting used to.

Continue to accept your BF and help him with whatever support he may need. He can and will get through this.

You’ve received some excellent advice from the previous replies to your post, so I will try to extend and go beyond them without duplicating what you’ve already read.

There’s a lot to unpack in your post. I’ll try to touch on some of the important pieces, as I see them. First of all, we don’t know WHY your boyfriend was castrated. What medical reason required it? By far the most common reason for castration is treatment for advanced prostate cancer, which mostly occurs in older men, although it occasionally occurs in men as young as their mid-30s.

U.S. Medicare pays for approximately 80,000 castrations per year! Most of them are by chemical castration, leaving the no longer functioning testicles as essentially decorative objects that will shrink down, over time, to the size of small grapes. An increasing number, though, are surgical castrations to avoid the serious side effects of the castration drugs. There are at least a half million prostate cancer eunuchs in North America.

This gives a very large sample for studies on the impact of castration, although the members of the Eunuch Archive who chose to be castrated are an important element as well. PCa eunuchs mostly do not want castration. EA eunuchs do. That difference allows for some valuable insights for research.

Depression is very common (almost universal) among PCa eunuchs, although much less so among EA eunuchs. Attitude toward the castration makes an important difference. Castration as a last chance to extend one’s life is very different from seeking/choosing castration for oneself. Whatever the reason, depression is a very serious problem and I hope that your boyfriend is seeking treatment for it.

Emotionality is also seen as a great problem by PCa eunuchs. Some report even crying at sad TV commercials. This is a response to lack of testosterone, but it also goes together with a great increase in empathy and nurturing. I always tell PCa eunuchs that they have become better grandfathers, more attune to others and more willing to help them. Better caregivers. There is a reason why eunuchs were sought after in ancient cultures as tutors and caregivers to small children. They were seen as much better suited for the task than even were women. With support from his friends (and from you), your boyfriend may come to see his greater emotionality as less negative (and possibly even as positive). I know some eunuchs who have even changed careers as a result; e.g., from mechanical engineer to middle school math teacher.

Sexual functioning may be the biggest issue for most PCa eunuchs. Boys as young as toddlers discover that playing with their penis gives them great pleasure. This increases dramatically with puberty, when for most boys their penis becomes their favorite toy. All of their sexual pleasure seems to center on that one place for most of them. They seldom explore the many other erogenous zones on their bodies which can also give great pleasure. Like tickling, many erogenous zones cannot be self-stimulated. It requires a PARTNER to explore the many pleasures that are possible.

Your boyfriend needs a partner with whom to mutually explore each other’s bodies, seeking ways to provide maximum pleasure to both.

An excellent book designed especially for PCa eunuchs, but useful for all eunuchs and their partners (with good information both on sexuality and general health) is

Androgen Deprivation Therapy, by Richard Wassersug, Lauren Walker, & John Robinson. (2018). Demos Health.

It’s available on Amazon for $17 in paperback or $8.50 on Kindle. You should also be able to find it at your local bookstore.

magusuk89 (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 09, 2021 12:39 pm There are a lot of parts to this.

For the stigma management part, associating with guys who have gone through the same and have a positive outlook on it can be reassuring and empowering. It is about becoming embedded in a network of protective power. For daily stuff, getting prosthetic balls might help mask his situation in places where he feels over-observed about it (e.g. locker rooms).

It is worth being aware that the inner sense of bodily integrity is a different kettle of fish. If trans folk know from the age dot that not all is well in the state of Denmark, despite being around all the cisgender acculturation in the world, then sure, no amount of peer support is going to take away a genuine sense of loss.

For these reasons, it wouldn't be a bad idea for your boyfriend to hang out here and also on other support forums. In my experience this place is very positive and buoyant, so it may be that accessing specific cancer-related groups might help with the understanding about the 'not wanting' group. Your instincts seem to be quite sharp on this.

Anyway, I hear his pain through your words. If it helps, point him to the history of Narses, who was a Eunuch general who conquered Italy. Some of the darkest moods can be about thinking there is no reaching some state of glory... but seriously... *Italy*...

Don't forget there are other men in similar positions who do care. If he's hitting rock bottom there is solidarity here.

Thank you so much for your reply, understanding, and suggestions.

Yes, it does seem like this is a very positive place.

He does not seem to be ready to accept the fact that he is now a eunuch. He is still depressed, broken, and in denial. It may be a while before he is ready to hang out with other eunuchs or consider prosthetic balls. But that sounds like a good recommendation and I will suggest it to him.

Have yet to locate other support forums.

It is interesting that you mentioned the history of Narses. One of my house-mates is a history professor at the local university and she has been giving me and our other house-mates short course on the history of eunuchs in ancient cultures. We find the history of eunuchs extremely interesting, especially as it relates to the history of women’s relationship with eunuchs, such as in ancient Rome, the Ottoman Empire harems, Semiramis Queen of Babylon, Italian castrati of the bel canto period, etc., etc.

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 2:29 pm Thank you so much for your reply, understanding, and suggestions.

Yes, it does seem like this is a very positive place.

He does not seem to be ready to accept the fact that he is now a eunuch. He is still depressed, broken, and in denial. It may be a while before he is ready to hang out with other eunuchs or consider prosthetic balls. But that sounds like a good recommendation and I will suggest it to him.

Have yet to locate other support forums.

It is interesting that you mentioned the history of Narses. One of my house-mates is a history professor at the local university and she has been giving me and our other house-mates short course on the history of eunuchs in ancient cultures. We find the history of eunuchs extremely interesting, especially as it relates to the history of women’s relationship with eunuchs, such as in ancient Rome, the Ottoman Empire harems, Semiramis Queen of Babylon, Italian castrati of the bel canto period, etc., etc.

Thank you for your reply.

I reached for Narses because military masculinity is a hegemonic (widely socially validated) masculinity. This isn't to detract from Jesus' positive comments about PCa eunuchs above, but I think when we can reframe our cultural narratives to privilege affirmations from the past that options are less limited than the imagination might fear, we can take the sting out of such a big and unanticipated change.

Another historic figure who challenged preconceptions we might still encounter today was Peter Abelard. He was a French scholastic theologian who was coy about having a wife (Eloise) because theologians at that time were more usually celibate priests. This coyness sadly meant his wife's guardian mistook his behaviour (he was a writer of love letters and it was often a long distance relationship as he travelled to debates) for neglectful jilting. The guardian had servants forcibly detesticulate Abelard. Abelard's reaction to this, however, was to forge an assertive masculinity based on daring and excellence in theology, and his love for Eloise became part of the matter of chivalry.

Identity-work takes energy, grief, creativity, experimentation and self-acceptance (in the sense of forgiving oneself for missteps). It takes time, and isn't easy... but inspirational characters can help make it all seem less impossible.

Considering this, another piece of gentle advice would be to be sensitive in your conversations around the broader historic and contemporary story of eunuchry until you are sure your boyfriend has the resilience to (re)hear the episodes under discussion. A lot of our stories from the past are entwined with other stigmatised and traumatic aspects such as slavery, ecclesiastical oblation, medical institutionalisation, patriarchal control of women, and so forth. There is also still work to be done today around destigmatisation. Whilst it is good and right to honour the truths of spiritual ancestors and copatients... but safety first.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 09, 2021 5:54 pm How recent is, "recently"?

It could be he has not gone through the decrease in testosterone in his system yet that normally occurs with the removal of a male's testicles. If his cancer was testicular cancer, I'd imagine at some point he could start on synthetic testosterone, usually injections, which likely would restore his sex life. Though I am 30 years older than your boyfriend, I did have experience being a eunuch for many years (10 or so) before further surgery to remove the rest of my external genital tissues (penis and scrotum).

I relate this because as a eunuch, sex did not change for me once I was on testosterone replacement. The only thing which changed with the removal of my testicles was being permanently sterile; I can never become a father, at least biologically. Everything else worked as it did when I had testicles. I could still have an erection, I could shoot fluid/ejaculate from my penis at orgasm, sex still felt good, etc. Basically I could do everything a man with testicles could do except cause pregnancy.

I would imagine the doctors would prescribe testosterone for your boyfriend at some point. Should that happen, he can have a fulfilling sex life. He may need counseling if he was wanting children at some point, but for all other aspects of sexuality, he should be good to go once on testosterone. He should speak with his doctors and care team about if this will ever be a possibility for him. Because if he was castrated because of testicular cancer, I can't see a reas

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 2:29 pm on why he would be off testosterone forever.

Thank you so m

uch for your reply, understanding, and suggestions.

Yes he had testicular cancer. This all happened after COVID started.

I am so glad to hear that when on synthetic testosterone you had full sexual functionality, including erections, shooting fluid from your penis at orgasms, and sex feeling good. He is encouraged to know that and perhaps that will give him something to live for. Initial tests the doctors gave show he may not be able to tolerate some HRTs, but there are other tests to be run, so yet to be determined.

We wonder how long you retained those sexual functions on synthetic testosterone. Years? Did your sexual functions decline over time?

Did you have spontaneous erections when on synthetic testosterone? My BF used to have those all the time when he was with me, it was a good sign of ‘interest’, but now less and less, the docs say they may disappear entirely.

But apparently there are many meds other than testosterone like Viagra, Sildenfil, Cialis, Tadalafil, Stendra, etc. that are used for ED that do not contain hormones. Did you ever try any of those? We wonder how well those work for surgical castrates, if they enable full sexual functionality.

The doctors did say testosterone is required to maintain a healthy prostate and without HRT his prostate would atrophy over time and he would eventually be unable to shoot fluid from his penis during orgasms but that would not necessarily prevent dry orgasms.

Did you ever experience dry orgasms? I wonder if anyone on this EA has experienced dry orgasms. He wonders what dry orgasms would be like, if it would reduce the intensity of orgasms. He used to shoot very large quantities of cume and said he could feel intense sensations in his cock head as each wad of cume shot out his penis head so he is afraid a dry orgasm would be less intense. I do wonder and hope that is not the case but I would not miss all of that cume, but he associates shooting cume as a major part of sex and another loss.

It seems that discussing the sexual details is the only thing that can get his mind off his depression. I hope these explicit details are not offensive here and appropriate to share and explore the effects of castration.

Yes, inability to father children is another issue for him. Not only does that depress him but it leads to another major depressing issue, his other GFs have moved on because he is now a sterile eunuch causing a serious feeling of rejection, but his sterility or that he is a eunuch does not bother me, but that is little comfort for him.

I accompany him to group therapy sessions with shrinks, because he is reluctant to go.

All the men in the group are surgical castrates due to prostate cancer and much older (2 or 3 times older). There are no young men his age so there are different issues, they are not concerned with having children, some were impotent before castration, and most are not missing sex. Even more frightening for BF is that most are adjusting to becoming eunuchs and enjoying what they call ‘eunuch calm’, and some are becoming submissive to their wives. He sees this as his future. I find talking privately with some of the wives to be most enlightening but am trying to find other groups that have young castrates with similar issues.

So yes

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 2:29 pm , he is getting counseling, but

could be more helpful.

Thank you so much for your reply.

keyman419 (imported) wrote: Wed Nov 10, 2021 8:20 am I had nullification surgery (all genitals were removed and smooth now) and even tho it was by choice, I had a hard time emotionally accepting that I was a eunuch. I very much wanted everything gone and I have no regrets but still, my mind had to fully accept that I became a eunuch. It had nothing to do with wanting kids or anything, it was just more the title. I'm doing much better now.

It is hard to have this happen, especially when it's not wanted, but time will help. Perhaps a few counseling sessions would be in order as well. I went about 1 year with no HRT and I could feel the changes but they weren't that bad overall. Takes some getting used to.

Continue to accept your BF and help him with whatever support he may need. He can and will get through this.

Yes, it seems the title ‘eunuch’ is very serious and shocking. I know it is used many times in a derogatory way.

I go with him to shrink group therapy counseling sessions for eunuchs because he is reluctant to go, he finds it depressing.

The shrinks suggest it is critical for eunuchs to move forward in a new life rather than dwell on the past, suffer from the pain of loss, and be consumed by regret. Eunuchs must accept their condition as it is now; the balls are not growing back. They say eunuchs must try to enjoy life as it is now with no balls. They say accept their condition in a positive light and accept the title of eunuch, at least within their support group.

Perhaps it is easier for the older eunuchs than for my young eunuch, but it does seem like accepting the title eunuch, at least in a loving support group, is a key to accepting the unwanted condition and moving forward to enjoy life again, but as a new person, a eunuch.

I do wonder how other eunuchs feel about the title, at least in an accepting support group.

I know, after meeting several times with eunuchs and their wives I am beginning to appreciate the calm, gentle nature of the eunuchs I have met so far. Most are very quiet with little to say except when queried but their wives all report improvements in their relationships.

I have begun to like the word eunuch because of the ones I have gotten to know.

I do wonder if my calling him eunuch in a loving way will help show I accept and like him as he is and help him feel good or at least better about himself. That one word is so powerful and meaningful, can it be turned from a bad word to a good word simply by the context of a loving environment instead of a derogatory environment, many words are that way, determined by the context, the attitude, the manner in which they are uttered, the tone of voice, the facial expressions.

It is good to hear that your changes were not so bad when you went for about 1 year with no HRT. It looks like it may be about that long for my BF.

Thanks so much for your reply.

[quote="Stella

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:00 pm Stone (imported)" time=1636601340]
Thank you so much for your reply, understanding, and suggestions.

Yes he had testicular cancer. This all happened after COVID started.

I am so glad to hear that when on synthetic testosterone you had full sexual functionality, including erections, shooting fluid from your penis at orgasms, and sex feeling good. He is encouraged to know that and perhaps that will give him something to live for. Initial tests the doctors gave show he may not be able to tolerate some HRTs, but there are other tests to be run, so yet to be determined.

We wonder how long you retained those sexual functions on synthetic testosterone. Years? Did your sexual functions decline over time?

Did you have spontaneous erections when on synthetic testosterone? My BF used to have those all the time when he was with me, it was a good sign of ‘interest’, but now less and less, the docs say they may disappear entirely.

But apparently there are many meds other than testosterone like Viagra, Sildenfil, Cialis, Tadalafil, Stendra, etc. that are used for ED that do not contain hormones. Did you ever try any of those? We wonder how well those work for surgical castrates, if they enable full sexual functionality.

The doctors did say testosterone is required to maintain a healthy prostate and without HRT his prostate would atrophy over time and he would eventually be unable to shoot fluid from his penis during orgasms but that would not necessarily prevent dry orgasms.

Did you ever experience dry orgasms? I wonder if anyone on this EA has experienced dry orgasms. He wonders what dry orgasms would be like, if it would reduce the intensity of orgasms. He used to shoot very large quantities of cume and said he could feel intense sensations in his cock head as each wad of cume shot out his penis head so he is afraid a dry orgasm would be less intense. I do wonder and hope that is not the case but I would not miss all of that cume, but he associates shooting cume as a major part of sex and another loss.

It seems that discussing the sexual details is the only thing that can get his mind off his depression. I hope these explicit details are not offensive here and appropriate to share and explore the effects of castration.

Yes, inability to father children is another issue for him. Not only does that depress him but it leads to another major depressing issue, his other GFs have moved on because he is now a sterile eunuch causing a serious feeling of rejection, but his sterility or that he is a eunuch does not bother me, but that is little comfort for him.

I accompany him to group therapy sessions with shrinks, because he is reluctant to go.

All the men in the group are surgical castrates due to prostate cancer and much older (2 or 3 times older). There are no young men his age so there are different issues, they are not concerned with having children, some were impotent before castration, and most are not missing sex. Even more frightening for BF is that most are adjusting to becoming eunuchs and enjoying what they call ‘eunuch calm’, and some are becoming submissive to their wives. He sees this as his future. I find talking privately with some of the wives to be most enlightening but am trying to find other gr
[/quote]
oups that have young castrates

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:00 pm with similar issues.

So yes, he is getting counseling, bu

t could be more helpful.

StellaStone (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 2:29 pm Thank you so much for your reply.

Suggest looking for group(s) that are focused more on testicular cancer survivors. There would likely be a much better connection, more experience with continuing a sex-life, dealing with spouses /girlfriends / boyfriends. The urologist should be able to refer you. If you have locally a sexual health clinic, they should be better able to help you. Don't know where you are, but in Minnesota there is the Center for Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota -- they may even have some referrals.