General update about stuff
Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2021 9:57 am
I've been okay. I suppose that chemical castration or MtF hrt has liberated me from the ties that have me bound. It is a relief to not be chastised for my decisions, but alas things aren't perfect. I can count on a single hand how many occurancies happened in the last 6 months, and its a relief that I don't have to feel like a clown at the hammer everyday.
Though I do think that is more attributed to having an eating disorder if which I have overcome, and while my anxiety ain't as quaint as it once was; I can go outside without fear that somebody is going to throw strange looks.
I have been making dietary changes, recently gone as far as becoming a vegetarian with the end goal of veganism. The final nail in the coffin was implementing dutasteride into my hormone regimen, its completely destroyed my drive for lustrousness depravity; no longer feel the need to be "intimate" with men.
I do wish that the NHS would hurry on with the referral process to Tavistock, and its an annoyance that despite being referred in October, on file I am not as much as down on the waiting list though the letter was sent off. I contacted local government that has the equivalence of an MP since my country is self-governing and not part of the UNited Kingdom, and an investigation is going on to find out what on earth is happening. They plan on backdating things with Tavistock, so when I am on a waiting list; they will knock off a year accounting for my time they wasted.
My lifestyle is almost sedentary because of stresses of a wonky healthcare system and not being able to do much. I've tried as much getting doctors on board with getting me a bridging prescription, however after some back and forth I've came out empty. If I had lived in the United Kingdom I'd might the requirements for bridging endocrine treatment, but because of Manx Care and how bridging prescription's are not on the gender dysphoria protocol and are not Nice TA approved; self-medication is still ongoing and I worry that its not going to be a thing forvever since customs and excise are being aggressive and have already confiscated some of my medicine despite it being within a 90 day supply limit and not a controlled substance or class C drugs.
I have been lurking on the forum for a while and somebody mentioned Dr Anguilar(?), and because of my "unique" pretty things, surgery is cheaper for me as I only require an unilateral simple orchiectomy and I was quoted $1,500 USD for the entire procedure which is nice. But what is wracking my head is how the heck I'm gonna make that amount.
I have been spending a lot of time at tea cafés, I'm in absolute love with doing this on a weekly occurrence. I love drinking earl grey tea, or sometimes the bitter taste Jasmine dragon pearl, hibiscus iced tea. Has anyone heard of Posh Pop? The hilarity of soda in a glass bottle is something that tickles me, and its rather complementary when you have a plate of steaming veggies and lentil soup. Never had beatroot before, or at least I don't recall; but something that has my stumped is if it is sweat or savory? Its a weird in between and honestly I cannot decide between which. If anyone gets the chance, I'd highly recommend strawberry and rhubarb soda, far better than cola in my opinion.
I have been laying off the "drink", there was an instance where I was feeling not too of healthy mind and acted out on impulsion, I wanted to drink to wash out my mind and I did just that. I bounced around a couple bars drinking spiced rum and cola which ends up being close to liquorice in flavour and then I made the mistake of having a bottle of tia maria and ended up on a saline drip at the local hospital as I had a little more than I could bite off. Wasn't the wisest thing I have ever done, but alas being absent minded was a virtue even if it were for a few hours.
I'm wanting to finish up, scratching my head about how I can save money for surgery; as I would like to move onto other things like laser hair removal and ffs being the end goal. Being a gender-dysphoric homosexual male is a curse when you're "not very well off". I have fears that I cannot get to where I'd like to be. Fighting against a biological clock, it feels like a century ago since I was 21; now I'm 23. I worry that because of things being stalled, I won't be able to get engaged before its too late. Not to sound vain, but it feels like because I won't reach a certain beauty standard because of how I am situated, I will end up being all washed up. Its because women aren't verilized like I was, l because of an unwanted puberty. And I cannot compete on a basal level with natal women. I feel wonky.
One thing that I find amusing is how because of hormones and antiandrogens, is how I have less muscle definition and mass than a friend who is a transsexual male. Its kinda terrifying really, I sort of feel intimidated. Lol.
Oh, last of all; I have found out that zoladex implants can be had for relatively cheaply online, however I have no idea how I would do it myself. I've seen videos online, but the girth of needle for the implant is very terrifying and I am quite squeamish as it is with needles and a zoladex implanter device tops the cake. I will probably start doing medroxyprogesterone since it was probably cyproterone acetate that caused me to be that of a cow for the lack of better words. And if I continue getting the cold shoulder from Manx Care, then I am taking a aggressive approach.
I do eventually plan on getting a few new bits of gear and eventually plan on getting into hiking and camping out. And maybe get a small netbook and old dlsr camera and start getting into photography. Overall, I feel okay. But I could be doing a lot better.
Though I do think that is more attributed to having an eating disorder if which I have overcome, and while my anxiety ain't as quaint as it once was; I can go outside without fear that somebody is going to throw strange looks.
I have been making dietary changes, recently gone as far as becoming a vegetarian with the end goal of veganism. The final nail in the coffin was implementing dutasteride into my hormone regimen, its completely destroyed my drive for lustrousness depravity; no longer feel the need to be "intimate" with men.
I do wish that the NHS would hurry on with the referral process to Tavistock, and its an annoyance that despite being referred in October, on file I am not as much as down on the waiting list though the letter was sent off. I contacted local government that has the equivalence of an MP since my country is self-governing and not part of the UNited Kingdom, and an investigation is going on to find out what on earth is happening. They plan on backdating things with Tavistock, so when I am on a waiting list; they will knock off a year accounting for my time they wasted.
My lifestyle is almost sedentary because of stresses of a wonky healthcare system and not being able to do much. I've tried as much getting doctors on board with getting me a bridging prescription, however after some back and forth I've came out empty. If I had lived in the United Kingdom I'd might the requirements for bridging endocrine treatment, but because of Manx Care and how bridging prescription's are not on the gender dysphoria protocol and are not Nice TA approved; self-medication is still ongoing and I worry that its not going to be a thing forvever since customs and excise are being aggressive and have already confiscated some of my medicine despite it being within a 90 day supply limit and not a controlled substance or class C drugs.
I have been lurking on the forum for a while and somebody mentioned Dr Anguilar(?), and because of my "unique" pretty things, surgery is cheaper for me as I only require an unilateral simple orchiectomy and I was quoted $1,500 USD for the entire procedure which is nice. But what is wracking my head is how the heck I'm gonna make that amount.
I have been spending a lot of time at tea cafés, I'm in absolute love with doing this on a weekly occurrence. I love drinking earl grey tea, or sometimes the bitter taste Jasmine dragon pearl, hibiscus iced tea. Has anyone heard of Posh Pop? The hilarity of soda in a glass bottle is something that tickles me, and its rather complementary when you have a plate of steaming veggies and lentil soup. Never had beatroot before, or at least I don't recall; but something that has my stumped is if it is sweat or savory? Its a weird in between and honestly I cannot decide between which. If anyone gets the chance, I'd highly recommend strawberry and rhubarb soda, far better than cola in my opinion.
I have been laying off the "drink", there was an instance where I was feeling not too of healthy mind and acted out on impulsion, I wanted to drink to wash out my mind and I did just that. I bounced around a couple bars drinking spiced rum and cola which ends up being close to liquorice in flavour and then I made the mistake of having a bottle of tia maria and ended up on a saline drip at the local hospital as I had a little more than I could bite off. Wasn't the wisest thing I have ever done, but alas being absent minded was a virtue even if it were for a few hours.
I'm wanting to finish up, scratching my head about how I can save money for surgery; as I would like to move onto other things like laser hair removal and ffs being the end goal. Being a gender-dysphoric homosexual male is a curse when you're "not very well off". I have fears that I cannot get to where I'd like to be. Fighting against a biological clock, it feels like a century ago since I was 21; now I'm 23. I worry that because of things being stalled, I won't be able to get engaged before its too late. Not to sound vain, but it feels like because I won't reach a certain beauty standard because of how I am situated, I will end up being all washed up. Its because women aren't verilized like I was, l because of an unwanted puberty. And I cannot compete on a basal level with natal women. I feel wonky.
One thing that I find amusing is how because of hormones and antiandrogens, is how I have less muscle definition and mass than a friend who is a transsexual male. Its kinda terrifying really, I sort of feel intimidated. Lol.
Oh, last of all; I have found out that zoladex implants can be had for relatively cheaply online, however I have no idea how I would do it myself. I've seen videos online, but the girth of needle for the implant is very terrifying and I am quite squeamish as it is with needles and a zoladex implanter device tops the cake. I will probably start doing medroxyprogesterone since it was probably cyproterone acetate that caused me to be that of a cow for the lack of better words. And if I continue getting the cold shoulder from Manx Care, then I am taking a aggressive approach.
I do eventually plan on getting a few new bits of gear and eventually plan on getting into hiking and camping out. And maybe get a small netbook and old dlsr camera and start getting into photography. Overall, I feel okay. But I could be doing a lot better.