Hi,

I am DA, and some more than 50 ys old from the South of Germany. It is quite difficult for me to start writing here. But I like to share my path so far in the hope to rule out where my way could go.

Due to my age I think I need to write some more than one post. I hope that I do not bore you.

My first contacts to castration was with some 13ys getting aware with cattle and dogs what castration is. I run into a kind of castration fantasy whenever performing masturbation. It also included banding with strings.

One of my problems since this early times is that I have some kind of man boobs and I am still ashamed by them and try to hide respectively making unvisible by cold water etc.

I had huge problems to approach girls; on the other hand my pressure to do so was not high. I also never had relations with other boys or men so far I remember.

With about 16 I've pushed needles into both sides of the sack (not the balls itself). After some weeks I got problems with the needles in and talked to my parents which of course was very embarrising. My father brought me to the hospital and there they got the needles out. I needed to stay one week in the hospital. There was however no couseling afterwards or whatever.

With this experience I was more careful afterwards, and tried to get rid of the castration phantasy by doing sports and other things. I was however only partely successful.

More to follow...

I can speak only about myself as I am not a physician...

I had no special imaginations, but at the age of 14-16 years I of course paid attention to the body. I lived in the city with parents, studied at school and always was, so to speak, under observation. Was on friendly terms with girls, some came to us on a visit. In the summer it happened to be with all the guys and girls on country trips. Among themselves nothing sexual was undertaken. Regularly played sports. I almost knew nothing about masturbation.

It seems to me that if at that time I would have a successful heterosexual experience at which I would feel pleasure, then a little later I would not want to become the full eunuch. Especially I was always afraid of pain, and the sight of blood could faint ...

Valery_V (imported) wrote: Sun Sep 12, 2021 7:15 pm Especially I was always afraid of pain, and the sight of blood could faint ... :

this I also know including a kind of fear of needles e.g. for vaccination.

By the way sorry that I am rarely here and that I am slow with answering as well as that I continue to write.

Castration phantasy always got more when I was under pressure and did not do enough sports, mainly bicycling, e.g. during time of highschool exams.

After highschool there was the compulsory army time. I tried to be unremarkable as during school time. E.g. my body shame I tried to get around by waking up early and having shower before all other guys. I was in a part of the army with quite high physical requirement, so that I lost weight, and the phantasy was mainly weak. Nevertheless the time was quite terrible for me, since I am bad in running, jumping and climbing over obstacles, and walking with heavy equipment for the whole day.

After army I started to study and the phantasy got stronger again. At that time I got aware of this forum. I came onto the idea to look for a transsexual support group. I found one and introduced my self there but they somehow could not deal with the castration without the wish to get a woman. I was rejected and my perception of them was that they are not very open. I return I took more effort again in coming around the phantasy by filling my life with other things like sports.

I found a hobby a little similar to racing cars but a little more environment friendly and spent there practically all weekends. Nevertheless there was a kind of missing thing and I started some efforts with more possibility to find a girl friend, e.g. by visiting a group of people in my age with also some women participating. And indeed I sometimes met one of those, but at a certain time it was over without sexual experience.

A little later already aged about 30 I've found the courage to apprach a woman in public space. We indeed met up several times and after some three years we married. So far for today...

Bitte fahren Sie mit Ihrem Beitrag fort, da Sie ungefähr in meinem Alter sind und Ihre Geschichte sehr bekannt ist. Ich würde gerne Ihre Reise bis heute hören, damit ich besser verstehen kann, wo Sie sich jetzt befinden.

Please continue with your post, as you are about my age, and your story is very familiar. I'd like to hear your journey to through to today so I can better understand where you are now.