Depression
Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2021 9:22 am
Depression is something that has occasionally been a problem for me throughout life (since the adolescent years anyway). However, these last few years have seen it become more frequent, especially in terms of suicidal thoughts.
Whether I qualify for an official diagnosis of depression, I dont know. Whatever it is, it is something that comes and goes rather than being constant. I have many good days where I seem to be completely depression free. I have other days that are more neutral. On my worst days (depression days as Ive come to call them), I can feel very depressed and think of suicide often.
I am aware that the pharmaceutical industry likes to portray depression as having an obvious and single cause - a chemical imbalance. However, Im more inclined to think that the causes of depression are multifaceted. To be sure, neurochemicals almost certainly play a role, but whether that role is as simple and random (in terms of how it happens and who experiences it) as the pharmaceutical industry portrays it is certainly up for debate. I would wonder if perhaps there are other factors that can contribute to adverse neurochemical functioning rather than neurochemical problems being a sole, random cause of depression.
Of course, like with many things, it seems very unlikely that all cases of depression have the same cause and that perhaps treating each individual case on its own is the best course of action.
In my case, I can think of at least a few different things that could be contributing:
1. My struggles over the years to figure out what works best for me as far as HRT is concerned. Overall, I tend to do better emotionally when my hormone levels are lower but not nonexistent. Too high or too low causes emotional problems. However, another problem is that what is good for me emotionally is not good for me physically. The physical side effects of lack of hormones tend to creep in if my hormone levels are not high enough.
2. My autism almost certainly plays a significant role. Folks on the spectrum frequently also experience depression. Most of us are well aware of our differences, and that knowledge can certainly contribute to feelings of depression.
3. My lack of social interaction, which is also related to the autism. I very rarely do things with others socially. When I do, I am usually depression free.
4. Feelings of being stuck in the grind. Depression was almost nonexistent during my recent vacation but returned afterwards. Any sort of change in environment tends to eliminate depression, at least temporarily.
5. My spiritual/existential issues (especially the frequent battle between my emotional and logical sides). Its much more difficult to determine a direction of causality with this one (if any), but there is definitely a significant correlation for me between my depression days and believing that maybe life really is a one-time big old accident after all. In contrast, on my best depression-free days, I never doubt that life is a fundamental feature of reality and happens more than once.
My psychiatric practitioner has never diagnosed me with depression (though others have in the past). He calls my depression situational and an existential crisis. However, he has encouraged me to try antidepressants (though perhaps more for anxiety). He knows how I feel about that, and he has told me that he has never seen anyone as resistant to medication as I am. In fact, he says that its the other way around with most folks. They want to take even more medication, and he has to encourage them to tone it down.
I think the reasons for my resistance are also multifaceted and probably too much to get into here. The important takeaway is that medication as a treatment option is off the table for me.
Keep in mind that my depression is neither constant nor severe enough to keep me from functioning. I still live my life as normal, even on the depression days.
Given that Im not inclined to take medication, my question is what other things might be helpful for dealing with depression and trying to prevent those bad days as much as possible?
Whether I qualify for an official diagnosis of depression, I dont know. Whatever it is, it is something that comes and goes rather than being constant. I have many good days where I seem to be completely depression free. I have other days that are more neutral. On my worst days (depression days as Ive come to call them), I can feel very depressed and think of suicide often.
I am aware that the pharmaceutical industry likes to portray depression as having an obvious and single cause - a chemical imbalance. However, Im more inclined to think that the causes of depression are multifaceted. To be sure, neurochemicals almost certainly play a role, but whether that role is as simple and random (in terms of how it happens and who experiences it) as the pharmaceutical industry portrays it is certainly up for debate. I would wonder if perhaps there are other factors that can contribute to adverse neurochemical functioning rather than neurochemical problems being a sole, random cause of depression.
Of course, like with many things, it seems very unlikely that all cases of depression have the same cause and that perhaps treating each individual case on its own is the best course of action.
In my case, I can think of at least a few different things that could be contributing:
1. My struggles over the years to figure out what works best for me as far as HRT is concerned. Overall, I tend to do better emotionally when my hormone levels are lower but not nonexistent. Too high or too low causes emotional problems. However, another problem is that what is good for me emotionally is not good for me physically. The physical side effects of lack of hormones tend to creep in if my hormone levels are not high enough.
2. My autism almost certainly plays a significant role. Folks on the spectrum frequently also experience depression. Most of us are well aware of our differences, and that knowledge can certainly contribute to feelings of depression.
3. My lack of social interaction, which is also related to the autism. I very rarely do things with others socially. When I do, I am usually depression free.
4. Feelings of being stuck in the grind. Depression was almost nonexistent during my recent vacation but returned afterwards. Any sort of change in environment tends to eliminate depression, at least temporarily.
5. My spiritual/existential issues (especially the frequent battle between my emotional and logical sides). Its much more difficult to determine a direction of causality with this one (if any), but there is definitely a significant correlation for me between my depression days and believing that maybe life really is a one-time big old accident after all. In contrast, on my best depression-free days, I never doubt that life is a fundamental feature of reality and happens more than once.
My psychiatric practitioner has never diagnosed me with depression (though others have in the past). He calls my depression situational and an existential crisis. However, he has encouraged me to try antidepressants (though perhaps more for anxiety). He knows how I feel about that, and he has told me that he has never seen anyone as resistant to medication as I am. In fact, he says that its the other way around with most folks. They want to take even more medication, and he has to encourage them to tone it down.
I think the reasons for my resistance are also multifaceted and probably too much to get into here. The important takeaway is that medication as a treatment option is off the table for me.
Keep in mind that my depression is neither constant nor severe enough to keep me from functioning. I still live my life as normal, even on the depression days.
Given that Im not inclined to take medication, my question is what other things might be helpful for dealing with depression and trying to prevent those bad days as much as possible?
