Therapy

[NovaMike (imported)]

It has taken me a long time to move forward with anything related to becoming a Eunuch. Last year, I explored Plume but was told I don't qualify since they deal with transgender and not men seeking castration. I had searched around for licensed Psychologists and contacted a few last year. Only two responded, one said they were not currently accepting new patients and the other said to give him a call to discuss setting up an appointment. It took me months to finally contact him. He said that there is a good surgeon in our area who does non-binary Eunuch-affirming surgeries.

I don't remember how much I have shared, but I am approaching 50 in a few years and have felt like I was controlled by hormones since I was a teen.

I don't know exactly how I felt about wet dreams or masturbation as a teen. I know that the surge of semen through my dick was initially uncomfortable and I felt embarrassed about staining my underwear. I know my mom had asked about it a few times. I did find the wet dreams were less frequent if I took care of business during the day.

I know that in high school, I was troubled by how often I masturbated. I was addicted and couldn't go a day without doing it once or twice. For a while, I marked the calendar to keep track and rarely made it more than 24 hours without playing. I was never attracted to female, or males either. My interests were always haircuts, shaved heads, or piercings. I don't think I had an official date in high school and never went to homecoming or prom.

In college in the 90s, I discovered the Internet. BME was one of my early favorite Internet sites. I honestly don't know when I discovered the Eunuch Archive. I do know it was a long time ago (Dr. Felix Spector was one of the few doctors helping men become Eunuchs when I first started visiting the site.)

I have played with an elastrator and a burdizzo. I have always resisted the idea of chemical castration. I don't know how much was the fantasy of being actually castrated and how much was the feeling it wouldn't be as effective. Neither castration or chemical castration seemed like a true option. Partly because there were so few doctors/resources that would provide either and partly because I didn't have the money needed to pay a doctor.

Last year was rough. I am single and usually fine with living alone, but a year without getting out of the house and socializing for more than 3 minutes at a time were hard. I don't have anyone who I feel comfortable talking to about what I am dealing with, so that has left me to my own devices.

I honestly don't know what I want. I would say that castration is a good option, but I don't know how to deal with the afterwards. I assume I will need to be on some type of hormones. I know that will be an added expenses beyond paying for a doctor to perform the procedure. I don't want any feminization, so either low dose or testosterone.

Becoming a Nullo has been a thought for years, and the primary reason why I would reject the idea is the fact I really appreciate how easy it is for a male to use a public restroom. I have been on enough vacations with my mom and aunt to know that we have it easier than women when it comes to the restroom.

I think when I was having the conversation with Plume, I came on too strong, but I really don't know how to explain my feelings or desires.

[grapesoda19 (imported)]

OK....@LoseThem knows this (as I've asked questions of my own, shared concerns about asking my shrink the same things, etc.), but let me share what I've learned and a little from my brain too....(I'll go through your post, by quotes)....

It has taken me a long time to move forward with anything related to becoming a Eunuch.

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. Trust me.

I had searched around for licensed Psychologists and contacted a few last year. Only two responded, one said they were not currently accepting new patients and the other said to give him a call to discuss setting up an appointment. It took me months to finally contact him.

As an Autistic who has seen shrinks since I was 8 (almost 40), there is no need you should be scared of talk to a shrink. None. They are legally and ethically bound to keep whatever you say between you, them, and the four walls of their office. Unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone is hurting you...and nothing I've heard is either...then are protected under patient/doctor, patient/therapist, OR patient/psychologist confidentiality. Never been afraid to talk to a shrink.

Having only two respond isn't just you either. Shrinks are full up because they have been inundated with new patient requestions from first time patients because of the lockdown, staying home, working from home, social distancing, the complete disaster that 2020 was with day after day after day of terrible news, and so on.

I was never attracted to females, or males either

. I don't think I had an official date in high school.

I'm just throwing this out there, so my apologizes if I am wrong. But when I read this, I immediately though "he might be asexual". I'll be honest, I didn't look at your bio, so I could be wrong (or right).

Last year was rough. I am single and usually fine with living alone, but a year without getting out of the house and socializing for more than 3 minutes at a time were hard.

I'm with you. Last year SUCKED!....for soooo many reasons. As I said, I'm Autistic, technically I have Aspergers, a form of Autism. Socializing isn't the best for me, but I wasn't terrible at it...pre-COVID. Post-Lockdown...Holy. Crap! It's like I completely forgot how to talk to people. It's a mess. So, it's not just you. It's a lot of people. Believe me.

I don't have anyone who I feel comfortable talking to about what I am dealing with, so that has left me to my own devices.

You in the right spot. You can talk to people who want exactly what you want, who have had the surgery, who can point you in the right directions, who can give you advice, and those of us who can give you a pep talk when you need one.

I honestly don't know what I want.

No one did...but you listen to your brain...and your heart. They'll tell you what is right.

Becoming a Nullo has been a thought for years, and the primary reason why I would reject the idea is the fact I really appreciate how easy it is for a male to use a public restroom. I have been on enough vacations with my mom and aunt to know that we have it easier than women when it comes to the restroom.

Dude, I am going to be bluntly honest with you. Please don't take this as me being rude, this is just bluntly, honest truth.

YOU DO NOT NEED A PENIS OR TESTICLES TO USE THE MEN'S ROOM! *ahem*

Now then....if you want to be a nullo, go for it....then use the men's room. Most of the guys (notice I said guys) here (and elsewhere) who have had nullification surgery still identify as male. The rest identify as "nullo" or "eunuch". Let me be further bluntly honest.

NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN THE BATHROOM!

We really don't. If you are gay, trans, bi, hell, you could be a girl in one of the stalls...we ain't lookin'. Unless you are at one of the urinals, we don't care. Even then, we don't care. It's a bathroom. A bathroom should NOT shape how you live your life in ANY shape or form.

I think when I was having the conversation with Plume, I came on too strong, but I really don't know how to explain my feelings or desires.

This is NOT a conversation you have with a sales associate.

FINAL NOTES: Only you can know what you want. You need to have a REAL heart-to-heart with YOURSELF. Figure out what YOU want. Figure what you want to "be". Eunuch (ie: castration), nullo, whatever. Then, go talk to your shrink (yeah, I use "shrink" a lot, I'm old school). They seem to know their stuff. Tell them exactly what you want, why you want it. You will need to jump through the standard "I'm not crazy, I'm not going to hurt myself" hoops (trust me on that one), but that's easy. Now, most surgeons require two letters from shrinks. So, you aren't gonna have anything done with a couple visits with a shrink. Plus, the surgeon is gonna make sure you are good as well. But you are on the right path.

Just find out what YOU want, don't do it for any other reason. Not a bathroom reason, not a silly reason, it's a "what your brain, your heart, your soul tells you that you want" reason. Trust me, it WILL click. When it does....go for it. You got this.

[Cleancut01 (imported)]

NovaMike, Grapesoda gave you an excellent response. He covered most of what I would have said.

My therapist reminds me that until very recently males wanting to reduce their sex drive was for most unthinkable. He tells me that in conferences the subject is still treated with a very hands-off approach. Folks like Jesus that are working with the consulting community are doing excellent work but it will take time, probably more than you and I have before males can discuss this and not be viewed with great suspicion of motives. He openly admits he has surprised himself in our sessions with some of his thoughts and applied theories that just don't fit our situation. Like you, I am male with no desire for other guys and feel my sex drive overly controls my life. That said I have managed it till age 63 so why not longer? Frankly managing it is draining, causes damage to my social relationships, and does not nor has not contributed to my quality of life since I finished having kids. The good part of all this is I am working with a very influential department head of a major research university who is thinking of using our time together to launch a study in our issues. Our being males that want to reduce their sex drive because they consider it overwhelming or at least not adding to the quality of their lives.

I live in the Raleigh area. I lived in Travelers Rest, SC, and hence frequented the Ashville area for 38 years. There is an excellent provider in Charlotte that will do a bilateral Orchi. with one letter. The practice will provide you with the names of local providers that will provide that letter. I have chosen to not take that path and I am working with the afore mention consular for other reasons and I knew when I started this that it would at least delay my opportunity.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

[Cseriess (imported)]

This is why I love this place. So much diversity of thought and discussion on the road to what feels like a common destination. I have to say, I have had a great experience with Plume. The Dr I spoke to actually said " this is your journey, and I am here to help you along it." When I said I didn't want to feminize, she suggested not just taking the usual starting regime of blockers and E, but to start slowly and see how the results fit me, and move on or not, from there.

[NovaMike (imported)]

I had my first conversation the other day. I found the therapist to be supportive and understanding. He has worked with other non-binary and Eunuch individuals in the past. He said he would support me and help connect me with doctors in the area who can perform the orchiectomy or penectomy if that is the decision. He suggested starting with an endocrinologist to check my bloodwork and hormone levels.

I know we are one year into the pandemic and it has been a rough year for everyone. I had seen a story on the news a few months ago about how the isolation has made people feel like they are in this alone. We don't get the casual encounters at work, shopping, and church to hear other people say they are also dealing with the same issues. I had a few repair people out to my house last year and most of them, I asked if it was easier going out shopping and to restaurants since they were having to go out on a daily basis. I feel like the longer I stay home, the less I want to risk exposure by going out in public.

For many years, I thought becoming a Eunuch was just a dream. There seemed to be few doctors who understood and supported people seeking help. The options I saw were to buy the drugs needed for chemical castration online from an overseas pharmacy and administer them myself without doctor's supervision. Going to Mexico or to the one or two doctors in the US who perform elective orchiectomies. Money was an issue when I factored in time off from work and travel expenses above the costs of the procedure. Find a way to do it myself. Now, with growing support for transgenders, there seems to also be more support and understanding of non-binary people.

I didn't know how to find a therapist to help. While there may be doctor / patient rights, I wanted someone who understood the issues and had experience helping other people through similar situations. Also, I am fairly independent and try to do most things myself. I really only go to a doctor if I have been sick for days. I don't have the best friend who will listen to whatever I have to say, so I am not used to sharing my problems with others.

I would love to become a nullo. When I mentioned issues with the restroom, I was less talking about having other people question if I was in the proper restroom or having men notice I don't have a penis, but the fact that men can stand up and use the toilet while women need to sit down. I don't like public restrooms and wouldn't want to sit on public toilets each and every time I need to go. The restrooms are a bigger issue with travel, both in the US and maybe more in other parts of the world. Having a penis makes it easier, and cleaner, going to the bathroom.

[Losethem (imported)]

As I'm sure you know, I'm a bonafide nullo. This means I've been navigating life and restrooms as a male without a cock for several years now. Here is the truth, you need to stop worrying about it. Yes, men are filthy creatures when presented with a public commode and not a urinal. Here is my life experience with this... Again, no cock here, I just have to deal with it.

First, most of your life will be spent locally. This means at first when you have this done, or you move to a new town, for a while you're going to have a couple issues with cleanliness of public restrooms. However, you will eventually figure out what establishments tend to keep their restrooms tidy. Over time, the fear of cleanliness in restrooms will fade. Road trips can be another thing entirely. The good news is if you're traveling along the interstates, you'll likely be coming to rest stops to use toilets. What this means is you're in a public facility usually with multiple commodes to choose from. I tend to try to pick the cleanest one I can find. If the stall looks filthy and the toilet has been flushed, but it's otherwise filthy in there on the surfaces I'll be touching, I'll pass it up for a stall that someone has rudely not flushed assuming the rest of that stall is clean. I either wave my hand in front of the autoflush to activate, or I use my foot and push the plunger to flush it. Voila! Clean stall.

I find the best place to go if I'm out and about (and have to stop there anyhow) is Lowe's. Their bathrooms tend to be clean, at least in my area. The worst? Any fast food place. Pick one... Doesn't matter.

My point in telling this story is, if you truly want nullification but public toilets are your hang-up about proceeding, knock it off already! LOL Because, and I'll be blunt, all you're doing is looking for an excuse to not go through with having your cock and balls removed. That's it. And if that's what you're doing, honestly... Is it the right thing for you to go through at all?

[The Maintaner (imported)]

As I'm sure you know, I'm a bonafide nullo. This means I've been navigating life and restrooms as a male without a cock for several years now. Here is the truth, you need to stop worrying about it. Yes, men are filthy creatures when presented with a public commode and not a urinal. Here is my life experience with this... Again, no cock here, I just have to deal with it.

First, most of your life will be spent locally. This means at first when you have this done, or you move to a new town, for a while you're going to have a couple issues with cleanliness of public restrooms. However, you will eventually figure out what establishments tend to keep their restrooms tidy. Over time, the fear of cleanliness in restrooms will fade. Road trips can be another thing entirely. The good news is if you're traveling along the interstates, you'll likely be coming to rest stops to use toilets. What this means is you're in a public facility usually with multiple commodes to choose from. I tend to try to pick the cleanest one I can find. If the stall looks filthy and the toilet has been flushed, but it's otherwise filthy in there on the surfaces I'll be touching, I'll pass it up for a stall that someone has rudely not flushed assuming the rest of that stall is clean. I either wave my hand in front of the autoflush to activate, or I use my foot and push the plunger to flush it. Voila! Clean stall.

I find the best place to go if I'm out and about (and have to stop there anyhow) is Lowe's. Their bathrooms tend to be clean, at least in my area. The worst? Any fast food place. Pick one... Doesn't matter.

My point in telling this story is, if you truly want nullification but public toilets are your hang-up about proceeding, knock it off already! LOL Because, and I'll be blunt, all you're doing is looking for an excuse to not go through with having your cock and balls removed. That's it. And if that's what you're doing, honestly... Is it the right thing for you to go through at all?

What this about filthy restrooms? Here in NE I haven't seen any. The local gas station commode is stained.(local water ) It is Clean. ;)Ernie

[Valery_V (imported)]

Many years I went on business trips and faced dirty men's rooms at stations. The problem was solved simply: you never sit down on a toilet bowl, and do everything on halfbent legs. The truth is required some skill, but health should be protected. As I am an eunuch without a cock and balls to me rather conveniently .

[Arab Nights (imported)]

NovaMike. A lot of good advice here. I debated whether I could add anything. Here is my best shot. I am absolutely sure I am on the autistic scale. Dealing with people was always a trap waiting to spring. Stuff just didn't seem to come out right. I think there was a character on 'Cheers' or 'Friends' who was like that. Fired. No girlfriend. Etc. Finally he figured he would do the opposite of whatever his first reaction was. Results - new job, good gf, etc. I finally figured out that the problem was not 'them,' it was me. Looking back, I could see a pattern in where the train went off the tracks. I changed in those situations. I would talk to people about themselves instead of launching off on a trajectory that often crashes. I like life better now. My point is that you might look back and maybe see common situations that do not work for you and change how you react in them. Also, as we come out of the pandemic, look for things that you can help out with that you are comfortable with. You are not going to instantly be a slap-on-the-back Rotary club guy, but maybe you would be comfortable helping and volunteering at a pet shelter, food bank or feed the homeless program. The world is full of needs, you have needs, all you have to give is your time and that works. Once I started getting out and dealing with people with my new strategy, things began to get better.

Second, I agree with Lt on hygiene. Living in rural South America in the 90s was a hygiene challenge. You learn to start the day with all the toilet paper you could possibly need tucked in your pant's pocket. I have seen people who double line toilet seats with TP. I don't and have never had a problem, but I can understand that. There is no reason that shouldn't include some sheets of paper towels now and packets of sanitizer sheets. A lot of problems can be an excuse, but also have reasonable solutions.

Good luck

[eunuchorn3 (imported)]

Doesn't anyone use the Ass Gaskets that are usually provided? I had to restock those as a Janitor, so yeah, they contribute to keeping your ass clean.