REDNECK bylaws

You're An EXTREME Redneck. When...

1) You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2) The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3) You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4) You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5) You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6) Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7) You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8) Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9) Your junior prom offered day care.

10) You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11) You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13) You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14) One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15) You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16) You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17) You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

And in closing

Two good ol' boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

I used to love Jeff Foxworthy's jokes!

Here is a good one I saw on Reddit /r/houseplants: I have a large spider in my house now. I have named him "Cotton Eyed Joe", because, where did he come from - and more importantly - where did he go?

Another one.

A local farmer near to me kept hens and one day an egg was laid that was bigger than all the others.

The farmer thought the hen that laid it was a bit broody so decided to let her rear it.

Anyway a bigger than normal chicken hatched out and it was pretty fast on its feet and a bit tricky to catch.

Fast forward a year and this chicken is now 14 feet tall and could dash across the fields at 70 odd MPH.

The farmer then had an idea to put a harness on the bird and fix a cart to it.

This worked well and saved a bit of fuel.

One day whilst going up the M5 to Bristol at the hilly bit around Gorando the rope attaching the chicken to the cart snapped.

The Chicken was last seen disappearing over the hill towards the Avonmouth dockyard.

The cart trundled to a halt in the middle of the motorway.

It wasn't long before the Traffic police stopped to find out the problem.

Police Officer "Are you in trouble"

Farmer "yes"

Police Officer "what's wrong then"

Farmer "My Big Hens Gone"

Sorry if that gets lost on those without mechanical knowledge.

This one is not for the Politically Correct:

What does a 14 year old Alabama girl say after sex?

Git off me Daddy, you're squishing my Marlboros

Let me get this straight. A group of Eunuchs and Eunuch wannabes are cracking jokes about southerners in a demeaning way.

Hmmm. A gay friend of mine said, gays and lesbians are so prejudice it is laughable. Gays hate lesbians and lesbians hate gays. Or you are not gay enough. Or dare I say it black enough. If we want to improve the world, we need to take responsibility for our own actions and stop blaming others for their intellectual weakness and disguising our prejudice in humor.

ROFLMAO.

Demeaning joke.s aside, I remember when I first saw the Corn Hole game on sale. What I knew of that title did not involve bags of shelled corn in a bag tossed through a hole in a piece of wood.

seanthomas (imported) wrote: Sat Oct 31, 2020 11:30 am This one is not for the Politically Correct:

What does a 14 year old Alabama girl say after sex?

Git off me Daddy, you're squishing my Marlboros

No, no, that's Kentucky. Sadly, the Ohio River isn't enough of a boundary to prevent blurring of the IN/KY line for such matters.

BiBikerFL (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:06 pm Let me get this straight. A group of Eunuchs and Eunuch wannabes are cracking jokes about southerners in a demeaning way.

Hmmm. A gay friend of mine said, gays and lesbians are so prejudice it is laughable. Gays hate lesbians and lesbians hate gays. Or you are not gay enough. Or dare I say it black enough. If we want to improve the world, we need to take responsibility for our own actions and stop blaming others for their intellectual weakness and disguising our prejudice in humor.

ROFLMAO.

Yes, in general, in our public and personal lives, it's always a good idea to be inclusive and watch out for making fun of people.

But then again, speaking as a guy who loves a good sarcastic hit-job and understands that joking about differences can be funny, I know that humor can be both vicious and cathartic.

I'd abhor living in a sterile world where only inclusive, kind things can be said about everybody.

Castrated comedy is not comedy at all.

By the way, I am gay like your friend, and I've rarely seen the kind of prejudices you talk of spoken for real; I HAVE, however, watched the queenliest queers rip the lesbians at the next table asunder with insults, while the bitch-boys returned fire viciously. And we all enjoy it.

ROFLMAO

Nine out of ten people polled say they never take polls.

TopManFL (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:42 am Nine out of ten people polled say they never take polls.

I don’t take poles but I do give ‘em.