I thought it might be interesting to get feedback on a point GordonGG has made. Obviously he and his wife are not sexually matched, but that is true thru life of a lot of couples no matter sexual orientation. How do people handle that? There obviously is a physical part, but also a moral part, etc. and it gets messy.

I asked a female friend to get a different viewpoint. I happen to know her husband is about as asexual as humans get. Amazingly they have one daughter. He hates driving and is happy to stay home with their pets. She says she takes care of her physical needs herself and focuses on the good parts of the union. She says he is a real sweetheart and otherwise she is really happy with him.

Any comments on those situations?

My wife has very low libido. I talked with her about it. She was surprised when I stated we last had sex over eight months ago. This became our first in-depth discussion of our mismatched sex drives. I suggested there are two ways to solve this. One is for her to seek out medical help in raising her libido. The other, lowering mine.

She ruled out the first option. So that left only physical or chemical castration. She, almost reluctantly, agreed for us to do a chemical castration trial. I ordered a three-month supply of Depo-Provera. After six to eight weeks my libido tanked. We were making out. She reached down, and finding me flaccid, I could feel her whole body relax. She was the one saying we should order more and continue the trial. After a year we considered it a way of life and never discussed reordering the DP. Interestingly, we had our General Practitioner doctor oversee this change. She mentioned to me during a checkup that mismatched libido was the cause of many marriages breaking up.

This was in 2006. After two years on DP we switched to Androcur (more stable delivery). Then in 2010 she read that long-term hormone use can be healthy. She thought castration was too severe. I told her I would find another way. She never asked what I did. After several months of ethanol injections I told her we no longer need to take Androcur. She hugged me and said "great." This past October we finalized things when I was castrated by a local urologist.

Matching our libidos saved our marriage.

Don

I'm so glad that my past posts about this has sparked more discussion. I'm going to mention a few things again if you don't mind.

Oh yes, mismatched sexual drives is a big thing. And I don't think all women know this, maybe hardly any. I know mine didn't. There were several times I thought of divorce, but by then we had children. I swore I would never do that to my kids. I would rather be frustrated. There was lots of love though, she is a great wife and mother, other than the sex thing.

When I started down the path of chemicals to drive mine down, it was a real eye opener. Why hadn't I thought of this before. It would have relieved decades of frustration. This needs to be out in the public eye more. I'm sure that there are thousands of men who would gladly take a drug or get their balls snipped off to get out of their frustration.

I was very lucky in that my indiscretions never resulted in STD's or pregnancies. But I didn't like doing it even while I was doing "it". Like you know, you're just satisfying a "hunger". You have to eat! And to answer your question, yes she did find out about it, well, at least one.

If I can be of more use in this discussion, just ask.

In thinking about my last post ^above^. I took my own suggestion and wrote a comment on the Psychology Today web site.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... ual-desire

Look for comment #18

"There is another way to deal with this.

Submitted by GordonG on September 9, 2020 - 4:36pm

I've been married for 46 years. My wife's and my sex drives are very different. For some very important reason I decided not to go through a divorce, and instead had sex outside the marriage in various forms.

Three years ago I found a different way. Chemicals that lowered my Testosterone, and hence my sex drive. That are in fact a few different kinds of pills you can take that will do the same thing. I liked the result very much, and so did my wife. After about a year, I asked my doctor for an orchiectomy. He referred me to a urologist who did the surgery. So I'm a Eunuch now. I'm without Testosterone now and love it. I'm a better person as my sexual drive isn't the predominant thing in my life anymore, at all.

I just wish I had done this decades ago."

I did not go into great detail, that is something that the person who want to know more will have to research.

Maybe I should also post a link to this forum?

If more of us posted things like this on the web. It may help some guys who are sexually frustrated.

Seems that throughout our marriage we went through stages where we both experienced high and low libidos. Kids, work, illness and other factors all conspired together to insure we were seldom on the same level. Shortly after we were married she lost an eye to cancer and was convinced that (a) she would die and (b) nobody could possibly love a disfigured woman. Those were the dark days that I wished I had zero sex drive but I was in my early 20s so that wasn't going to happen. Masturbation evolved into an art form and I stayed true to her. Finally she came out of her depression, found that guys think a cute girl with an eye patch is actually damn sexy and things got a lot better. Then peri-menopause and we are now in the full throes of "the change". She's emotional but still has a reasonable libido. So as a "high functioning" eunuch we are now pretty much equal. We've gone many months without sex, then done it once or twice a week. Vaginal is extremely rare but we have a lot of oral and toys.

There is a French film (I think) about a day without sex. It essentially is a couple of sketches. Teenagers at a party getting randy when the parents come home early. Parents finding themselves at home alone at last and getting randy when the teenagers come home early. An older wife wants intimacy and hubby admits he cannot get it up, so they go out and she buys viagra and he has a heart attack. It is easy to forget that sometimes the world between work, family, finances and so on seems subtly stacked against sex.

Great, thoughful comments in this posting. These posts could be used by sexually frustrasted men to begin this conversation with their partners.

I think lots of women would like that situation