6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen.

Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit

the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble.

7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut

up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk

casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO

NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or

contains no kidney beans. This will get your ass kicked into next week.

9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know

they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,

Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it

here, Delta is ready when you are.

10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we

don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what

we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's

all that matters.

11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil or cow

pies. If your livelihood depended on those wells and cows you'd soon

learn to love the aroma. Besides, none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught

fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass

all the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.

12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors

open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are

expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little

gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did

ours.