I'm getting a few bottles of wine, getting obliterated, and going to bed.

Fuck this.

I have a scotch on the rocks on my nightstand for the same reason.

I'll probably pour most of it down the drain in the morning because I will have fallen asleep instead of enjoying my nightcap.

Merry fucking whatever.

Jef

You guys are hilarious. I love Christmas time! Family, friends, good food, and many happy memories. But I'll have to admit, I'm glad it only comes once a year.

I've got the perfect "Christmas Carol" for each of you. Lyrics are below (its true character shows after the second verse!).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTx-sdR6Yzk

"The Season’s Upon Us" -- by Dropkick Murphys

The season's upon us, it's that time of year

Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer

There's lights on the trees and there's wreaths to be hung

There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung

There's bells and there's holly, the kids are gung-ho

True love finds a kiss beneath fresh mistletoe

Some families are messed up while others are fine

If you think yours is crazy, well you should see mine

My sisters are wack jobs, I wish I had none

Their husbands are losers and so are their sons

My nephew's a horrible wise little twit

He once gave me a nice gift wrapped box full of shit

He likes to pelt carolers with icy snowballs

I'd like to take him out back and deck more than the halls

With family like this I would have to confess

I'd be better off lonely, distraught and depressed

The season's upon us, it's that time of year

Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer

There's lights on the trees and there's wreaths to be hung

There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung

They call this Christmas where I'm from

My mom likes to cook, push our buttons and prod

My brother just brought home another big broad

The eyes rollin' whispers come love from the kitchen

I'd come home more often if they'd only quit bitchin'

Dad on the other hand's a selfish old sod

Drinks whiskey alone with my miserable dog

Who won't run off fetch sure he couldn't care less

He defiled my teddy bear and left me the mess

The season's upon us, it's that time of year

Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer

There's lights on the trees and there's wreaths to be hung

There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung

They call this Christmas where I'm from

The table's set, we raise a toast

The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost

I'm so glad this day only comes once a year

You can keep your opinions, your presents, your 'Happy New Year'

They call this Christmas where I'm from

They call this Christmas where I'm from

yes, Merry Christmas

Decades ago I was driving at night up Highway 395 on the lonely high Mohave Desert near Randsburg, CA. There appeared a distant point of light in the darkness. As I got closer, I could see it was really exterior home Christmas lights. Closer I could see they were only on the roof and closer still I could read: BAH HUMBUG. I always appreciated a guy who could use bright and cheery lights for an abrupt version of Prudence's message. Ah, desert dwellers.

I've been channeling the holiday road rage into modified Christmas Carols.

Here's one set to Jingle Bells.

You're driving up the road, slow in the left lane...

Making those behind you, go totally insane.

You're looking all around, taking in the sights...

While everyone behind you flashes their lights!

Move... out of the way, move out of the way, Move out of the way you stupid jerk!

Can't you see all of us are late for work?

Get out of the way, get out of the way, get out of the way you stupid ***K!

Because if you don't move you'll run out of luck.

Oh no we're on the bridge, you're still looking around,

Wondering if you should have... gotten off in town.

The tunnel is up ahead, You're afraid it will fall in on your head,

So you slam on your brakes, everyone behind you quakes,

As their cars spin out.

Move out of the way, move out of the way, move out of the way you big dolt,

Because when I pit maneuver you to the side, it will certainly jolt!

Get out of the way, get out of the way, get out of the way you stupid ass!

Just do it and finally let... us... all... passsss!

I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable Christmas. Or I could say a happy holiday season.

LT,

get a beater and just ram 'em and leave. That's what my mom used to do. She probably killed millions of people doing that. She got on the highway, someone was ending up in the median. Period.

Yeah, and by the way, FUCK the wine.

I'm sucking Canadian whiskey right out of the bottle.

Fuck the glass, too.