The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a

short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking

location, but how to get there without any assistance from

them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the

following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British

Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to

Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn't stop."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,

oneo'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the

little Fokker in sight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich

overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in

Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the

bloody war!"