Hello people!
Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2019 9:28 pm
Hello!
My (real) name is Brian. I live in San Diego, I'm 61 years old.
I've been lurking here for a few months, reading posts, trying to decide if I should introduce myself or wait ... I was afraid I would be labelled a 'wannabe' and that is what has prevented me from posting earlier. But, I'm pretty convinced I'm dedicated to this transformation.
Reading the blogs of other members has really helped me as I try to figure out how to navigate this road to becoming the eunuch I want to be. I guess, at this point, I would call myself MtE. Or mayber better, MtFtM. I love being male, I love being a man, but I also have always wanted to replace my male genitalia with female genitalia. When I see images of FTM men, I am certain that is who and what I want to me. A man with a pussy.
My mother always told me that if I had been born a girl I would have been named Judith. Ugh. So, as a boy, she named me Brian Jude. Apparently my father was leaving her and she prayed to St. Jude to save her marriage and promised to name me after him if he intervened. So, I'm Brian Jude. But as I entered puberty, something strange happened. I began to see myself as Judy, not as Brian. All through high school I referred to myself as Judy in my mind. I rarely thought of myself as Brian or as male. I was a young, female teenager. I suppose, if I had been born a couple decades later, I would have transitioned as a teen ager. But in 1972, that wasn't much of an option. After lots of struggle, and a few years of therapy, I emerged as a fairly happy, homosexual man.
It wasn't until my 30's that I really embraced being male. I saw myself more and more as virile, as masculine. I worked on my body, I became a power top! Other men paid me to fuck them. It was really quite something. But, deep down, I wasn't really satisfied. I remember in my late 30's, when the internet was finally a thing, reading a story posted by someone that had just become a eunuch. He described the process of castrating himself and the joy and peace he felt at finally becoming a eunuch. I knew then THAT is what I wanted. But, it seemed so alien then. I didn't know where to go or how to achieve it, so I just let it lay in my subconscious.
I am in an open relationship of 22 years now. We love each other and I have a great life with him. I top him because he loves it! But he is the only man I top any more. Whenever I play, whether alone or with him, I bottom. I have no desire to top anyone else. I really have no desire to use my penis for anything, not even to piss. It seems like a useless appendage to me. About 6 years ago I began a relationship with another guy that has always wanted to feminize me in bed. It has been so awesome. He has really helped me dig down and explore the feelings I've always had to have female genitalia. He is excited for me to become a eunuch and, someday, have a vagina. Of course, my long term relationship prevents that right now. But we have come up with a temporary solution. We are going to give me a urinary reroute. That will be our first step. One day, when everything falls into place, I'll get castrated and then, ultimately, I'll have vaginoplasty.
We have attempted the reroute once now. It was after that I decided I was no longer a 'wannabe'! LOL We had some technical difficulties last time, but I am certain by the end of October I will have a reroute. I'm excited for that. Piercing my urethra to change my body was so thrilling. I see it as a first step to my transition. I will have to sit to piss and will begin to stretch it so it becomes my central plaything. Eventually we will move to castration, but a lot of things have to fall in place first. But I am certain that is where I want to go and that is what will really fulfill me.
So that is where I am right now. Thanks everyone for reading and thanks in advance for your comments.
Brian
My (real) name is Brian. I live in San Diego, I'm 61 years old.
I've been lurking here for a few months, reading posts, trying to decide if I should introduce myself or wait ... I was afraid I would be labelled a 'wannabe' and that is what has prevented me from posting earlier. But, I'm pretty convinced I'm dedicated to this transformation.
Reading the blogs of other members has really helped me as I try to figure out how to navigate this road to becoming the eunuch I want to be. I guess, at this point, I would call myself MtE. Or mayber better, MtFtM. I love being male, I love being a man, but I also have always wanted to replace my male genitalia with female genitalia. When I see images of FTM men, I am certain that is who and what I want to me. A man with a pussy.
My mother always told me that if I had been born a girl I would have been named Judith. Ugh. So, as a boy, she named me Brian Jude. Apparently my father was leaving her and she prayed to St. Jude to save her marriage and promised to name me after him if he intervened. So, I'm Brian Jude. But as I entered puberty, something strange happened. I began to see myself as Judy, not as Brian. All through high school I referred to myself as Judy in my mind. I rarely thought of myself as Brian or as male. I was a young, female teenager. I suppose, if I had been born a couple decades later, I would have transitioned as a teen ager. But in 1972, that wasn't much of an option. After lots of struggle, and a few years of therapy, I emerged as a fairly happy, homosexual man.
It wasn't until my 30's that I really embraced being male. I saw myself more and more as virile, as masculine. I worked on my body, I became a power top! Other men paid me to fuck them. It was really quite something. But, deep down, I wasn't really satisfied. I remember in my late 30's, when the internet was finally a thing, reading a story posted by someone that had just become a eunuch. He described the process of castrating himself and the joy and peace he felt at finally becoming a eunuch. I knew then THAT is what I wanted. But, it seemed so alien then. I didn't know where to go or how to achieve it, so I just let it lay in my subconscious.
I am in an open relationship of 22 years now. We love each other and I have a great life with him. I top him because he loves it! But he is the only man I top any more. Whenever I play, whether alone or with him, I bottom. I have no desire to top anyone else. I really have no desire to use my penis for anything, not even to piss. It seems like a useless appendage to me. About 6 years ago I began a relationship with another guy that has always wanted to feminize me in bed. It has been so awesome. He has really helped me dig down and explore the feelings I've always had to have female genitalia. He is excited for me to become a eunuch and, someday, have a vagina. Of course, my long term relationship prevents that right now. But we have come up with a temporary solution. We are going to give me a urinary reroute. That will be our first step. One day, when everything falls into place, I'll get castrated and then, ultimately, I'll have vaginoplasty.
We have attempted the reroute once now. It was after that I decided I was no longer a 'wannabe'! LOL We had some technical difficulties last time, but I am certain by the end of October I will have a reroute. I'm excited for that. Piercing my urethra to change my body was so thrilling. I see it as a first step to my transition. I will have to sit to piss and will begin to stretch it so it becomes my central plaything. Eventually we will move to castration, but a lot of things have to fall in place first. But I am certain that is where I want to go and that is what will really fulfill me.
So that is where I am right now. Thanks everyone for reading and thanks in advance for your comments.
Brian
