That title sounds like a pseudo-scientific article lol.

I’m wondering is how (or if) growing up without a penis affected my sexuality. It’s a question that really is more of an academic nature because I’m feeling more and more secure with who I am and who I may become.

All this comes from thinking back how different I was growing up, and how it was difficult to conceive what it might feel like to have penetrative sex with either a girl or guy. That’s not to say I didn’t fantasize about it even if my concept of the feeling was off. After all, porn is easy to find and I obviously understood the *mechanics* of the act if not the sensation of it. I’ve watched plenty of gay and straight porn for sure.

For a while I didn’t really wonder if I was gay, straight, or bi. I just craved the orgasm and wanted to be able to experience that with someone else. Even in my mid teen years, I began to wonder if I might be bi or gay. Because I had no penis, my sexual experience was a solo one. Even so, I tended to watch more gay porn and just felt more physically and emotionally attracted to other guys. Tbh: while I found women attractive, I felt more comfortable around guys—-AND strangely (or not) more confident sharing my secret with another male. I guess I felt like I didn’t have anything to offer a girl. Right or wrong, that was part of my mindset as a teen.

Now, having been in a few relationships and sex with other guys, I feel very comfortable with saying I’m gay and that by necessity I’m a total bottom. At this point, the urge to top has faded. This might also be a contributing factor to why castration has become a something I want to look into. My balls seem unnecessary.

That said, I always wonder what if any role my situation played in getting to this point. One answer is, “Does it really matter if you’re happy?” That’s valid, but there’s always a part of me that wonders about the road not taken—or perhaps the road not available.

Were you born without a penis or was there an accident? If it’s a birth defect, the conditions that caused it could easily cause you sexuality to be different as well.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 12, 2019 7:19 am Were you born without a penis or was there an accident? If it’s a birth defect, the conditions that caused it could easily cause you sexuality to be different as well.

I was born with a normal penis. When I was circumcised, the procedure was botched and complications developed that caused me to lose my penis when I was a newborn. It was surgically removed when I was 6-7 days old.

DifferentZach (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 12, 2019 8:28 am I was born with a normal penis. When I was circumcised, the procedure was botched and complications developed that caused me to lose my penis when I was a newborn. It was surgically removed when I was 6-7 days old.

Was it a total or radical penectomy (i.e. the interior bits removed as well) or just the external? I notice you said elsewhere that you can use a urinal; they didn't give you a reroute so that you'd pee downwards? That is what usually happens when someone's penis has to be removed, so that they don't pee outwards.

Did you ever find out if surgeons intended to do more than remove the injured penis? If that had happened twenty years earlier, they would likely have removed everything and reassigned you as a girl, as in the David Reimer case (who was more than a year old when reassigned).

@HumanFly

The original penectomy removed most external tissue. At age 7, I developed a stricture that was treated with a minor procedure. At age 11, I developed severe pain where my penis would have been. Surgery removed all external tissue, but my urethra was still routed forward. It actually healed well, and remains sensitive in a pleasurable way. Though I can use a urinal if I stand close and pinch the skin around the urinary exit, it isn’t my first choice because it’s still messy and often runs down my scrotum. Most of the time I sit.

The urologist who sees me wants me to have surgery to remove everything and have a perineal urethrotomy due to the problems I have—though he warns of UTIs. I already have had a few as it is now along with some new structures that affect my urine flow. The reason things have gotten worse is that the tiny protrusion created when I was 11 allowed me to urinate forward somewhat. It’s receded now so that the exit is pretty much flush with my body now—-that’s why I have to maneuver and pinch the skin just right to (barely) pee forward. (Maybe I over-sold the urinal thing?)

I’ve hesitated to have it done because despite the problems I have, the small area about the size of a quarter surrounding my urethral exit is very pleasurable. I’d hate to lose that.

From what I understand, the surgeons first tried to repair the penis, but for various (negligent) reasons, that was impossible because the necessary blood vessels were destroyed. Given the disastrous case of David Reimer, a total SRS was considered only briefly and then dismissed.

There was a lawsuit that led to a settlement with my parents. By then I was a toddler. Of course, I wasn’t aware of all of this at the time.

If you are thinking about castration, please test it first, try chemical castration and if you like the feeling, then go for the real thing. Testosterone drives you sexually and you might not want to lose that or at least not completely.

Hash (imported) wrote: Sat Sep 14, 2019 2:56 pm If you are thinking about castration, please test it first, try chemical castration and if you like the feeling, then go for the real thing. Testosterone drives you sexually and you might not want to lose that or at least not completely.

What you say makes sense. The feeling I have toward my testicles is changing. They’ve done their job and now I’m grown. They now look out of place and don’t fit who I’ve become. I don’t want to be woman-I don’t feel female. I just want to be a masculine “other”. I’d still want some T, so I know what I’m saying probably sounds off the wall...