Hi
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2019 6:58 pm
Hello all. Ive been a lurker for a while, but finally decided to sign up and introduce myself and get in on the conversation. Im 35, from Indiana, USA. Even after reading others stories here on these forums and identifying with parts of so many of them, I still find it hard to articulate my complex, mostly negative relationship with my balls but there are a few factors at play.
First, Ive never had any interest whatsoever in having children. So for their most basic function my testicles are, at best, completely worthless. I like kids; my nephews are awesome and I love them. I babysit for them or go over to my brothers house to hang out with the whole family every chance I can get. I just have no desire to have my own. Its partly little picture and selfish, not wanting the expenses and responsibilities of being a parent, and partly big picture as Ive studied the effects of human overpopulation on the planet and societies and I would feel like a hypocrite if I were to contribute to the human population beyond my individual existence. If anything, because of these factors, having the physical ability to reproduce is a net negative for me. Yes there are less extreme ways than castration to mitigate that such as vasectomy, condoms, and various forms of female birth control but even those arent foolproof. Besides, birth control isnt my only or biggest reason.
More important, I just dont feel like my balls belong. Beyond that, its hard to articulate exactly what I mean but Ill try to give a few examples. Ever since puberty theyve just seemed foreign to me. I began to despise everything about them, from the way they themselves looked, to the changes my body was going through in puberty (even though I didnt really know the science behind it yet, from the very beginning I correctly connected those changes to my balls in my mind) such as increased body hair, to a sense of vulnerability that they gave me. (the most humiliating experience of my life was getting kicked in the balls by a bully on my very first day of high school in front of everyone, which dropped me to the ground whimpering in the fetal position which everyone except me found hilarious) The first time I wished for castration, it was part sexual fantasy but part real fantasy. I imagined it occurring in a sexual context (it was a cute girl from my math class who snipped them off while wearing a very skimpy bikini and no top) but it was also real as I saw it as a very real solution to a very real problem. Over the years the sexual aspect of the castration fantasy has come and gone; sometimes its someone I find attractive doing it, other times its in a sterile, purely business, medical environment. But the real part of the fantasy has only strengthened. My feeling that my balls dont belong as part of my body has never wavered, to the point that their continued presence now has a sizable and growing negative impact on my mental health and self esteem.
As for the potential negative side effects of castration, the primary that Ive read about is hormonal. While this certainly has potential to be unpleasant, from my research it is not directly life threatening, and the side effects can be reduced or in some cases eliminated entirely, through modern medicine. So the way Im looking at it, that is at worst an inconvenience.
So I guess the real question is where do I stand right now? Why did I choose today to set up an account? The primary thing that has been holding me back is money. While a sexualized version of castration still sometimes creeps into my mind, in reality I have no desire to get it done in a non-medical environment. I dont want my body mutilated, I just want my sack sliced open, my testicles cut off and thrown away as medical waste, and then to be sown back up. Money has been tight for a while to the point that putting aside even a few dollars at a time just wasnt an option. Recently though Ive been blessed with a new, higher paying, more stable job, as well as other financial good fortune. Ive paid off all my debt and now can absolutely 100% afford to have the procedure done by a real urologist in a real medical office. So Ive ordered some Androcur and am going to do a short test run, probably in the neighborhood of 30-60 days. If that works out well, Im going to reach out to Dr Arnkoff in Michigan and set a date, probably late summer or early fall. I personally kind of like the idea of an empty sack over being smooth, so I have no plans right now to get my scrotum reduced or removed. Some people here have mentioned that they had some irritation from the extra skin; Ill just take that as it comes. If I decide later to get it removed Ill find a plastic surgeon. I would assume/hope that plastic surgeons willing to remove an already empty scrotum would be more numerous than urologists willing to remove healthy testicles.
First, Ive never had any interest whatsoever in having children. So for their most basic function my testicles are, at best, completely worthless. I like kids; my nephews are awesome and I love them. I babysit for them or go over to my brothers house to hang out with the whole family every chance I can get. I just have no desire to have my own. Its partly little picture and selfish, not wanting the expenses and responsibilities of being a parent, and partly big picture as Ive studied the effects of human overpopulation on the planet and societies and I would feel like a hypocrite if I were to contribute to the human population beyond my individual existence. If anything, because of these factors, having the physical ability to reproduce is a net negative for me. Yes there are less extreme ways than castration to mitigate that such as vasectomy, condoms, and various forms of female birth control but even those arent foolproof. Besides, birth control isnt my only or biggest reason.
More important, I just dont feel like my balls belong. Beyond that, its hard to articulate exactly what I mean but Ill try to give a few examples. Ever since puberty theyve just seemed foreign to me. I began to despise everything about them, from the way they themselves looked, to the changes my body was going through in puberty (even though I didnt really know the science behind it yet, from the very beginning I correctly connected those changes to my balls in my mind) such as increased body hair, to a sense of vulnerability that they gave me. (the most humiliating experience of my life was getting kicked in the balls by a bully on my very first day of high school in front of everyone, which dropped me to the ground whimpering in the fetal position which everyone except me found hilarious) The first time I wished for castration, it was part sexual fantasy but part real fantasy. I imagined it occurring in a sexual context (it was a cute girl from my math class who snipped them off while wearing a very skimpy bikini and no top) but it was also real as I saw it as a very real solution to a very real problem. Over the years the sexual aspect of the castration fantasy has come and gone; sometimes its someone I find attractive doing it, other times its in a sterile, purely business, medical environment. But the real part of the fantasy has only strengthened. My feeling that my balls dont belong as part of my body has never wavered, to the point that their continued presence now has a sizable and growing negative impact on my mental health and self esteem.
As for the potential negative side effects of castration, the primary that Ive read about is hormonal. While this certainly has potential to be unpleasant, from my research it is not directly life threatening, and the side effects can be reduced or in some cases eliminated entirely, through modern medicine. So the way Im looking at it, that is at worst an inconvenience.
So I guess the real question is where do I stand right now? Why did I choose today to set up an account? The primary thing that has been holding me back is money. While a sexualized version of castration still sometimes creeps into my mind, in reality I have no desire to get it done in a non-medical environment. I dont want my body mutilated, I just want my sack sliced open, my testicles cut off and thrown away as medical waste, and then to be sown back up. Money has been tight for a while to the point that putting aside even a few dollars at a time just wasnt an option. Recently though Ive been blessed with a new, higher paying, more stable job, as well as other financial good fortune. Ive paid off all my debt and now can absolutely 100% afford to have the procedure done by a real urologist in a real medical office. So Ive ordered some Androcur and am going to do a short test run, probably in the neighborhood of 30-60 days. If that works out well, Im going to reach out to Dr Arnkoff in Michigan and set a date, probably late summer or early fall. I personally kind of like the idea of an empty sack over being smooth, so I have no plans right now to get my scrotum reduced or removed. Some people here have mentioned that they had some irritation from the extra skin; Ill just take that as it comes. If I decide later to get it removed Ill find a plastic surgeon. I would assume/hope that plastic surgeons willing to remove an already empty scrotum would be more numerous than urologists willing to remove healthy testicles.
