Keeping a Journal

[kitchkinet18 (imported)]

I'm going to start by saying I really wasn't sure where to put this, because it fit so many areas. Because of that, I went with here.

And I'm also going to preface this with saying that I plan on seeing a therapist/mental health professional in the near future. I have many issues that I believe I need to get sorted out and I'm willing to put the money/effort into doing so.

Now for why I'm posting. A few months ago, I started keeping a journal of sorts. More specifically, it's a combination of an autobiography and a journal. In it, I begin by describing the several issues that I'm looking to address, and later, I list and go into full detail all the events in my life that I can remember that I believe contributed to each particular issue. I have 3 major issues that I know I need to get sorted. They have been sources of mental stress for some time and I think getting professional help will benefit my mental status greatly.

One of the three is my desire for castration(and no, I don't wish to discuss the others here). As I began to list all the events that I feel contributed to this desire, I really started to feel better about myself and that desire. I have all these thoughts in my head, all these events, feelings, and emotions, and to be able to isolate each one and describe it individually really helped make sense of it all.

As for the specific events, I'll get into them If asked. They're not a secret I want time keep and at this point, I feel they are just facts of my life. But what surprised me was how many of these events happened when I was a child or in early puberty, long before I had a real sexual identity or knew what a eunuch was. Truthfully, given these events, I discovered that I basically was predisposed to desiring castration. And that has really calmed me down and helpedme feel better about myself and my desire for castration. It's no substitute for professional help, but it's a start and I feel like it's me putting in effort to improve my well-being in the ways that I am able to.

I recommend everyone giving it a try. My mental and emotional state, and especially my clarity and understanding of myself, has seen a huge upswing. I just wanted to make the recommendation, because I'm sure there are others that struggle with very similar feelings and need some clarity. I plan to share my journal with a therapist when I begin my sessions. If you wanted to get a real feeling for who I am and why, this journal of mine is basically a guide to my soul. I often find myself going back to read what I've written, and then reflecting on everything that has come about because of it.

I hope everyone can find the peace of mind I've begun to find. Stay safe and stay well!