On weekends, I lie awake at night dreaming of making love. My girlfriend lives states away in New Jersey.

We telephone and she mentions this or that we might do.

My penis may for a moment increase a tad in size. I touch it and it shrinks to a size that is not but seems childlike.

I think of the beautiful woman from my church--a dream of a woman, intelligent and responsible, but not interested in me. Just as well, though my penis throbs with desire, nothing rises, shall we say, to the moment at hand A fantasy made real and, yet, just a night of making love would erase the fantasy---at least for a moment.

Fantasy flows but nothing happens. Nothing emerges, nothing flows

Old Softee,

Thank you for these threads. I hope that there will be useful participation on them.

- Jim

The helplessness from a penis that doesn’t erect is most exquisite. I have been on HRT for three straight months now, and my results can be measured every couple days or so. We are all looking for different results and actions here (and for different reasons), and everyone takes a different course naturally.

I am wondering, Old Softee, if you are sad because your penis does not get erect or if you enjoy it?

I am beginning to know the mental joy and physical frustration from not being able to get an erection. What you speak of, the “throbbing” occurs, but nothing happens in the penis. I have resorted to visual stimulations to help me (sometimes male genitals; most of the time non-nude photos of Black Women) and the lack of response is amazing. My penis just sits there even though I feel a turn-on rush. When I reach for it, it is totally small and flaccid.

Eventually, it does grow; however, and it lengthens without me really feeling that occur. If I take my hand away it goes limp immediately. I’ve not had a rock-hard erection for many weeks now, but what I do get I can masturbate with. The most drastic changes are in my ejaculations. At climax, I can feel the pleasure; I grope for something to discharge, but only a small volume of runny liquid comes out.

I’ve not been able to achieve clear water sprinkles like in MD again. At that time, there was still force to push the ejaculate outward – now, it just appears at the tip and because it is so thin, it dribbles down the shaft.

Hopefully one day I will not feel the need to masturbate or to satisfy the curiosity of my body’s changes… but for now I am thrilled by the helplessness and near-impotence that I am experiencing. That alone turns me on. If and when I become totally impotent, I will probably desire to help get others off and to fulfill my need to be a servant and to obey a sexual superior.



- Jim

Hi slave_jim & Old Softee,

This is my first post (after lurking for quite sometime now), after reading the current thread I was prompted to join (at last) and hopefully contribute in someway.

First thing really is for me to express my surprise and sincere delight at my being able to identify so strongly with the helplessness/frustration/impotence = pleaure aspect of your posts (I thought I was alone in this respect).

Briefly as for myself I am pursuing castration via my urologist, with eventual total nullification - any feminisation that occurs after castration will be an added bonus (I will probably pursue this even more after the op').

Enough for now, it's just really comforting to know that there are like minded souls on the board

- Pete

petetg (imported) wrote: Thu Oct 17, 2002 11:07 am Hi slave_jim & Old Softee,

This is my first post (after lurking for quite sometime now), after reading the current thread I was prompted to join (at last) and hopefully contribute in someway.

First thing really is for me to express my surprise and sincere delight at my being able to identify so strongly with the helplessness/frustration/impotence = pleaure aspect of your posts (I thought I was alone in this respect).

Briefly as for myself I am pursuing castration via my urologist, with eventual total nullification - any feminisation that occurs after castration will be an added bonus (I will probably pursue this even more after the op').

Enough for now, it's just really comforting to know that there are like minded souls on the board

- Pete

Pete,

Welcome to the Eunuch Message Boards even though you may have been reading for a while... thanks for your 1st post.

It is good to know of your situation and pending castration and I wish you all the best with that. Hope everything goes well. I'm also happy that you look forward to feminization -- it is a delight for many of us.

You might want to check out the thread "Glandular and Mineral Therapy" (one of mine) and read all of Christina's threads.

I consider any morning or evening when I don't masturbate to be a small victory. Going a day without doing it is a triumph. However, the joy of having a much smaller package around-the-clock is something like I've never experienced before. In addition, I like the frustration and sense of loss that you mentioned.

At first I didn't think it was appropriate to write details about the changes to my body and my habits. But I've come to find out that it might help others somehow. Christina has given me very beneficial information even though we are on separate paths.

I'm looking forward to your future posts.

- Jim

Welcome to the Archives! As Jim has mentioned, I am on a different path than him. I am seeking to totaly feminize my body. As a first step, castration would eliminate the large doses of medications I am currently taking. For the past several month's now, I have enjoyed the elimination of testosterone from my body. I have a total lack of disire for stimulation. Being that I am curious as to what changes are accuring with me, I have tried to materbate on occasion and have given up without frustration or a need to release sexual tensions. It really does not bother me that I don't try much anymore. The times I do get an erection and climax, the feelings are still intense, but hardly no fluids. As each day passes, I find it more difficult to get erections and maintain them.

Please keep me informed of your outcome with your urologist. This is one of the most difficult services to obtain on an elective basis. I have tried to find a local urologist and even with the help of my therapist, I have not had any success. I am sure many others will want to know too.

Again, Welcome. You should find many who are helpful and friendly here on the Archive. I hope you do post more often!

Last night I felt somewhat stimulated and wanted to masturbate, but I gave up. Nothing really happened with my penis, so I didn't work on it.

This might not seem like much but it is a grand progression for me!

I can no longer achieve rock-hard erections -- those are in the past for me; at least for now. When I feel stimulated, my penis just sits limp even though I think I am getting aroused. My ejaculations are just a little dribble of non-clear fluid. It is mostly clear with some white mixed inside. It is a strain to force this out and believe me, it's just a drop.

My breasts have been aching for two weeks now and it is not pleasant for me. Before I stated that I enjoy this -- and I did -- but I really am not looking for huge breasts at this point in my life. I may back off of the estrogen slowly and try Promensil plus some other estrogen-inducing herbs. Evidently the Spirotone does its' job.

- Jim

I to am enjoing the loss of erections it is not that i cant have them if i want. I just dont care anymore .I have masterbated five times since the first of june the last time it burned and was not plesent. I am just thankful i dont care for masterbation any more i used to do it at least three or four times a week i had a sex addection and i did not like it.

Testing Testing 123 Testing

Mount me you ol softee ahahaha

ANTONIA i think you took OLD SOFTEES breath away