Coming to terms with my sexuality
Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 5:40 pm
Hello everybody.
I have browsed the forums many times in the past and found them quite informative and inspirational; I now feel I am ready to join in.
My name is Jackson and I am a currently intact male in my mid 30s and I am openly gay. I feel as though I am ready to start my journey coming out about my desire to be eunuch. It seems inevitable that my sexual evolution would bring me to this realization but it could never have been defined until very recently.
For several years I have been primarily asexual this has also extended to my intimate and romantic notions. Add to this that I tend to be a loner; though gregarious often, I rarely let people know the real me.
I recently made what was, to me, a major realization, I have never found fufillment in my sex life and my in intamacy because I've been repressing myself and hiding my "strange" impulses this whole time. This has lead me to be asexual and estranged from the idea of partnership. I even worked against exploring the occasional mild kink of a former lover, likely for fear the flood gates might open and it might lead to shame or humiliation.
This realization comes after I have allowed myself to explore some kinks the last few years. One benefit of being asexual is that you can bypass the fear of someone judging you enough to explore. I have become quite fond of Chastity, even though currently it is self imposed and not full time yet. I have also started to explore hooking up with other guys and do it strictly as servicing them. I am realizing more and more my fufillment comes from servicing others and I am happiest when I can be submissive. I really dislike when a guy shifts his attention to my dick, I really rather it be ignored entirely but this is not easy to establish and agree upon during a hook up. Gay guys often want you to have a beautiful and functional penis, even if they don't want to touch it.
Although there are things I appreciate about my own penis it is fair to say that I am unhappy with it and dislike it. I could go way back to my childhood but let's just sum that up by saying I have often tried to abuse my penis and wanted to make it smaller or non-existent. I have dabbled with some genital modification that would likely be considered very minimal by many here but I did perform my own circumcision. I am now learning that desire was just the onset of something larger and piecing many things together I realize that what I am really waiting for is a full genital nullification. I have found such peace so quickly with this thought once it started to sink in.
And that's why I am here, I want to open my life to this and engage with others. I want to meet like-minded souls and learn what I can before diving in to "uncharted waters". I am also in the personals section with the same username as I would simultaneously like to explore sexual relationships with a Dom or possibly even a nullo/eunuch. I don't know why exactly but the idea of playing with a nullo, even as me typically a sub is very appealing
Sorry this is so long-winded but I have a lot bottled up that has needed relase. Lol. Ask me anything and I look forward to meeting everyone on the forums!
I have browsed the forums many times in the past and found them quite informative and inspirational; I now feel I am ready to join in.
My name is Jackson and I am a currently intact male in my mid 30s and I am openly gay. I feel as though I am ready to start my journey coming out about my desire to be eunuch. It seems inevitable that my sexual evolution would bring me to this realization but it could never have been defined until very recently.
For several years I have been primarily asexual this has also extended to my intimate and romantic notions. Add to this that I tend to be a loner; though gregarious often, I rarely let people know the real me.
I recently made what was, to me, a major realization, I have never found fufillment in my sex life and my in intamacy because I've been repressing myself and hiding my "strange" impulses this whole time. This has lead me to be asexual and estranged from the idea of partnership. I even worked against exploring the occasional mild kink of a former lover, likely for fear the flood gates might open and it might lead to shame or humiliation.
This realization comes after I have allowed myself to explore some kinks the last few years. One benefit of being asexual is that you can bypass the fear of someone judging you enough to explore. I have become quite fond of Chastity, even though currently it is self imposed and not full time yet. I have also started to explore hooking up with other guys and do it strictly as servicing them. I am realizing more and more my fufillment comes from servicing others and I am happiest when I can be submissive. I really dislike when a guy shifts his attention to my dick, I really rather it be ignored entirely but this is not easy to establish and agree upon during a hook up. Gay guys often want you to have a beautiful and functional penis, even if they don't want to touch it.
Although there are things I appreciate about my own penis it is fair to say that I am unhappy with it and dislike it. I could go way back to my childhood but let's just sum that up by saying I have often tried to abuse my penis and wanted to make it smaller or non-existent. I have dabbled with some genital modification that would likely be considered very minimal by many here but I did perform my own circumcision. I am now learning that desire was just the onset of something larger and piecing many things together I realize that what I am really waiting for is a full genital nullification. I have found such peace so quickly with this thought once it started to sink in.
And that's why I am here, I want to open my life to this and engage with others. I want to meet like-minded souls and learn what I can before diving in to "uncharted waters". I am also in the personals section with the same username as I would simultaneously like to explore sexual relationships with a Dom or possibly even a nullo/eunuch. I don't know why exactly but the idea of playing with a nullo, even as me typically a sub is very appealing
Sorry this is so long-winded but I have a lot bottled up that has needed relase. Lol. Ask me anything and I look forward to meeting everyone on the forums!