Bulwer-Lytton 2018 winners
Posted: Sat Sep 01, 2018 3:55 pm
Here are a small selection of the winners from the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (where www means wretched writers welcome). The entire set of winners can be found on their website at: https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/latest-winners
2018 Grand Prize:
Cassie smiled as she clenched Johns hand on the edge of an abandoned pier while the sun set gracefully over the water, and as the final rays of light disappeared into a star-filled sky she knew that there was only one thing left to do to finish off this wonderful evening, which was to throw his severed appendage into the oceans depths so it could never be found againand maybe get some custard after.
A sample of others:
"Pooh," said Piglet inquisitively, "I don't believe the quantum interplay of dark energy and black holes allows for the anti-matter superposition of a Higgs-Boson vector that you are postulating transported you thru an n-dimensional carbon lattice and got you stuck in the hunny tree . . . just sayin'."
Jimmy-The-Bull lay sprawled in a puddle of his own blood, which spread out like a bright-red Rorschach test, in which Detective Williams had so far identified a butterfly, a puppy and the Eiffel tower, but was vaguely disappointed that there was nothing resembling Jimmys trademark bull, although the coroner had seen a giraffe, which he claimed was close enough, since it was also a ruminant.
Big Bertha was a giant artillery piece used by the Germans that could hurl shells as big as a horse and cart causing horrific death and destruction over a distance of six miles which is why General Blithering, a brilliant English tactician, established his HQ some seven miles from the front as he preferred not to risk damage to his antique Spode china tea set with the hand-painted blue willow pattern.
Even in the noisy gloom of the Oyster's Pearl, the most frequented bar in town, Sergeant Pete Harrison spotted her the moment she walked in--the young, tall blonde in a tight red dress that clung to her the way those stringy bits stick to a banana after you peel it.
Phoebe sighed happily as she read the text from Mark asking her to be "friends with benefits," as she thought maybe, just maybe, she would finally get that 401k and dental insurance.
The professor had constantly warned his protégé about the time travel related risks of meeting a past version of yourself or killing your grandfather, but unfortunately he'd never mentioned the worst time machine risk of all -- sticking your head out of the window.
In preparation for visits by African dignitaries, we had redecorated the West Wing of the White House in an African motif with numerous artificial plants and animals, but the President asked that we remove the papier-mache wildebeests, saying he was "tired of fake gnus."
2018 Grand Prize:
Cassie smiled as she clenched Johns hand on the edge of an abandoned pier while the sun set gracefully over the water, and as the final rays of light disappeared into a star-filled sky she knew that there was only one thing left to do to finish off this wonderful evening, which was to throw his severed appendage into the oceans depths so it could never be found againand maybe get some custard after.
A sample of others:
"Pooh," said Piglet inquisitively, "I don't believe the quantum interplay of dark energy and black holes allows for the anti-matter superposition of a Higgs-Boson vector that you are postulating transported you thru an n-dimensional carbon lattice and got you stuck in the hunny tree . . . just sayin'."
Jimmy-The-Bull lay sprawled in a puddle of his own blood, which spread out like a bright-red Rorschach test, in which Detective Williams had so far identified a butterfly, a puppy and the Eiffel tower, but was vaguely disappointed that there was nothing resembling Jimmys trademark bull, although the coroner had seen a giraffe, which he claimed was close enough, since it was also a ruminant.
Big Bertha was a giant artillery piece used by the Germans that could hurl shells as big as a horse and cart causing horrific death and destruction over a distance of six miles which is why General Blithering, a brilliant English tactician, established his HQ some seven miles from the front as he preferred not to risk damage to his antique Spode china tea set with the hand-painted blue willow pattern.
Even in the noisy gloom of the Oyster's Pearl, the most frequented bar in town, Sergeant Pete Harrison spotted her the moment she walked in--the young, tall blonde in a tight red dress that clung to her the way those stringy bits stick to a banana after you peel it.
Phoebe sighed happily as she read the text from Mark asking her to be "friends with benefits," as she thought maybe, just maybe, she would finally get that 401k and dental insurance.
The professor had constantly warned his protégé about the time travel related risks of meeting a past version of yourself or killing your grandfather, but unfortunately he'd never mentioned the worst time machine risk of all -- sticking your head out of the window.
In preparation for visits by African dignitaries, we had redecorated the West Wing of the White House in an African motif with numerous artificial plants and animals, but the President asked that we remove the papier-mache wildebeests, saying he was "tired of fake gnus."