Back when I was debating castration, I worried a lot that if I became a eunuch it wouldn't be enough, that I'd then have to go nullo. Now, 3 years post castration, that's where I find myself. I'm certain I want to go nullo somewhere down the line--sooner rather than later--but I'm wondering if the pressing need to mod oneself ever stops. After nullification, will I then want a vagina? Will I one day want to cut off one of my hands? Will I want to do subdermal implants? I know this isn't true for everybody of course, but has anybody had that experience of NEEDING mod after mod after mod (kinda like tattoos, but more serious and more addicting)?

I've been satisfied and not sought or felt I need to do anything else since the amputation of my penis 3 years ago. The only thing I wish I had done differently was had it removed at the root instead of where it was taken. I may go ask that to be revised one day, as I still have some dysphoria over that, however I'm currently happy that what I see in the mirror every morning is a flat crotch, with an absence of male genitals on it. Now that my genitals have been about 95% amputated, I've not had any desire to amputate anything else. I feel my body is complete and as it should have been at birth.

This is only my personal case. I cannot speak for what result would happen for yourself or others. In my case, it seems to have mostly given me peace with my dysphoria. I've not had any suicidal feelings since my penectomy, and I no longer hate myself.

--LT

Qunuch81 (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:56 pm Back when I was debating castration, I worried a lot that if I became a eunuch it wouldn't be enough, that I'd then have to go nullo. Now, 3 years post castration, that's where I find myself. I'm certain I want to go nullo somewhere down the line--sooner rather than later--but I'm wondering if the pressing need to mod oneself ever stops. After nullification, will I then want a vagina? Will I one day want to cut off one of my hands? Will I want to do subdermal implants? I know this isn't true for everybody of course, but has anybody had that experience of NEEDING mod after mod after mod (kinda like tattoos, but more serious and more addicting)?

Nipples always seem to be next. A further desexualization.

After my bilateral orchiectomy, I feel extremely happy and comfortable in my body. Occasionally, I still fantasize about removing the remainder of my spermatic cord and prostate, putting them in a blender, microwaving them, and flushing them down the toilet. Given how severe and recent my dysphoria was, that's honestly to be expected.

I would probably feel more comfortable as a nullo, but I am reluctant to trust a surgeon with such a complicated procedure when there is so little documentation and precedence available. After hearing that Losethem suffered from infection and urinary strictures, and that he still has some nitpicks about his surgery, after going to one of the most acclaimed SRS surgeons in the US... plus with Adam Curlykale's horror story on the side... I am currently feeling particularly dissuaded. With an orchiectomy, I was able to watch examples of the procedure on YouTube, and had access to more textbooks and research papers about the technique than I could read. I wish I had that for nullification.

However, I certainly intend to do the letter dance and at least consult with an appropriate surgeon, assuming I can become financially independent and afford to have surgery done under my own prerogative. I would certainly be a troublesome and time-consuming patient, and at the very least, insist that the procedure be done under local or spinal only and that I be allowed to watch it in detail. Whether I go through with it would mostly depend on how accommodating and capable the surgeon seemed. But that may be a story for five years from now, as I still need to find a source of income.

I think the key to your concern (about whether you'll continue with further modifications) is you need to understand your actual motivation. Here is a list of some of the types of motivations I've seen:

- Some people are dealing with a gender identity aspect with idea of becoming "female" to various degrees, and for those they would likely continue to be interested in "mods" that further feminize -- such as getting a vagina, enlarging breasts and so forth.

- Some people are dealing with a gender identity aspect with idea of becoming "asexual", and for those people they are usually quite content once they have achieved their castration or nullification without interest in any other further extreme body modifciation.

- Some people are dealing with an "aesthetic dysmorphia" where they are interested in creating something that looks a specific way or maybe something that looks unusual/shocking -- such a person may indeed just keep going with other amputations and such (I would say Adam Curlykale is in this category as not only was he interested in nullification, but wants ribs removed, tattooed his eyes, bleached his beard, and so forth). If you're already really into tattoos and piercings and also interested in nullification then you might be this type.

- Some people are ashamed of something about their sexuality, often either because they are gay or because they are sex addicts (or maybe because they have a sexually criminal interest such as rape or pedophilia) and seek to rid themselves of their sex drives and/or ability to complete the sex act. This is my category. Such people usually stop either by getting proper psychological help, or once their genitals are removed. They have no interest in other modifications.

- Some people are into submission and see being castrated as part of that, like some sort of chastity, or else they associate a cock and balls with male dominance and so want to "give that up" as a token of their submission. You'll often hear such folk discussing offering up their genitals, or having them removed in some sort of ceremony. These people may continue other mods along the same sort of theme -- such as getting branded.

- Some people have fetishized the act of being castrated but are not actually interested in the state of being a eunuch. You know you're this type if you have specific ideas about how you want to be castrated. For a while on this forum there was a guy who was obsessed with being castrated by a woman who had her sleeves rolled up. The sleeves being rolled up was all he could talk about. Such people often never even go through with actual castration, but will skirt around it getting CBT or just obsessing over the fantasy.

While it isn't always wise to label people, I think it can also be useful to look for patterns especially since the original poster was concerned about where his pattern of behavior was taking him.

So figure out what type you are and that will help you bound your concern about whether you'll continue with further modifications.

I don't know you at all, but your brief description makes me think that you're already realizing you might be in the "aesthetic" category. I say this because your worry belies it, plus you specifically mention dermal implants and tattoos. The most telling this is that you even consider castration to be a "mod". For people who are transitioning identity it isn't just a "mod" but rather a "correction", for people who are seeking relieve from sex addiction it is a "cure", for submissive types it is an "offering", etc.

So sorry but I think you may indeed be at risk for further modification. Now I only say "at risk" because you seem worried about the prospect. However, there are plenty of people who do some serious body mods and seem to be pretty happy with it and otherwise well adjusted. But I do understand being concerned about it too. I guess you need to decide if you are indeed prone to it and then you need to figure out where it is coming from . For example, some people are modifying themselves due to some sort of self-rejection (i.e. a true dysmorphia). However, others are simply artistically inclined and enjoy presenting an edgy persona. You gotta sort that out.

For myself I am so happy as a eunuch that my desire to go all the way nullified has diminished a lot to where I can be content if this is as far as I am ever able to go. This said I could still very much go null if the possibility arises.

SplitDik, thanks for your feedback. A good breakdown. I definitely see it as being about body modification in my case. For a while I considered myself genderqueer, but then I realized, no...no...I'm a man, just a man without balls. There was some dysphoria mixed in because I didn't like having balls, but it wasn't gender dysphoria per se. There's an element of sexual fetishization, but my main interest was and is the result rather than the procedure (though watching videos of castration does turn me on...as long as they're not too bloody).

I have always been interested in body mods, and when my therapist suggested my interest in going nullo was about that rather than gender or one of the other reasons you listed above, something clicked. I have a few tattoos and piercings, and I imagine I could go farther, so you're probably right, this is aesthetic. At the moment, I'm in a frame of mind where that doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm getting better at self-acceptance.

Hey Qunuch81, I'm a eunuch from severe post vasectomy orchalgia. In pre op, minutes before my nuts were being removed, I had a massive hardon! I really freaked out that I was turned on by being castrated. The theatre staff were very good to me. I have a 1/2" prince albert piercing, left nipple piercing and 6 penis beads, all of which i've done myself. I have a proffesional pubic 'flames tattoo', shaved pubes. I had my prosthetic balls removed and because the doctors flatly refused, I banded and cut off my scrotum. It needed tidying up in hospital. I'm really happy with the look and feel of fresh air under my cock, cos I really look and feel like a eunuch. no mistaking it. I wonder if I didnt want to be a eunuch all along or if its is the way things panned out. I'm trt and still a boy

Yes, it seems a so frequent progression here: first a desire to be castrated, then lose a scrotum, then some kind of nullo.

That few seem to say they want nullo at the outset, I wonder if starting the sequence causes or encourages progression to removal of all.

It seems to generally bring contentment when done, and is generally safe -if temporarily uncomfortable.

Perhaps it should be more acceptable in public?

I was castrated almost exactly a year ago and chose to have the empty scrotum removed soon afterwards. Once done I assumed I would continue much as before dating mostly girls and perhaps an occasional feminine boy and that sexually I would perform the same but just look a bit different. Well things didn't work out that way at all, the testosterone replacement wasn't successful and I am now somewhat feminized and not able to get an erection. My penis has lost a lot of it's original size and could be more accurately described now as a cock stub. When my partner suggested recently why not have it removed and go completely smooth, rather than being alarmed by the idea I found it rather appealing. I've got no plans to go ahead with it at the moment but perhaps in a year or two..., the only thing that puts me off is the complexity or the surgery involved and the longish recovery period required afterwards, unlike when I had my nuts taken out and was up and running in less than week.