(Mostly) limp and numb
Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:40 pm
I've been a eunuch since June 2015. I use 2 pumps of Androgel every morning, and until recently it's kept my body and sexual functioning operating (as far as I can tell) at pre-castration levels.
Over the past year or so I've developed mixed feelings about my penis. I fantasized a lot about impotence, but didn't want to cut back on T because I was worried about the other nasty effects of androgen deprivation. Even so, I noticed that my relationship to my penis was changing. I became less interested in using it during sex. I'd stroke it purely because that was what I needed to do in order to get off. I became interested in prostate orgasms. Haven't had one yet, but still working on it!
Now here's the strange thing. The past few days, my penis has been feeling kind of numb. I noticed last night that it was a lot more difficult to get an erection, and when I did, it was a weak one. I managed to get off without too much trouble, but the orgasm was less intense than usual. Furthermore, I've become aware of my penis in a way I've never been before. It feels like a dead thing hanging there. Loose flesh.
My doctor told me last week that my T-levels were low (200s), but I haven't cut back on my Androgel. Yet even if I had, my pre-castration T-levels were high 200s, so it seems unlikely that my current level would produce such a change in my functioning.
I kind of like it and kind of don't. I like it because I like the idea of shifting the focus of my erotic energy from my dick to my prostate. I suspect the "don't" is simply coming from a place of fear...the old fear of change. I have been thinking pretty seriously lately about going nullo, so this may be a good intermediary step.
Not sure what I'm asking, or even if I'm asking anything. Thoughts? Commiserations? War stories?
Over the past year or so I've developed mixed feelings about my penis. I fantasized a lot about impotence, but didn't want to cut back on T because I was worried about the other nasty effects of androgen deprivation. Even so, I noticed that my relationship to my penis was changing. I became less interested in using it during sex. I'd stroke it purely because that was what I needed to do in order to get off. I became interested in prostate orgasms. Haven't had one yet, but still working on it!
Now here's the strange thing. The past few days, my penis has been feeling kind of numb. I noticed last night that it was a lot more difficult to get an erection, and when I did, it was a weak one. I managed to get off without too much trouble, but the orgasm was less intense than usual. Furthermore, I've become aware of my penis in a way I've never been before. It feels like a dead thing hanging there. Loose flesh.
My doctor told me last week that my T-levels were low (200s), but I haven't cut back on my Androgel. Yet even if I had, my pre-castration T-levels were high 200s, so it seems unlikely that my current level would produce such a change in my functioning.
I kind of like it and kind of don't. I like it because I like the idea of shifting the focus of my erotic energy from my dick to my prostate. I suspect the "don't" is simply coming from a place of fear...the old fear of change. I have been thinking pretty seriously lately about going nullo, so this may be a good intermediary step.
Not sure what I'm asking, or even if I'm asking anything. Thoughts? Commiserations? War stories?