Why We Love Children
Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2002 5:55 pm
WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to
spank you!!"
Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
of water?"
________________________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect
to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in an out and keep slamming
the door until St. Peter says,
'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_________________________________________________
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about
to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in
his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's
room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice: "The big sissy."
_________________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,
for the children's sermon. All the children were invited
to come forward. One little girl was wearing a
particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly
into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
_________________________________________________
When I was six months pregnant with my third child,
my three year old came into the room when I was just
getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
________________________________________________
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was sa ying and gasped,
"What are you doing?" The little boy answered,
"I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your
teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the
teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in
math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the
teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
_________________________________________________
One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little to her
class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling,
the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the
class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl
raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes!
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to
spank you!!"
Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
of water?"
________________________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect
to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in an out and keep slamming
the door until St. Peter says,
'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_________________________________________________
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about
to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in
his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's
room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice: "The big sissy."
_________________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,
for the children's sermon. All the children were invited
to come forward. One little girl was wearing a
particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly
into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
_________________________________________________
When I was six months pregnant with my third child,
my three year old came into the room when I was just
getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
________________________________________________
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was sa ying and gasped,
"What are you doing?" The little boy answered,
"I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your
teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the
teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in
math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the
teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
_________________________________________________
One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little to her
class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling,
the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the
class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl
raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes!