DeaconBlues (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:03 am Everyone here will tell you "your mileage may vary" (commonly abbreviated to "YMMV"). When I self administered depo provera, I was absolutely chemically castrated, no erections no matter what I tried (looking at porn, fantasizing, rubbing, etc.) I loved the experience and I had the added benefit of not needing to shave every day, I was shaving a little "five o'clock shadow" about once a month. That said, when I was chemically castrated I wanted even more to be with someone, not sexually, but just not to be alone. For me, I would have described myself as actually very vulnerable to anyone who would have shown any affection towards me because I more than ever wanted to feel, to embrace another person. You know how you feel when you embrace, caress or touch someone, maybe even a pet cat or dog that you have absolutely no sexual interest in, but it still feels soothing to pet your cat and listen to her purring, well I felt like that only stronger, but with no sexual desire or even thoughts of sex. For me, it was wonderful. But I must strongly emphasize that this was my experience of it, you might be very different. Almost every other person's account of castration, either chemical or surgical, that I have read tells of a severe depression following castration, I never had that depression myself, quite the opposite, I felt a tremendous relief from pressure, a great calmness even when contemplating things that had previously agitated me quite a bit, I even quit smoking from a pack a day habit to quit cold turkey in one day with no "nic fits" or anything. There were however momentary feelings of acute loneliness and times when I would feel so strongly that I "wish I had said 'I love you' more often," just typical maudlin junk I guess. Again, I really cannot overstate the fact that every individual is unique, and their response to castration will be unique to them - my own accounts (or anyone else's for that matter) of the experience are really not going to help you that much.

So, to directly answer your question is actually impossible, only you can know what you will feel after chemical castration. For me, I clearly would have been very eager to engage in any caressing, kissing and any foreplay and such if I had a willing female who wanted me to do that for her, but as for any sexual activity that involved an erection on my part that would have been completely impossible. And for YOU it might not be impossible, some men are able to fine tune their testosterone levels to the point that they do sometimes get erect when giving enough stimulation. I hope my answer helps, but the most important thing I can tell you is that your experience with be unique to you, you might have similar experiences to mine, and I hope you do.

DeaconBlues (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 07, 2017 12:59 pm The depo provera will only block or suppress testosterone, it won't do much to feminize you, but you really should take a minimum "maintainer dose" of estrogen to minimize the chance of osteoporosis. It seems just plain counter productive to me to get (elective) chemical or surgical castration and then take supplemental testosterone, but a lot of people do that - why take on external testosterone when you go to the trouble of getting rid of your own testosterone in the first place? I suppose a minimum "maintainer dose" of testosterone to minimize osteoporosis and NOT feminize is the logic of it, but really, I would put up with the feminization and take estrogen instead. While I was on depo provera I did also take estradiol and I did notice tenderness in my breasts and a very slight growth in them, but that side effect was quite acceptable for me when counterbalanced against the risks of osteoporosis, and as I said, being testosterone free felt wonderful to me, even if I had breast growth I would myself stick with the supplemental estrogen. I cannot tell you how toxic the effect of testosterone is, you have to experience a testosterone free life for yourself and then you will (I hope) have the same feeling of calmness and relief. For example, before chemical castration I got home at the end of the day very stressed and "angry at the world," after chemical castration I never got angry while driving (even in traffic jams), got home at the end of the day just happy and relieved, and again, I QUIT SMOKING - cold turkey! For the benefit of quitting smoking alone it would be worth it! Now WHY in the world would I take even a minimum dose of testosterone after that, and risk being so damn tense all over again?

IF you do go through with it, and try the chemical castration, you might want to tell your wife beforehand and tell her you MIGHT have some emotional and personality changes and be sure she is prepared for it if you suddenly become a lot more prone to staying in at night, cuddling every chance you can, and being a bit more dependent emotionally on her (maudlin maybe?) Of course it seems that a lot of other men react differently than I did, so maybe you don't want to tell your wife - I really don't know you and your personality, and I don't know anything of your wife's personality. I never have ever told my wife, she is very narrow minded about things like that and temperamental about damn near everything.

Oh, by the way, even if you don't tell her, she will know something is different simply by your body odor that will change. I became much more sensitive to any odors and I shamefully noticed my own body odor - especially on t-shirts and my bedding. I HAD to wash my sheets and pillow cases two days after the first injection because the SMELL! It was like sticking my face in a urinal every time I went to bed! It was one of those horrible "OH MY GAWD!" moments when I realized I had been emitting testosterone in my body odor. I suppose women are not so repulsed by the smell of it, but I cannot imagine that your wife and other women will not notice the conspicuous lack of that odor from you.

JesusA (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 07, 2017 5:44 pm It only happens once a year and is coming up very soon, but you and your wife might want to consider coming to the annual gathering of the clan outside Minneapolis (the annual MoM). A lot of your questions could be answered quickly and with accurate information by the gathered group. It's largely a social gathering of like-minded people, but there is a tremendous amount of information flowing.

JesusA (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 07, 2017 8:02 pm This year will be the twelfth annual gathering in Minneapolis. The heart of the gathering will be on Saturday and Sunday, August 19th and 20th at the home of Talula and Gem in a suburb of Minneapolis. Some of us like to arrive early, so Kristoff will have a BBQ for the early group on Thursday, August 17th. (We always find some group activity for the Friday.) All members of the Eunuch Archive community are invited, though we need to have numbers for planning.

If you are interested in attending this year, send a Private Message to either Kristoff or me for exact times and locations. We're always happy to see new faces.