shameless old jokes and I do mean old
Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 7:55 pm
Question: How do you get a viola player to play tremolo?
Answer: Mark the passage "solo"
A piano player has a pet monkey and keeps him claimed to he upright next to the bar. One Saturday night, the money pees in one of the patron's (A drunk man) beer. SO the drunk turns to the paint player and says:
"Hey fellow, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer!"
and the piano player says: "No but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it."
There are a number of compositions in the standard repertoire that composers died before finishing. One of the more brilliant pieces of music left incomplete is Schubert's brilliant "Unfinished Symphony" that has only the two opening movements. PDQ Bach also has an unfinished work titled the "Unbegun Symphony" because he was born to late to compose the first two movements.
You know what an ALBERTI BASS is in music -- that's when you take a chord and rather than playing all the notes in the chord at once as accompaniment, the player breaks the chord into its notes like an arpeggio. Well, PDQ Bach developed this technique for the pedal board of the Organ and he called it the Tootsie Roll.
A second story about the very musical adventures of PD! Bach is that he was renowned for his fine wigs. PDQ Bach spared no expense and wore the finest, the absolute finest of wigs and was envied by royalty and commoner alike.
It seems that one day during a raging hot session of Trio Sonata's with the Archduke's Trio. Well, the violinist broke his G-String. PDQ Bach, in order to save the Archduke's concert gallantly offered a hair from his wig to replace the G-string. The violinist finished the Trio Sonata with a Bach's hair as a G-string. (You may hiss)
Did you know what if a bagpiper says that he has been playing for 20 years that he's been tuning up for ten and playing off key for the other ten?
And those daggers (Skean Dhu in our spelling or sgian-dubh in Scottish) that Scotsmen wear in their hose-tops are for slitting the stomachs of the horses of the British in war when the horses are trampling them under-hoof.
(none of those are originally mine. All of them are stolen)
Answer: Mark the passage "solo"
A piano player has a pet monkey and keeps him claimed to he upright next to the bar. One Saturday night, the money pees in one of the patron's (A drunk man) beer. SO the drunk turns to the paint player and says:
"Hey fellow, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer!"
and the piano player says: "No but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it."
There are a number of compositions in the standard repertoire that composers died before finishing. One of the more brilliant pieces of music left incomplete is Schubert's brilliant "Unfinished Symphony" that has only the two opening movements. PDQ Bach also has an unfinished work titled the "Unbegun Symphony" because he was born to late to compose the first two movements.
You know what an ALBERTI BASS is in music -- that's when you take a chord and rather than playing all the notes in the chord at once as accompaniment, the player breaks the chord into its notes like an arpeggio. Well, PDQ Bach developed this technique for the pedal board of the Organ and he called it the Tootsie Roll.
A second story about the very musical adventures of PD! Bach is that he was renowned for his fine wigs. PDQ Bach spared no expense and wore the finest, the absolute finest of wigs and was envied by royalty and commoner alike.
It seems that one day during a raging hot session of Trio Sonata's with the Archduke's Trio. Well, the violinist broke his G-String. PDQ Bach, in order to save the Archduke's concert gallantly offered a hair from his wig to replace the G-string. The violinist finished the Trio Sonata with a Bach's hair as a G-string. (You may hiss)
Did you know what if a bagpiper says that he has been playing for 20 years that he's been tuning up for ten and playing off key for the other ten?
And those daggers (Skean Dhu in our spelling or sgian-dubh in Scottish) that Scotsmen wear in their hose-tops are for slitting the stomachs of the horses of the British in war when the horses are trampling them under-hoof.
(none of those are originally mine. All of them are stolen)