Introduction -- nullification wannabe
Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 7:56 pm
Hello, everyone. I'd like to introduce myself. I have been a lurker on this website for many years (the last half of my "nickname" AKLURKER). I have finally come to the point that I want to "come out of the closet" and join this EA community in a more open fashion. I am an older married man with a long term fixation on castration and nullification that I have put off for years. This is becoming increasingly a distraction and a frustration to me, and I am becoming more sure that eventually I will make the decision to undergo a phased nullification. I have been "pretending," actually modeling a nullification for about six months, tucking my "stuff" up with a gaff. I am happy when I am "tucked up," and i feel disappointment when I have to "take myself down" to urinate. I am pretty well informed about these issues. I will start this summer by undergoing a "chemical" castration, which I plan will last for at least a year -- but which will be reversible if I find that I don't like the results. I suspect that I already have a low testosterone level. I have a weak sex drive, can't maintain a decent erection, and have very little odor to my modest axillary sweat. But I'll be checking my testosterone this coming week before starting the testosterone reducing treatment. If I persist with this for the the full year, I'll seek first castration, then perineal urethral rerouting, then ultimately penectomy. Based on other posts on this Forum, I am assuming that the above surgical procedures will be available to me, and I am fortunate that I will be able to afford the cost of going to a well trained urologist for the surgery.
I have some experience with the issue of voluntary body modifications. I have also had a life long fascination with amputation. (I am told that these two fixations are often linked.) After extensive psychiatric and psychological counseling ,which concluded that other than for my BIID I had no psychopathology (and which had essentially no impact on my desire to be an amputee), I underwent a voluntary RAK amputation 5 1/2 years ago (hence the first part of my "nickname" AKLURKER. I am very happy with my amputation, and this experience has increased my conviction that I DO know what I want and that I will be happy with my final nullification.
There are complications. First of all, I have been happily married to my wonderful wife for 55 years, and I have children and grandchildren. But my marriage has been sexless for at least 25 years. My wife, after initial concern and hesitation before my amputation, became and has continued to be tremendously supportive of me since. Bringing her along with this other fixation is an ongoing process. Second, I guess that I still have some doubts that I want to resolve along the way of my above planned gradual approach. But there are parallels with my decision to proceed with amputation. The caution was always, "You know that you can't go back." I finally realized that if I didn't do anything, the opposite was true. "If you don't do anything, you can't go forward." So I suspect that I already know the direction of things.
So much for the introduction. I am writing all of this because this is not something that I can discuss anywhere else. I'd be happy to be able to meet some of you that are on or have completed this journey, but more broadly, I want to be able to be open with what I think will be an open-minded and sympathetic crowd. Thanks in advance for reading all of this, and for whatever wisdom, support, and experience you choose to share with me.
AKLURKER
I have some experience with the issue of voluntary body modifications. I have also had a life long fascination with amputation. (I am told that these two fixations are often linked.) After extensive psychiatric and psychological counseling ,which concluded that other than for my BIID I had no psychopathology (and which had essentially no impact on my desire to be an amputee), I underwent a voluntary RAK amputation 5 1/2 years ago (hence the first part of my "nickname" AKLURKER. I am very happy with my amputation, and this experience has increased my conviction that I DO know what I want and that I will be happy with my final nullification.
There are complications. First of all, I have been happily married to my wonderful wife for 55 years, and I have children and grandchildren. But my marriage has been sexless for at least 25 years. My wife, after initial concern and hesitation before my amputation, became and has continued to be tremendously supportive of me since. Bringing her along with this other fixation is an ongoing process. Second, I guess that I still have some doubts that I want to resolve along the way of my above planned gradual approach. But there are parallels with my decision to proceed with amputation. The caution was always, "You know that you can't go back." I finally realized that if I didn't do anything, the opposite was true. "If you don't do anything, you can't go forward." So I suspect that I already know the direction of things.
So much for the introduction. I am writing all of this because this is not something that I can discuss anywhere else. I'd be happy to be able to meet some of you that are on or have completed this journey, but more broadly, I want to be able to be open with what I think will be an open-minded and sympathetic crowd. Thanks in advance for reading all of this, and for whatever wisdom, support, and experience you choose to share with me.
AKLURKER