A Scottish Joke

[Andrew (imported)]

A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary. From

his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched,

sewn, and is currently split down one side. He asks the proprietor, "How much

to replace this, Ian?" The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'll be four pence."

Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?" The prop. looks the condom over

carefully, and says, "Three pence to repair." The Scotsman ponders for a moment,

then says, "I'll be back."

Later in the day, the Scotsman returns with a smile on his face and says,

"Ian, the Regiment has voted to repair!"

[Mac (imported)]

Another Scotish Joke

What is the difference between a ritch Scotsman and a poor Scotsman?

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A ritch Scotsman has a canopy over his bed and a poor Scotsman has a can-a-pee under his bed.

[Andrew (imported)]

A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the

waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all,

the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.

The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:

"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."