“Ace Hardware: No screwing, just lots of screws.”

“Ace Hardware: Nail your roof, not your partner.”

“Ace Hardware: For when it really is just a hammer in your pocket”

“Ace Hardware: Erecting buildings, not your penis”

“Ace Hardware: Where nuts aren’t genetalia”

“Ace Hardware: The hammer is not our penis. Its just a hammer.”

“Ace Hardware: Where muff, is short for muffler”

“Ace Hardware: Yes that is a hammer, but we’re still happy to see you.”

“Ace Hardware: You can get Off™ in our repellent aisle”

“Ace Hardware: Hoes are for the garden.”