Hello everybody,

I've been following this site for a while and I thought to share my feelings with you.

Forgive my poor English, I'm from Italy.

I've been suffering from major depression for at least 10 years, since I was 16.

For 7 years I've battled against bulimia nervosa as well.

Sex played a big part in this. I always knew my problem was rooted in a sexual conflict, but I could never come up with the exact issue.

I used to think I could be gay, but I'm not.

Neither I'm transexual, even if I tried to follow that route (the doctors told me my desire for SRS was a result of my depression).

How did I know that sex was the root of my eating disorder?

Easy. I would binge and purge right after masturbating.

I've always been ashamed of my sexual desires. I have so much envy for those people who have a healthy sex life.

My libido increases my depression. I usually feel very miserable after orgasm, even with my partner.

God knows how many times I wished I had no libido. The antidepressants didn't do anything on me (I tried 3 or 4 different SSRI).

3 years ago the most wonderful girl got into my life. I stopped binging and purging.

I have someone beside me that supports me. But, right now, my depression is stronger than ever.

I'd be all too glad to take my own life, but I can't leave her alone. As problematic as I am, she needs me.

Why do I want castration?

Because life for me is a living nightmare. I go out and think of sex all the time. All these girls in their summer clothes, I think I'm going crazy (well, it's a short ride ). I spend hours watching porn and I can't go on like this.

I've considered every possibility.

And the only realistic thing to do is go surgical. But no doctor here would ever consider cutting off two healthy testicles.

So I guess I'll have to go DIY.

I studied as a nurse, and even if I am a total failure, I know a couple of things.

The only thing I'm worried about is that I couldn't get any local anesthetic, so it's gonna hurt like hell.

I'll have to do a quick cut.

The positive thing is that, living in Italy, I won't have to worry about medical bills.

Wish me luck on that.

Please do some research on the effects of castration before you do any cutting. Some have reported that castration can actually cause depression, so you could be making things worse, and if that happens, you can't just sew your testicles back on. Also, try to get professional help for your depression if you can. Finally, if, after researching everything, you conclude that you need to reduce your testosterone, try to do a trial run with chemical castration first to see how it goes. You can suppress testosterone production from your testicles without cutting them off, and it's a lot safer than do-it-yourself surgery.

Best wishes.

Sandi

I'll be starting with Androcur soon. But chemical castration is not an option. It's expensive, and I'm unemployed. It will do for a trial run though. Luckily, mi girlfriend is TS, so I can get some Androcur.

As to the depression... It can't get any worse. I guess castration causes depression in individuals who did not choose it (prostate/testicular cancer patients), or in those who chose it to enact some sexual fantasy.

It is true that castration against someones wish could make them feel miserable. But you should be aware that Testosterone acts as emotional blocker, that makes you feel more stable in emotional situations. Without Testosterone you will be more emotional. Much harder to control your emotions. You could be much more easily be emotionally destroyed. Chemical castration is a good way to feel if castration is for you. And how it affects you. Wheteher you are able to cope with negative sides which is very different person to person.

Good luck!

I totally disagree about testosterone being an "emotional blocker making you more stable in emotional situations". This is simply not so from what I've seen. Why is it that the eunuch is the most stable? And like women the "cry" can come

later.

If you have depression, bulimia castration will bad for you. As you have bulimia you will fat after orchiectomy.

Before you take anti-androgens or castrate your self you need to fix other problems like bulimia or other problems as after being castrated they will still be with you as not having testosterone or balls will not make your problems go away it could execrate them.

_g

So I've been on Androcur (i.e. Cyproterone Acetate, I don't know if it has a different name in the USA) for 3 weeks and... Boy, do I feel good!

I've been taking a 100 mg tablet every day, before bedtime. Apart from a slightly increased emotional lability, being testosterone-free feels terrific!

My libido has dropped considerably, I have more time for myself, and most of all I am much much calmer. My girlfriend is super-supportive.

I'm just a bit worried that the lack of sex might someday become an issue for her, even if she repeatedly assured me it won't.

Gonna wait till fall to act "surgically".