So, yesterday i was supposed to meet for the first time with the gender therapist, but he got sick and had to postpone. Seriously depressing.

Today, however, i had my first visit with my new doctor, who is a specialist in gender issues with a particular interest in non-binary folk. i explained that i'm best described as a "transmasculine neutrois." i was totally honest with her about the meds i have taken on my own to try and kill the testicles attached to me, etc. Told her my history and feelings. By the end of our visit, she was 100% on board with my castration and penile inversion!!!!!

She's saying it will likely be much easier to do the orchiectomy first, and then pursue the unusual (i.e. not having labia, etc.) inversion. Can do the orchiectomy locally, but will likely have to travel for the rest, where there's a surgeon who will do the operation on overweight people like me. She predicts i will only need a few visits with the therapist, and as soon as he grants a letter to recommend proceeding, she will write hers, and i can see the surgeon to get rid of the balls attached to me. i know it probably sounds weird to most people, but i'm still damn near giddy with happiness over this!! Can't wait to finally have things taken care of!!

Congrats! Nice to hear that sometimes doctors will listen and understand.

Wow, congrats!! Sounds exciting! Look forward to hearing your progress.

Awesome!

Thanks, all! i did finally get in to see the gender therapist, explained my neutrois gender identity, and talked at length about my dysphoria with the genitals attached to me. i think he's very clear that it's a serious issue, and they need to come off. Like my doctor, he encouraged me to go forward in the short term with an orchiectomy from a local surgeon, and then consult with a surgeon who is willing to do the more major surgery for non-binary gender folks (as opposed to complete MTFs). That will not only demonstrate to the surgeon that i'm serious, but also help lay groundwork for insurance coverage approval. The gender therapist was very pleased to learn that i've been working with a "regular" therapist for two years, and plan on continuing with him, since that means i have the mental health aspect in good hands. His primary concern now is making sure that i am giving fully informed consent, so issues related to that will still need to be discussed. He set two more appointments with me, on 6/22 and 7/7. He sounded as if i should be able to get a letter for the orchiectomy after that, but we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, i have additional good news from the doctor. i had already cut down to half the directed dose when i first saw her, yet my testosterone test result was 471. After getting that result, i explained to her that at this point, every erection is just a reminder of the excess tissue that doesn't belong, and i would like to eliminate that stress. With a testosterone level of 471, it made sense to me to go ahead and reduce it further, since i was only at 215 (and still getting erections, etc.) when i started shots over 3 years ago. She responded that i should go ahead and taper off and then discontinue my testosterone shots. As of last Thursday's dose, i dropped to 1/4 of the initial dose. i will do one more injection at that level on the 26th, and then discontinue testosterone altogether. i will be visiting her at the office on the 23rd, when we will discuss ways to stave off some of the more serious consequences, such as osteoporosis. i believe i've read from some on this forum that a very low dose of estrogen will help with such things, and even give some libido (without erections), and i wouldn't mind that at all, so long as i'm on a low enough dose not to end up with breasts, etc. i do want to retain my "masculine" outward appearance. In fact, i experimented a bit with that before, while still on testosterone, and enjoyed the nipple sensitivity that resulted.

All in all, i'm excited to be moving forward!