Help reducing libido?

[jared123 (imported)]

My wife hates sex, we've been married for 6 years and at no point have we averaged intercourse more than once per month, usually once every two months. I'm a young guy, 33 years old, and I am going nuts with sexual urges and would really like to reduce my libido. Is there any chance at all that any doctor would prescribe something to help me without having to see a psychiatrist or go to sexual counseling? I know my wife is not going to change. We've tried all kinds of things and she says it just hurts and she hates having intercourse. There's no changing things on her end. If anything is going to change, it has to be on my end. Any advice?

[jcat (imported)]

Have you tried oral sex and getting her to orgasm without penetration?

[jared123 (imported)]

She refuses to do oral. Only once when we were first married did she let me do that. She thinks it's wrong and disgusting. I can get her off just fine with my fingers (she's okay with that). But none of that makes her want sex more. She enjoys it for the moment, but never really desires it. If I didn't beg her for weeks on end, she could probably go the rest of her life without sex and be perfectly happy. I, on the other hand, have a high libido and have struggled with our lack of a sex life. I find masturbation boring and unsatisfying. I have been faithful to her through the years, but am getting really tired of the struggle and don't want to cheat on her. I would rather diminish my libido than be tempted to do something dumb like messing around with somebody else.

[smoothie36 (imported)]

There are anti-androgen meds available that might help.

[jared123 (imported)]

How accessible are they without having to go through a bunch of counseling and psych stuff? Can my regular physician prescribe it?

[C&TL2745 (imported)]

Before you try something as drastic as altering your body chemistry, there might be ways to negotiate something suitable with your wife. For example, she seems content to have you masturbate her, so would she be okay with masturbating you? I know it's not the same as intercourse, but having someone else masturbate you is at least less boring than doing yourself. Also, there are new treatments available for painful intercourse. Can you get her to see a doctor about that if "pain" isn't just an excuse to avoid intimacy? And in the latter case, getting some counseling together might improve matters. I assume you've thought of some options before jumping to libido reduction, but there may be some you hadn't considered that would be cheaper and more satisfying in the long run. Best wishes either way.

Sandi

[Hash (imported)]

jared,

Listen to Sandi, wise advice indeed. Just so you know jared, a lot (not all) a lot of women do not like intercourse, so you've got to try alternative ways to satisfy each other. If you love each other, you'll both work together to solve this situation. Counseling is also advisable although this subject can be difficult to discuss, but don't be ashamed or embarrassed, counseling and working at your marriage is often better than just divorcing and calling it quits. Listen to someone who knows, "the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence." In other words, it doesn't matter who you marry or live with, everyone has problems/issues that need to be worked out or worked through. You might want to bolt and try someone new and you might find someone better sexually, but I'm sure they'll be some other issue/problem that you'll have to work through. We all have hang-ups and we all do things that can irritate others. If you look for that perfect person, you'll never find her. Personally, I think people give up on relationships way to quickly because they rationalize that there has to be someone better, well, maybe there is, maybe there isn't. Relationships take work, period and you've got to compromise to make things work. Some people never want to compromise and they're usually single, which is not a bad thing if you like being single, otherwise, do some work to cure the sexual problems in your relationships. Okay, I'll stop. Take it for what it's worth, Hash

[jared123 (imported)]

Divorce is not an option. I'm not giving up on our marriage and I know I'm not going to mess around with anyone else. It's just hard dealing with the emotional effects of such infrequent sex. I've let her try masturbating me a few times, but neither of us really liked it. Her hand made my shaft chafe and kind of raw. She's a little too rough and never seemed to be able to get it right. We both decided that was not a viable alternative to intercourse. Oral is out of the question. I would like very much to do oral to her, but she wants no part in it. And we both think putting my penis in her mouth is kind of gross. I find the thought of her putting my filthy penis in her mouth kind of gross (maybe that's how she feels about me giving her oral?). I'm not really sure what else to do.

[ZeuterMe (imported)]

And we both think putting my penis in her mouth is kind of gross. I find the thought of her putting my filthy penis in her mouth kind of gross (maybe that's how she feels about me giving her oral?). I'm not really sure what else to do.

Wash your dick?

[Jezebelle (imported)]

Hi, Jared,

Antiandrogens would reduce your libido, but I think you'd have trouble getting a doctor to prescribe one under the circumstances you've described.

Have you talked about this frankly with your wife? And if so, is there a reason you don't want to consider going to counseling together? Marriage is hard sometimes, and speaking from experience it can get harder when you've got issues to work out in the bedroom. Sometimes a counselor can help you both get a different perspective on what's happening, and help you work out a solution with your spouse. Also, "

she says it just hurts and she hates having intercourse,

" sounds like she could have vaginismus, a health problem which interferes with a woman's ability to enjoy sex. Everyone has a right to get pleasure out of sexuality (I know, that's an ironic claim from a girl who's got a kink about taking away men's pleasure bits). If your wife has a problem which is interfering with her ability to enjoy her sexual self, a professional counselor could help her recognize it and give her a referral to an appropriate care provider.

Anyway, sweetie, best of luck, and I hope things work out for you both.

Jez