Hi all,

I'm new to posting on the forums but have gained invaluable information from reading discussions on these forums particularly regarding chemical castration. This is something I have wanted for a very long time and probably dates back to when I was a teenager and first discovered I could masturbate. I'm 43 years old now and still doing it.

The main reason for me wanting to do this is to stop the pervasive sexual thoughts that cloud my days and nights. The last few years I've been overtaken by online porn, particularly BDSM. Generally involving men being punished and held in confinement and denied sexual release while their dominating mistress controls them totally. So if I was a psychiatrist, it's a fair assumption to make that I'm punishing myself by denying myself any sexual release. I am prone to very compulsive behaviour, and find that when I watch a particular piece of porn, my mind starts thinking of things that are harder and harder and more extreme. When will it end? My deviancy has meant I eventually visit prostitutes to try and emulate the on-screen images in my head (which it never does), and it leaves me full of guilt and self-loathing. I should note that there has been no thoughts of anything to do with children, animals or rape of women, but I want things to stop before that. There is also more to my kinks and fetishes, but I won't go into further detail yet.

I am single, heterosexual and live in Western Australia. I decided to approach a new GP in a clinic I don't normally go to. This was to hopefully make my ability to talk much easier. And it was. I spoke with him, and told him basically everything I've said earlier, and he was very understanding and could see that I'd put a lot of thought and research into what I was planning to do. I told him a psychiatrist was not ideal due to cost and he said that he is willing to see me at regular intervals to check on my progress. He even outlined some of the medications that I could try. I had already had my heart set on Androcur, since it seems to be a popular choice here and more importantly gets the results I'm looking for. I also asked him for a script for Tamoxifen to treat the effects of gynecomastia, which I'm expecting. A plus for me is that Tamoxifen is also sometimes responsible for reducing libido in itself. He also spoke with me about some of the side effects of both meds, but I was happy to cope with any of those. So as a result of the visit I cam away with a form to get benchmark blood tests done, and twice daily 50mg Androcur and 10mg daily Tamoxifen. I couldn't have been happier with the result. A bonus for me is that I'm on a health concession card, so the 100 x 50mg Androcur only costs $6! I have to check in with him after 2 weeks to see how I'm going.

I am already in the process of writing a journal which I hope to post as much as I can on here for others to read and gauge for themselves if this is the right step for them. My journal will be frank and open, writing it as I'm feeling the feelings. I hope that it won't be judged, rather accepted.

Thanks

Did you ever get wise as to the origins of your fetishes ?- chances are ugly stuff did happen to you in childhood / adolescence .

The fact that you have no recollection of any such episodes does not prove it did not happen.

Memories might have been wiped by the offending party ( stuff like that did happen to me )

Getting wise on this will not remove your fantasies, but they will cease to have power over you...

Hi all,

Limp7100 (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:00 am I eventually visit prostitutes to try and emulate the on-screen images in my head (which it never does), and it leaves me full of guilt and self-loathing. I should note that there has been no thoughts of anything to do with children, animals or rape of women, but I want things to stop before that. There is also more to my kinks and fetishes, but I won't go into further detail yet.

Acting out BDSM fantasies ALWAYS yield a result that is different from what you thought it would be. So, that is nothing peculiar; it happens to all of us.

Yet acting out BDSM stuff can be a very powerful way to revisit the past in the NOW, and get a deeper insight ; confronting the dark within, looking & accepting one's shadow side...

Usual, the problem is; where do I find a trustworthy partner for this BDSM experience..

Limp7100 (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:00 am I am already in the process of writing a journal which I hope to post as much as I can on here for others to read and gauge for themselves if this is the right step for them. My journal will be frank and open, writing it as I'm feeling the feelings. I hope that it won't be judged, rather accepted.

Thanks

Fortunately I have found here that anybody will judge you, no matter the reason why one desires being castrated. I have my own step by step posts on chemical castration. I ve been on androcur almost three months now. I´m glad that your results were good.

cocktamer (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 22, 2014 10:57 am Did you ever get wise as to the origins of your fetishes ?- chances are ugly stuff did happen to you in childhood / adolescence .

The fact that you have no recollection of any such episodes does not prove it did not happen.

Memories might have been wiped by the offending party ( stuff like that did happen to me )

Getting wise on this will not remove your fantasies, but they will cease to have power over you...

No there is definitely nothing from my childhood (sexually or harmful anyway) that has contributed to my current state.

Here's the first couple of days of my journal;

Day 0 (20/11/14) – Nervous and apprehensive, but overall happy that I’ve gotten the courage to go through with trialing this. Libido at an 8 or 9 right now. It’s difficult to describe, but the act of doing this is actually a turn on, and I understand that by doing what I’m doing will inevitably remove that turn on, but I’m fine with that. Surfing porn as usual and masturbating as usual. Feelings of guilt I don’t want. Huge headache.

Weight 77.4kg

Masturbated to bondage porn just prior to taking medication. Took about 2 minutes to ejaculate. I have some of my absolute favourite clips that I use in mind when trying to masturbate in future, to really test the progress.

4:25pm Take first 50mg Androcur

Tonight I did something which is a real turn on and may continue to do over the journey as a gauge of sexual level. I wore women’s underwear to bed and will try to go 24/7 with this. The underwear is one of my fetishes and is an extreme turn on for me, so it will be interesting to see how this changes over time.

Day 1 – Overnight many full erections causing sleeplessness. I don’t normally have this problem as I take a pretty decent sleeping tablet. In the morning notice a single small drop of clear fluid at the tip of my penis which I can only describe as precum.

6:30am Take 50mg Androcur

Libido still 8 or 9. Masturbated to porn. 2 minutes to ejaculate, same amount of ejaculate as yesterday.

6:20pm 50mg Androcur + 10mg Tamoxifen (to avoid gynocomastia) – still many erections during the day, seeing a young good looking girl in short skirt or tall, attractive, Amazonian woman. Fantasising that I’m having sex with them or picture them in place of actresses in porn scenes. Wondering what they would do if they knew I was wearing girl’s underwear. Have an erection while writing this. Won’t do anything about it. In fact I’m going to try not to masturbate for at least 3 days, which is normally pretty difficult to do for me.

I won't continue to detail medication taken unless there is a change to any dosages. Currently 2 x 50mg daily Androcur, 10mg daily Tamoxifen.

It is almost certain that childhood experiences neither good or bad could not cause gender dysphoria, homosexuality or other similar deviations from normal, heterosexual behaviour.

We think this way because usually during childhood or adolescence we have discovered our deviations by some triggering event, that has awaken sleeping sexuality in us. If we were normal heterosexuals we never reacted sexually to these events we think have changed us for ever.

For the same reason it is not possible to turn gays into heterosexuals or change our identifying gender.

Day 2 – Libido 7 or 8 now. Still many erections overnight, but less than the night before. Still early so don’t know if this is a sign of things to come.

Not sure if it’s too early for this sort of reaction or it could be placebo effect. I feel sort of clouded in my thoughts. If I try and focus on a sexual situation, my thoughts quickly change to something else or nothing at all. I’m also finding when looking at women in magazines, I’m seeing some masculinity or non-femininity I guess in their features. Not as arousing as usual. Still occasional erections.

Played sport today and performed extremely badly. Unable to focus on the ball. I’m hoping that this will fade with time.

Day 3 – Libido 6 or 7. Few erections overnight. Still able to give myself an erection by watching porn or stimulation. Not many erections during the day, but it’s been a really busy and tiring weekend for me anyway. Not a lot of time to think about too much. Fantasising about ways to test out my sexual response, so I’m guessing that things are still progressing slowly. No need to rush these things. No masturbation since the morning of Day 1.

Day 4 – Libido 7 or 8. Few erections overnight. Wearing stockings and suspenders during the night to test how I’m going. Was less interested than I have been in the past. Masturbated in the morning, usual time taken, but a lot more ejaculate than usual and more watery than normal. Will now try to go 7 days without.

After castration, my bad thoughts and sexual misbehavior ceased totally. Now I can enjoy life as I am not constantly at war with myself. Eunuch calm.