I have spent my whole life hiding, having learned from a young age that my experiences are not viewed upon with respect in the social context to which I was born. I swore to silence as a method of self-preservation; if they never saw me, then they could never degrade me, pathologize me, invalidate me, erase me.

All those years in complete isolation. Hiding the true nature of my pain behind more "acceptable" labels and paradigms of experience and self-identity. I poured over what remains of historical accounts, filtered through the often unsympathetic views of the modern-day scholar. I knew that people who felt as I did, who struggled so intensely as I did with our particular brand of mind-body incongruence, have always existed - but I never came across a single living breathing one who identified themselves openly to me as such. After all, how could they? How could we even find the words that could do justice to the integrity of our experience, void of the judgmental connotations many candidate words have inevitably taken on? How could we first un-learn the self-hate and self-erasure that was drilled into us from the moment we began interacting with this social context?

I apologize if my tendency to speak in abstractions is off-putting. I am here to learn to trust again. What I have observed thus far, sees a warm, safe community where I can finally be free to be myself, and let myself to be known. Without the need for endless justification to fit impossible standards; without the need for fear. I hope I am not mistaken.

I am so glad to have found you. Please, do not be shy to approach me, if you feel so inclined.

Welcome, thesmallone. This is indeed a friendly place and has been a source of great help for me over the years. I wish you well and I will look out for your posts. From your profile we may have a lot in common.

Welcome to the Zoo. We try very hard to keep this a very friendly and supportive site for a wide variety of sex and gender related topics. While the focus is, of course, on testicles and testosterone, our regular members cover a wider variety of interests than just those.

As you become more comfortable here after reading more of the posts, I hope that you will feel free to tell us a little more about yourself and your desires. There are many members here who will be ready to help you with information from their own experiences.

I'm glad that you have discovered us.

Other than the exact details I can understand what you're saying. And there's also been many of us here that have waded through all that stuff too. Anyway welcome.