Hi everyone I have been lurking on the forums for quite sometime and I'm convinced after reading into castration it's something I want to consider. The reasons I want to be castrated well I will explain that later.

First off unlike many here I have no sexual experience at all at nearly 30 years of age I am still a virgin there is a reason for this but as time goes on I am caring less and less about dying a virgin. I am a virgin mainly due to life long low self esteem and erectile dysfunction. When I was young as a teenager I had a high libido like most boys my age masturbated and ejaculated often even multiple times a day. Then I got into porn which was a big regret seeing men in porn with such big penises made me increasingly insecure over the years to the point I felt my 6 inch erection was too small. The insecurity took over me so much that I attempted penis enlargement, which was a big mistake let's just say I had a few bad experiences and I have been left with a dysfunctional unit ever since. Since the injuries occurred I went from rock hard erections, strong morning wood and being able to get hard easily after ejaculation, to the complete opposite. My penis lost that throb it used to have and maintaining an erection is hard work. Sure I can still get an erection and orgasm but my penis is no where near as hard, responsive, sensitive or pleasurable since these injuries, morning erections don't often occur and if they do they're weak and don't last, spontaneous erections are very rare. My penis feels smaller too length and width wise I was 6 inches erect now I'm barely over 5 inches but I think it's mainly due to the fact I can't get fully hard the glans for example don't fully engorge therefore I have less of an erection. I also have a very low libido as well nothing really arouses me or turns me on like it used to honestly unless I watch porn to force some arousal (even that doesn't always work) it's like there is no drive like a dead piece of skin between my legs I can only imagine how much more my penis will atrophy after castration. It almost feels like since the injuries my Testosterone levels have been dropping and resulted in worsening ED and low libido. So yeah this is the main reason behind wanting castration weak erection and libido I'm already closer to impotency than most ideally I want to eliminate my libido completely.

However my motivation behind castration goes a bit deeper you see as a teenager I knew I didn't want to marry and have children, obviously being a virgin I have had such little experience in dating and with women and even the few "relationships I've had were a dud I've been single most of my life and I can't see it being any other way I consider myself a bachelor always have and always will. Sure I've been sexually frustrated at times which is why I used to be addicted to porn but I have always felt happier without having a girlfriend or any relationship. I see the sex drive as an annoying burden without a libido there is no reason to pursue women or relationships what so ever. I consider myself a Nihilist life is essentially meaningless (just my opinion here) and therefore I don't want to bring a children into the world that may suffer and possibly come to the same realization about life. If I had a child which is extremely unlikely I would adopt if anything like I was adopted myself my bloodline will die with me. So I don't see any reason anymore to try and pursue sex or a relationship.

Sorry If I haven't explained myself well but I think I have enough reasons to justify getting castration at least in my mind. I value my freedom so destroying my libido and sexual power off completely seems like the next logical step to being free.

I would like to hear from guys and wonder if anyone else can relate.

Thanks

Everybody has a different reason for being here, but yes a lot of us can relate.

I've got two strikes against me in the "below the belt" department. First, a botched infant circumcision that left me with too little skin, and far too little feeling. Second, at age twelve I suffered an illness that left me sterile, and with very low testosterone.

I have managed to have sex a few times in my life, but it was frustrating, and profoundly damaging to my psyche when I both couldn't feel anything... and I mean no pleasurable sensations whatsoever. Nor could I remain hard enough to get the job done for her either.

I've never been into pornography. At least I haven't been into video or pictures, though a really well written text story can keep me emotionally invested. (I'm more about ideas and situations than seeing something on a screen.)

I've come to a place in my life where I have accepted that there will never be a Cainanite Jr. wandering around. I think I can live with that, though it will be one of my greatest regrets that I never got to be a parent. I think I might have been good at it. There was a period of my life that I felt very nihilistic, but this was a passing thing. Eventually I realized that life was worth living, not for any reward, but for its own sake. In the story of my life, the good has outweighed the bad, and as Slammr (one of our regular members) might say, "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." I think that is his signature line, though I might be misquoting it.

Castration is a VERY big step, and should never be taken lightly. I've been considering it for a great many years, and have thought about it almost daily since I was about 7 years old. I think it was somehow born into me. Still, I have yet to go under the knife. The negative effects of castration are many. (Though some view them as positives.) To maintain your health you will need to go on some kind of replacement hormone. You need to keep your bones in good health, and you might miss your libido once it is gone for good.

The biggest worry is that it is PERMANENT! You cannot get that back if it turns out you regret it.

Even as you are now, you might have some luck getting back some of what you have lost sexually by speaking openly with a good doctor. If you have damaged yourself with attempts at penile enlargement, then there may be a way for a good urologist or surgeon to correct the problem. It might be worth looking into.

As I said, circumcision took an enormous amount of sensitivity from me. Even at my highest levels of teenage hormone, I never got any real pleasure from my own body. Lately I have begun foreskin restoration, and I am bringing some of my long buried and abused nerve endings back to the surface. I cannot get back a libido I never had, but I am, for the first time, experiencing pleasure in an organ that was previously as dead to me as Lincoln after the Play. (Too soon?)

The point is, all may not be lost to you. If you have only just started thinking about this, then take your time, and explore a lot of other options. You and I are both in our thirties, and life is long. We have a long time to explore and experience all that life has to offer us.

You may remain a virgin forever, or you might not. You may find a way to enjoy yourself as you are. You never know.

When I read your post, I get the feeling that you are depressed, and looking for a way out of the place you have found yourself in. Castration might seem like that perfect way, but I am sure that there are many other options you just have not explored yet.

Most of the people who have undergone castration on these forums wanted it their entire lives. They knew every side of the equation that was/is their sexuality, and knew and most likely tried every option available to them before they finally made up their minds to do it. Those who didn't do that aren't around here anymore. Some, we worry, may have "opted out" when things didn't go the way they were hoping. None of us want you to become one of them.

I recommend asking questions and letting us know a lot more about you. It will amaze you the level of expertise available to you on these forums.

Not one of us will advocate that you get yourself cut, especially if it is for the wrong reasons. But we will be happy to support you on your journey to discovering what is right for you.

Welcome to the zoo, my friend. We are very happy you found your way here.

Regardless of whether one chooses to eliminate testosterone, or has the condition occur to them through some medical or accidental cause, or just because of old age, the lack of interest or ability to be sexually aroused and functional is not looked upon as a desirable personal quality.

From my perspective and experience, I myself never did choose to want castration. Something within me made the decision for me. it was not a conscious decision.

I knew from an early age that I absolutely wanted nothing to do with sex. This may be because I was cursed with ultra high testosterone.

This is not something you experiment with for the novelty of it.

It is deep seated. You don't want it. You know deep down within you that you NEED it.

And when you know you need it, nobody can talk you out of it.

You have to come to grips with what you feel, what you need.

Don't let others convince you to do anything. It must be your need that drives you.

And if you are so driven, proceed with caution. Be safe.

From my own point of view I wish I had been born with no testicles and had never gone through puberty and never knew was it was to have sexual feelings, urges, needs.

I never had any desire to be female. Just never wanted to be sexual. In our developmental years we can't know about such things until it is too late.

Once we know, it is then socially unacceptable to undo what nature has done to us. That's the part that is a real downer. Having to deal with social pressure, on top of dealing with inner needs. Makes leach day hard to deal with. But then, I guess most of us want something we don't have, or want to get rid of someothing we can't.

Such is life.

I understand you fully, most of what you said is similar to what I've experienced. I resent being circumcised too, to the point that If I could meet the man who circumcised me I'd be tempted to cut his hand off to make sure he'd never circumcised an other one like me. My butchered circumcision is the root of my castration fantasy. The lack of sensitivity led me to use pain to get off. My genital mods fantasies quickly moved to castration fantasy. The first girl who saw me naked told me with disgust "Oh you're circumcised" and that was just the beginning. You were lucky to have a 6", I only had 5" which made it even worse. At 27 y.o. I was so fed up with it I've made my first castration attempt not to have sex ever with a woman. I was straight and athletic and a bit homophobic. I could attract girl w/o problem but could keep one more than few days. At 28 y.o. after one year of abstinence I met a man in a rest area who noticed my erection and offered to blow me. nothing was planned, and I agreed. It took just a few second for me to cum. When I returned to my truck, I was a shame of me, I knew my life would never be the same. Few months later, I've tried to castrate my self again with a razor blade. This was in 1980, I thought that I was the only man in the world to have such fantasy. It took me an other year before I met a young gay man (20) who introduced me to the gay scene. From that moment my view upon the gays has change completely. I'm still not attracted to queens but I'm tolerant. Sex with gay men was much easier. At 42 y.o. I was scared, I already had sex with many men who died of AIDS. in 1995 my first search on the web was for castration, I found BME, EA and over 50 Yahoo groups related to castration few months later I started chem castration to lower my libido and it worked, from sex addict as top(10 times a week) I quickly became bottom to about twice a month. Nope castration does not eliminate all libido. I found out 8 y. later, that after a long period on anti androgen a man can no longer produce testosterone. I'm on TRT since 2005, Do I regret? NO. Would I do it again? Unless I could change my life completely from birth, YES. No one can tell any man , even the spys, that castration would be good for them. The answer is yours. If you ever decide to go for it, my only advice is : try chem castration first as a test drive. You and I are not the only one who resent neonatal circumcision (adult circumcision is right). One or two years ago on EA chat room there was a women who announced that she was going to have a teenager son circumcised. All the guys in the chat roon responded all together, the thread was going so fast I couldn't even read them. The moderator kicked her out of the chat and few second later she got back to be kicked out again. I had doubt about how men feel about circumcision. That doesn't mean that all wannabes want to be castrated because they have been circumcised butt there are many more that you may think, just like us. Circumcision is very taboo among gay men, no one dare to say anything about it. You guess why?