Yup. Yet another one. I never tire of them. You know the scenario: the little old lady has died and she is standing at the Pearly Gates talking to St Peter.

Suddenly there is a blood-curdling scream.

"Oh Goodness", says the little old lady, quite alarmed, "what on earth was that?"

"You mean 'what in heaven', my dear", says St Peter. "But don't worry, you'll soon get used to everything. That was just one of the new souls having the hole bored in his head so we can screw his halo on."

"Oh", says the little old lady. "I guess that is OK then."

They go back to filling out the forms and finding the right size angelic robe for her. But then there is another scream, even more spine-chilling than the first one.

"Oh Lord! What was that?"

"Oh just routine, my dear. It's a new soul being fitted with his wings. We have to bore holes in his shoulder-blades, you know. Perfectly normal. Now, about the sandals ..."

"No! I'm sorry St Peter, but I don't think I can go through with all that. Please, can't you send me to ... you know ... to the other place?"

"Hell? You don't want to go to Hell, my dear. Trust me. It's a dreadful place! First thing that happens is you get raped and sodomised!"

"But I've already got the holes for that."

Hey I've got another one. but it will take a few minutes to translate to english.

Ok, here we go:

So, PB dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates but Saint Peter just checks out his small book and sends PB down to hell.

So PB walks down into the dark cellar, knocks at the enormous wooden door where a friendly dark man with two small horns out of his forehead in casual clothing greets him.

Oh, well PB, great it's you. Come in, Peter already phoned me about your arrivel and I hope you don't mind that I immediately claimed you'd have to come down to us here. I'm Satan. Here, let Martha take your coat, do you want to take a shower first or would you like me showing you around a bit right now?

PB chooses to take the tour because the hallway looked rather luxurious yet and he is courious to see whats to come.

Oh, well that's just the back door. Our main entrance area is beeing rebuilded, it's of course a little bigger than this. We recently got a VERY gifted architect, he already constructed the new operahouse and has plans for the greatest swimming hall. This way, please.

Through an all glass wall PB could already look out at a beach and when he and his host had changed theire shoes agains strand sandals they walked out and were surrounded by the buzzing sounds and smells of kids and adults spending a hot day in the sand and the water.

Satan takes him to a bar with straw roof, get's them two Caipirinhas and they take a slow walk to the warm and clear water and along the edge. People are surfing, even kite surfing, and PB can also spot sailing boats and everybody they pass is greeting Satan friendly or even stops for a handshake and a few words.

So, I hope you will be satisfied with your rooms, I booked a modern style studio for you, but we can always change that later if you want.

You will find me always here or up at the counter and if you have seen our countryside residences first or our mountain ressort then we should talk about if you prefer a car or a helicopter.

PB is a little puzzeled by all this and when the Caipirinhas finally start workin he makes up his mind and asks.

Oh, well, we just try to make it a little comfortable here, you know, how should you enjoy a stay with all the biggests minds in history if you don't have the right scenery, well?

After all I always think a little style could never be so wrong, be carefull here.

They almost walked into a steep crater and when PB looks down there he sees it's ground is filled with red, steaming liquid and a bad smell had come into his nose. But worst of all, the crater is filled with man and women who seem to be covered in flames and even burnt a bit and they scream and cry like "hell" weaving theire arms, burrying theire heads in the sand or the red liquid that, as PB realizes then, is lava appearantly. All in all they look very uncomfortable and exited.

Of course PB turnes at once to his host, Satan, and demands to know, what THAT was and what those people had done to be punished like that.

Satan just shrugs and looks a little uncomfortable now as well.

Oh I really don't know either. These are Catholics. They always want it that way.



gus

Nice one, Haltlos.