How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she was pregnant?

The kid stutters.

***********************************************

A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself.

Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if

boys hit on her. Her mum said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts

hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll

scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy

started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and

touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found

some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again:

a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked

about the baby's name, and he ran off.

Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he

started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He

continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be

called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our

baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full"

condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David

Blaine!

************************************************** *********

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back

to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to

tell her that he was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three

months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

************************************************** ************

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "My dad taught me."

"Good! Can you tell me what comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a good job.

What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says little Johnny.

************************************************** ***************

http://pics.steakandcheese.com/gaystation2.jpg

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A redhead, a brunette, and a sleazy blonde boy are riding in an elevator. The

redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum

stain!" The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a cum

stain too!" he says. The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the

elevator wall, then says, "Yep, but it's nobody from this building."

************************************************** *********************

What is the diffrance between a Priest and Acne?

One of the comes on a boys face AFTER the age 12.

************************************************** *********************

http://viral.lycos.co.uk/games/condomgame.html

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One day, a man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and

asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told

him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that

the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some jerk out

there wants to buy only half a head of lettuce." As he finished his

sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added,

"and this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager

found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of

that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where

are you from, son?"

"Minnesota, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Minnesota," the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Minnesota!"

The boy replied, "No kidding? What team did she play for?"

************************************************** ************************

"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up,"

said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone

bill."

************************************************** ***********************

Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey

seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time

thinking about sex and girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution,

please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

************************************************** ************************

RULES OF BEER DRINKING:

Before wringing spilled beer into your glass from a soaked shirt, make

sure that your date is not still wearing it.

Beer math: x(beer) + felony larceny - shirt = "COPS"

The Barney Rule: Every sentence must start or end with a belch.

Always offer to buy the first round if you want to impress the Bush

girls.

The optimum number of beers consumed is directly proportional to the

ugliness of one's date divided by the distance to the bathroom.

After a dozen beers, you must loudly declare your love for your drinking

companion. Half a dozen if you're drinking Guinness.

The beer-can wall in the dorm is NOT

load-bearing.

After one six-pack of anything, Old Milwaukee really *is* as good as it

gets.

Beer on whiskey, mighty risky; whiskey on beer, all is clear; beer on

your shirt, take my word, friend: You're *so* not getting laid tonight.

When departing for the restroom, don't use the word "lizard" in mixed

company.

If you drink a beer that has a fly in it, you

are required by law to allow the fly to escape to freedom through your

nose.

Never puke on something white after Labor Day.