Hi,

I'm new here and would like to introduce myself. I am a 61 yr old widower, and I'm now exploring my bi side after 26 years of marriage to the love of my life. I lost her 6 years ago and cannot perform with women anymore.....it feels like cheating. I've turned to men, and have pursed other interests I've kept to myself for years. I am 6' 1", 208lbs, muscular, very masculine, have a full head of hair (no gray), and have decent "equipment". I suspected low T years ago, but never had the nerve to ask my doctor about it. I am of Italian/Polish heritage, but never had chest hair, no beard on my cheeks, and at that time was having some ED problems. The doc ordered a T test, so I had it drawn early in the morning as instructed (your T is highest in the am). I tested at 199, so he put me on Androgel. I did that for awhile, but my wife was concerned about transferring it to her through skin to skin contact, so I went on the injections. I've been on them for 9 years, giving myself a shot of 300mg every two weeks, initially. I found that at the end of my two week cycle, I'd start to run out of gas, so I divided the dose in half and now give myself a weekly injection instead. It seems to work out better.

My testicles have shrunken to about 2/3rds their size, and I know I must be sterile because my ejaculate is nearly clear. When I see porn stars ejaculate what looks the color and consistency of yogurt, I can tell they are extremely fertile and have a good sperm count. My little swimmers, if any, must be in extremely low numbers!

I don't know why, but I am fascinated by the thought of being castrated. In a way, in terms of fertility, I probably already am, but the act of having my balls removed or dissolved excites me. I'm not looking for eunuch "calm" or anything ethereal, I just want them gone. They aren't functioning anyway, and the exogenous T I give myself keeps me the masculine man I want to be. I have no thoughts about being a woman, or effeminate in any way. I just want those non-functioning organs gone. I wish I could tell you why.

I am conflicted. The look of an empty sack, or no sack at all excites me, but I'm equally excited about a set of big, low-hanging balls on a man. I'd almost prefer to have my testicles removed, and have large, heavy, titanium implants that would stretch my sack to unbelievable lengths! I have some questions:

1. Has anyone been castrated and had heavy implants put in the place of your testicles? What's it like?

2. If I managed to have my testicles dissolved through Burdizzo, for example, would I be able to explain away my lack of testicles on years of TRT? Is that plausible or even believable?

3. At this point, this is just a fantasy, but if I chose to take my research further, is there anyone in the Palm Springs, CA area I could meet with and talk to? Particularly someone who had a Burdizzo castration done?

I am in every sense, a man, and I want to continue to be that way through TRT, but I'd like to do it without my own testicles. I'm sure a shrink would have a field day with me, but I don't care. It's how I feel and I can't explain it. At this point, it will remain a fantasy, but like many other things, I have a way of getting what I want. I restored my foreskin and gave myself a PA, so with me "Where there's a will, there's a way".

Don't worry, I'm not stupid, and self-preservation is high on my hierarchy of needs! LOL!

Cheers!

The two people that I have known to have large, heavy metal balls implanted have had endless problems with them including migrating out of the scrotum. --FLO--

Rollerboy,

I can relate to you in many ways. I am on HRT and deal with low T. Also am fascinated with the idea of an empty scrotum or none at all. I am not in CA however if you keep trying, there could possibly be someone local who might talk with you.

Dave

Rollerboy welcome to the archive!!! You are in the right place. Nothing you said is in the least out of the ordinary , or weird. We all have our own desires, and wants, and should go after them if possible.

Raymar

Uncle Flo (imported) wrote: Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:31 am The two people that I have known to have large, heavy metal balls implanted have had endless problems with them including migrating out of the scrotum. --FLO--

Thanks for your response. It is interesting that something so heavy could migrate "up" and out of the scrotum. I'm sure that happens when you're in a prone position..... but even then it's hard to imagine. RB

nutme248 (imported) wrote: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:29 am Rollerboy,

I can relate to you in many ways. I am on HRT and deal with low T. Also am fascinated with the idea of an empty scrotum or none at all. I am not in CA however if you keep trying, there could possibly be someone local who might talk with you.

Dave

Thank you Dave. Sometimes, and I'm sure everyone has experienced this, it feels like you're all alone until you find a forum like this that allows you to freely express yourself. There are some things I can't discuss even with my therapist. RB

raymar2020 (imported) wrote: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:48 am Rollerboy welcome to the archive!!! You are in the right place. Nothing you said is in the least out of the ordinary , or weird. We all have our own desires, and wants, and should go after them if possible.

Raymar

Thank you Raymar for your words of encouragement. I'm glad I stumbled upon this Forum. It appears that I'll find lots of good advice and guidance. RB

I did not intend to leave the impression that the migration was upward, the migration was through the wall of the scrotum. --FLO--

Uncle Flo (imported) wrote: Wed Oct 03, 2012 6:05 pm I did not intend to leave the impression that the migration was upward, the migration was through the wall of the scrotum. --FLO--

Wow! That's a horse of a different color FLO! They actually worked their way OUT of the scrotum itself? That's amazing! The scrotum seems too elastic and resilient for that to happen. I am incredulous! Was it the sheer weight of the implants that forced them thru the skin of the sack? That's a pretty scary scenario. Thanks for sharing. RB

Hello Rollerboy, I have many of your interests and circumstances, including being single again after a long hetero relationship, in my 60s, un-tethering and using my recessive bi tendencies, restoring my foreskin, on TRT, have 2/3-sized testicles in a now-loose sack, clear ejaculate, and have experienced testosterone levels of 200-210. I agree that, subject to staying on TRT, we could whimsically be rid of our testicles and optionally our sacks with no functional consequences.

Like you, I’m fascinated and excited by the thought of being castrated and find both the empty-sack and no-sack status erotically appealing. Male genitals have been a private interest since before puberty. Foreskin and circumcision interest preceded my late-blooming castration interest.

I too don’t know why I have any of my many erotic fetish interests but I have applied my curiosity to that question. I’ve included my thoughts on why within a written memoir of my unconventional erotic interests and practices since childhood—the kind of interests and practices we typically keep to ourselves lest others be alienated from us. I compiled it for entertainment without having anyone in mind that any of it could be shown to.

I can’t help with your first two questions, but I offer an alternative to part of the third: responsive conversation on things of mutual interest, not in person due to distance but by email. You write well, and are expressive. See my Profile (click on blue Woggler58 at top left) for more about me, for some of my posts to this board, and how to PM or email me if you’d like to correspond off-Board.

W58