At university, my therapist offered me both depo-provera (chemical castration) or a female hormone regiment. Both would alter my muscle strength, and the hormone one would be irreversible. I wasn't ready to make that change then, I'm still not now. I like men, I like women, but I've never wanted to commit to either 100%. I like attention, and I like pushing limits. I think a penectomy would be more appropriate than a castration, as it would still keep my chemically the same person, just withhold the physical gratuity of the masculine endowment I sometimes am disgusted with.

With my effeminate hungers, I am often wanting to become a full feminine slut, but then there are times I puff my chest with pride because I've spent an hour or two making my gf, or someone I hardly know, enjoy an hour of rage.

I know it is a downward spiral, and recently learned that each orgasm increases my masculine hormones.. this frustration, should I cure it, or should I let it lead me to a common but unknown ending?

Sorry, a little bio on me:

Was sexually active way before 18, with men, at 19 with women. - submissive.

At 25 was married and crossdressing, part of calgary kink and gay pride. - still mostly submissive.

at 38 I feel I'm now missing out, not a part of any particular community. - enjoying dom & sub.