Ambivalent accomplishments.
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:30 am
As I have mentioned before, I have an almost pathological need to nurture people, and over the last decade or so, a large number of mostly trans women have spent various amounts of time, from a few days to a few years, sleeping on the floor of my studio condo and crying on my shoulder, (it would be nice if some had wanted more of me than my shoulder, but you take what attention you can get it). I can't say I have been a consistent success in these endeavors, a few have done time in prison, quite a few have had serious drug problems, I have been stolen from, assaulted (that scared the hell out of me. I have never come so close to killing someone.) On the other hand I have witnessed some remarkable evolutions. There is something almost joyous in helping a hurting, damaged soul meta-morph into a confident beautiful, successful person. When the urge to go on a twelve gauge diet, (a la Hemingway) becomes almost overwhelming, my therapist reminds me that there are a number of people who wouldn't be still around without me. Of that number there are a couple that I have essentially adopted, and devoted years and much money to their welfare. The one that I am closest to has transitioned from a slightly pudgy average looking 20's age boy, to an almost anorexic, drop dead beautiful woman with one of the most perfect pair of breasts I have ever seen (all on her own) I gave her her first and most of the estrogen injections over the years.
It is almost a cliché that if you are young and trans and even a little bit attractive, you are going to be tempted to try sex work, either escorting or porn. Being paid for sex as a woman is a huge validation for those who are still insecure about their gender, sexuality and attractiveness. Though mostly unfuckable, I am no innocent, my brother became world famous in the gay s&m world, and I have met sexual outlaws and sex workers for years. I've met Annie Sprinkle and Buck Angel, so I'm not that shockable. So when she talked about what she wanted, I provided a few contacts and eventually an audition occurred. She was vague about the details, but it seemed that too many drugs, too little sleep, and some less than stellar people, led to what she regarded as a failure, and the subject vanished for about nine months.
Then about a week ago word came that her pictures and videos had appeared on the website shemaleyum.com. At first she was horrified, but when the report came that her videos were garnering about 4 1/2 stars out of five, on their rating scale, she has decided to be proud of her accomplishments. I have seen a few still photos from the free tour of the site, where they describe her as a pink haired punk from Portland. (At least the pink hair is right. She isn't from Portland, and she listens to Norwegian Death Metal) but I am damned if I am going to pay $25 to see the videos behind the pay wall. Besides I see her running around my condo with little or no clothes on all the time.
So i find myself somewhat conflicted. I am proud of her achievement. She is a beautiful woman. But I fear, particularily the drugs, particularly meth, that seem to go along with so much of sex work. And porn is unlikely to be a lifelong career, unless it is a short life. In short I worry.
Transward
It is almost a cliché that if you are young and trans and even a little bit attractive, you are going to be tempted to try sex work, either escorting or porn. Being paid for sex as a woman is a huge validation for those who are still insecure about their gender, sexuality and attractiveness. Though mostly unfuckable, I am no innocent, my brother became world famous in the gay s&m world, and I have met sexual outlaws and sex workers for years. I've met Annie Sprinkle and Buck Angel, so I'm not that shockable. So when she talked about what she wanted, I provided a few contacts and eventually an audition occurred. She was vague about the details, but it seemed that too many drugs, too little sleep, and some less than stellar people, led to what she regarded as a failure, and the subject vanished for about nine months.
Then about a week ago word came that her pictures and videos had appeared on the website shemaleyum.com. At first she was horrified, but when the report came that her videos were garnering about 4 1/2 stars out of five, on their rating scale, she has decided to be proud of her accomplishments. I have seen a few still photos from the free tour of the site, where they describe her as a pink haired punk from Portland. (At least the pink hair is right. She isn't from Portland, and she listens to Norwegian Death Metal) but I am damned if I am going to pay $25 to see the videos behind the pay wall. Besides I see her running around my condo with little or no clothes on all the time.
So i find myself somewhat conflicted. I am proud of her achievement. She is a beautiful woman. But I fear, particularily the drugs, particularly meth, that seem to go along with so much of sex work. And porn is unlikely to be a lifelong career, unless it is a short life. In short I worry.
Transward