For those trying to stay covert: what not to do (wrt. insurance).

[purpletomato (imported)]

A few days ago, I went to visit my general practitioner to talk about gender issues. He seems to be a very understanding, and supportive person. However, the nature of my appointment was conferred to the insurance company, and my parents are the policy holder. On a leap of faith, I told the office staffer the appointment regarded transgender issues, but clearly wasn't thinking when I paid the insurance copay. It appears that nothing serious has yet been leaked, it just shows up as "treatment or diagnosis by health care provider" (how I know this, I care not to disclose, though it was done without malicious intent). I don't know what's going to be on the explanation of benefits (EOB) form, though the office staff say it should not disclose anything relating to transgender issues.

I was contemplating taking drastic measures. I still have a number of drugs & surgical implements from when I was thinking about doing it myself. If I felt compelled to go through, I'd probably wimp out in the end, but maybe damage myself in the process.

So, BE CAREFUL WITH INSURANCE IF IT'S NOT IN YOUR NAME. There's no way to take it back, and I think you lose privacy rights when information's at the insurance company level (for example, as far as I know I could not ask for it to be retroactively cancelled, and pay in cash to keep it private). I also get the feeling insurance company office staffers are more likely to be insensitive to transgender issues.

In case anyone is wondering why I care, my parents have my cat. I want to get him, before they find out; it would be devastating to be cut off. That cat is like my child, not just a cute fuzzy pet. I would never forgive myself, if my parents cut off access [on the other hand, I know they also love my cat too, and would not hurt him]. (For those to whom I'm a stranger, I'll post a short mostly-gender-issues autobio here soon-ish.)

[raymar2020 (imported)]

By law Insurance providers are not allowed to reveal the types of treatments that a patient receives to anyone but the patient. as an example, my company provides my health care, but they are not privy to what treatments I receive, only to the fact that I was treated.

One of the reasons for developing the medical coding system was to make it more difficult for those not concerned with an individuals treatment have less access to that information.

Not to sound harsh , but if your parents are your insurance provider, thats great, but would they also not be supportive you you exploring issues that are affecting your mental state? Surely transgender issues are difficult for many to get a grasp on, but if anyone you should be able to count on your parents

Raymar

[feedback (imported)]

Ideally one

should be able to count on your parents

but that is not the case more often than not. My parents would disown me on the spot if they knew about my gender issues. A great many of the older generation have no use for anything but the norm when it comes to gender issues.

[purpletomato (imported)]

It often doesn't work out that way. Things also happened in my past ... will post in the introductions section soonish. In any case, the cost of them not being supportive would be devastating. Good to know of the coding system.

[devi (imported)]

Ideally one

8300160]
should be able to count on your parents

but that is not the case more often than not. My parents would disown me on the spot if they knew about my gender issues. A great many of the older generation have no use
[/quote]
for anything but the norm when it comes to gender issues.

This is so-o-o true. Even now every so often my dad will give me shaving cream as a gift but I've NEVER had to use that stuff.

[artisticlicense (imported)]

So, BE CAREFUL WITH INSURANCE IF IT'S NOT IN YOUR NAME. There's no way to take it back, and I think you lose privacy rights when information's at the insurance company level (for example, as far as I know I could not ask for it to be retroactively cancelled, and pay in cash to keep it private). I also get the feeling insurance company office staffers are more likely to be insensitive to transgender issues.

purpletomato, I suppose you are still a minor, or a college student; since you are still using your parents coverage. Why are you paranoid about your parents finding out you are transgendered?

I'm an insurance inspector investigator. I can be the insurance industry's harshest critic; but I can attest to the fact that the 'office staffers' could care less about the individual in the file, only what the doctor has charged for the listed treatment. Do you have any idea of how many files get processed in a single hour? They really don't have time to 'snoop'.

However; if you are using your parents insurance as a supported child, they [parents] can get explanations for what the payment covered, in numerical form. If they don't understand, and pressed, they might get an insurance office staffer to 'break-it-down'; but the insurance staffer might still need to consult the doctor’s office for the most-part.

What kind of relationship they have with your physician is up in the air as to how 'protected' you are. That part of the 'covertness' or 'insensitiveness' is variable according to the doctor's office staff. Some list the numerical explanation simply; others list detailed, item-by-item, including equipment and supplies used. That is the part your parents can see. These items and supplies may not always have an explained use or need in the services rendered. (Policy-holders have a right to know what and why they are being asked to pay.)

Almost all filing (going way back when) has been predominately numbers (coding - sentences in numerical form) (If there could be a catalog containing these numerical sentences, it would be about 2-feet thick; and about a million [exaggerated] pages in PDF). Not to be 'covert', but to speed up the processing. It does have that benefit though.

More and more, the underwriters are asking for details; and no longer willing to allow the physicians' & assistants' to tick-off an arbitrary number to cover the fees for your appointment. If it looks funky, we call the doctor's office for an explanation.

Simplified; as 'a supported child' (in the USA), your insurance file is open to the care-taking party who pays for the coverage, regardless of your age in most instances. It's actually not 'your file'; it's their file with notes about you and other listed dependents on the policy. College-age dependents cut-off ages varies by underwriter. And, there are policies that can be procured for over-aged children; but those policies are generally not open (like employer/employee files), and the policy-holder is limited as to why the policy is procured (disabled relatives, former employees under pension). For instance, a mentally handicapped child or dependent would be open, a disabled war veteran brother would not.

Your doctor’s office file/record is a whole different animal. Most doctors’ offices will not divulge minor/child files over the age of 16.

As Raymar said about your parents . . . are you sure they don't already know you better than you think they do? What is it about your parents that make you think they would not love you, if you want to be different from what you are (what they are used to)? It might surprise you just how much your parents know. They don't forget what it was like to grow up, you know. Times are different, but old folks can adjust and adapt. (Unless they are absolute religious nut-jobs.)

I'm sorry you feel that you have to hide your true nature from your parents. I would be more afraid of the general public perception, than my parents; but I'm not transgendered. And, I realize some older folks consider all sexual issues in the same basket, as perversions, etc.

I remember when my nephews were young. I teased my brother about which one of his sons would be gay; and low-is-be, my brother didn't dis-own "him that decided he was". My brother would occasionally say an un-kind remark, as a 'straight man' might; but he'd kill anyone who would harm his kid.

If your parents would do you harm or hate you if you changed, then maybe you should try to live without their support. If they can't love you as you are, then they don't deserve your love of them as they are. If you're doing it 'covertly' because of the money; you don't have much of a relationship anyway.

[purpletomato (imported)]

I'm 23, so the minor policy shouldn't apply. I have the luck of living in the Bay Area, and it seems my entire doctor's office is quite trans-friendly. At least, the office staffer I spoke with, when I realized my error using insurance, did his best to reassure me (while being honest that it was too late to take anything back). So, I am not worried about any lack of integrity there. Nor am I worried about my parents contacting the insurance company, they respect me enough not to do that. I am just worried about something getting printed on the EOB. Thanks for your writeup though.

I wanted to be castrated sometime around 9 and a half. Being a kid, I was very forthcoming about it, and of course, all I got was "it's not an option". I tried to damage the vas deferens at some point before 10 years old, and needless to say, my mother was very angry. I think what you said about castration drive seeming like a perversion, is applicable here.

I think, nowadays, since I am very sure and unashamed of wanting castration, and a whole lot more, I could be convincing. I understand myself in a broader context. I have support from my gender therapist, general practitioner, an old academic friend, our EA user Jesus, and peer groups at the Pacific Center in Berkeley. My parents are academics, despite living a pretty conservative lifestyle. They've also changed over the last 13 years. When I was a teenager, I remember seeing my mother with a book titled "if he wants sex and she doesn't"; I remember feeling lonely, wanting to be understood when I realized what was going on ... but I had sworn not to talk about it. There's a 90% chance they'd eventually come around. But, that's not good enough. That's not good enough, when they have the one thing I truly love. My cat, my child. I would do anything for him, and if not anything, quite a lot to keep being able to see him.

[purpletomato (imported)]

autobio, done, see the blogs section (I didn't want it visible to the world). sorry if the writing is still a little rough.

[spacecase9128 (imported)]

In Nevada, no set age when, but medical stuff is not available 2 parents, even as a minor. As young child about only time parent involved is like broken bones from sports.

[artisticlicense (imported)]

I'm 23, so the minor policy shouldn't apply.

Depends upon the state the policy was written in, and the underwriting that is carrying the policy. As to whether or not your parents have access; yes, if they are buying the policy. The Explanation of Benefits Paid (minus their deductibles), in some cases do show quite well just what the doctor's office has done with you. It will also show where (if) they deny payments to the physician, why (but not always - some UW expect the customer to know), and what is left owed (if) to the physician/hospital that the policy-holder is expected to pay.

I gather you are in CA, from your statements. The cut off for (parental) coverage is 25 for most underwriters, or if you stay in school without breaks until graduation up to 27 (like med-school).

It sounds like you don't live at home, but your parents kept, or are keeping your cat?

It sounds so desperate, like a set of grandparents taking their grandchild away from their unfit adult child.

But I suppose you might live in a dormitory or something in town at school where animals might not be permitted.

I'd hate to think people could be cruel enough to harbor someone else's pet for a ransom-type "do-this-or-else" behavior.